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I have ways of making you talk.
该死
Shit.
你好 是我
Yeah, it's me.
不行
No.
不不不 你告诉他"不行"
No, no, no. You tell him "no."
我不在乎合同上怎么写的
I-I don't care if it's contractual.
听懂了吗 我马上就过去
All right? I'm coming down right now.
谁打来的
Who was that?
我的秘密情人
That is my secret lover.
我最新的真人秀明星
Huh? My, uh, latest reality star.
好了 来
Yeah. Come here.
你是在质疑我的公正吗
Are you questioning my integrity?
-我是想问你有没有 -没有 该死的
- I'm asking if you've pre... - No, goddamn it!
你问我问题之前得先回答我的问题
You will answer my question before you ask me yours.
如果你已经做出了
If you've already decided
对这件案子的裁决 法官阁下
how this case will end, Your Honor,
如果我们在这是为了给戴尔一个结尾
if we're here to give Del the ending he wants for his TV show,
让他的电视节目更好看 让你出名赚大钱
and to make you rich and famous,
那么是的 我确实在质疑你的公正
then yes, I am questioning your integrity.
收拾好你的东西 滚出
You pack up your things, and you get the...
缓缓 哥们
Hey, hey, hey, man.
-法官 -怎么了
- Judge. - Hmm?
听我说
Look...
你大发雷霆
you lost your temper. Okay?
这没什么大不了
It's no big deal.
我是波尔·布特
I'm Pol Pot.
造成红色高棉大屠♥杀♥
-齐奥塞斯库 -没有 没有
- I'm Ceausescu. - No. No.
听我说
Man, look.
真人秀历史上的高光时刻之一就是
One of the biggest moments in reality TV history
《全美超模大赛》上泰拉·班克斯失控了
was Tyra Banks losing her shit on America's Top Model.
她当时崩溃了 崩溃的表现造就了精彩的节目
She had a meltdown. Meltdowns are good TV.
快接电♥话♥ 梅丽莎 接电♥话♥
Pick up, Marissa. Pick up.
快点 快点
Come on. Come on.
快接啊
Pick up.
哈尔·瓦克纳来电
是我
I'm here.
嘿
Hey...
我希望你能回到法庭
I want you to come back to court.
我希望你能辩护完你的案子
I want you to finish your cases.
为什么
Why?
因为我做错了
Because I made a mistake.
我是个混♥蛋♥
I was an asshole.
你是对的
You were right.
你想让我道歉吗
Do you want me to apologize?
我会道歉
I will.
行 道歉吧
Yeah, actually, I do.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我是有偏见
I was biased.
你如果回来 我会改
I won't be when you come back.
我对这件事很认真 法官阁下
I'm taking this seriously, Your Honor.
我知道
I know you are.
所以我才想让你回来
That's why I want you back.
做事要有始有终
You got to finish it.
谢谢 进来吧
Thank you. Come in.
谢谢你们能抽空过来
Uh, hey. Thank you for stopping by.
我
I...
我担心我之前有点反应迟钝
I've been worried that I was insensitive,
我想大家坐下来开诚布公
and I wanted to get a gut check from both of you.
当然了 法官阁下 什么事
Sure, Your Honor. What is it?
看着你们俩在本案中的表现
I've been watching the two of you throughout the case,
昨晚看到新闻之后 我意识到
and I realized, after what I heard last night,
你们在庭上的不自然...
that, uh, your discomfort...
合情合理
made sense to me.
如果我和我妻子要一起办公
If my wife and I ever tried to work together,
我们的关系可能坚持不了
our relationship wouldn't last
十分钟
ten minutes.
所以你们做得很棒了
So, yeah, more power to you.
我只是... 我是性少数群体的盟友
I just... I'm a great friend of the LGBTQ,
整个群体
uh, plus, you know, community.
谢谢法官阁下
Thank you, Your Honor.
说实话
Yeah, actually, you know what?
法官阁下 有件事我在想你是否可以帮忙...
Your Honor, there is, there is something that you could...
解决一下
could settle for us.
当然 说吧
Oh, great. Certainly.
其中一个陪审员 有教堂背景的那个
One of the jurors, uh, the one from the church?
我觉得她注意到了我们关系很密切
Uh, I think she's noticed how close we are together.
然后...
And, uh...
希望你不要介意我这么说
I-I hope you don't mind me saying this.
说吧 我也有点不安 她确实...
No, it's been on my mind as well. She did...
她看见我们在走廊...
She did see us out in the hall...
嗯 我们在一起
Yeah. ...together.
我们只是担心
Yeah, and, uh, uh, we're just worried
我们的关系会让她产生偏见
that our relationship may have played into her bias.
如果能没有这种不确定性就好了
It would just be good to be certain.
你觉得呢 亲爱的
Don't you think, darling?
所以你尽管发问
So, you go ahead and ask your questions.
向大家揭发我是个很糟糕的人
Show what a terrible person I am.
我向你保证 我知道 全世界都知道
I guarantee you, I already know, so does everyone else.
这就是你的风格吧
Yeah, that's sort of your schtick,
说你是个烂人
saying how awful you are.
我的风格 不 这是我大脑给我发的信♥号♥♥
My schtick? No, it's the, the voices in my head.
又来了
No. Oof.
我是个混♥蛋♥ 很好
I'm an asshole. Good one.
你这人挺自怨自艾的啊
Seems like you feel pretty sorry for yourself.
是吗 对不起
I do? I'm sorry.
但你对自己怎么对待其他人则毫无悔恨之心
But you don't feel sorry for how you treat other people.
这是个问题吗
Is that a question?
你想在这行成一番事业吗 那就狠起心来
You want to make it in this business? Be ruthless.
唯一重要的是你的剧本材料
The only thing that matters is your material.
乔伊·巴♥特♥尔♥
喜剧演员
至于其他人 都不是真实的
Other people, they're not real.
你不能在意他们的感受
You can't worry about their feelings.
一旦你用心了...
The minute you care...
喜剧就消失了
comedy dies.
"其他人都不是真实的"
"Other people are not real."
那是四年前的访谈 我已经改过自新了
That was four years ago. I'm a different person.
两天前 你在凌晨两点做了个节目
Two nights ago, you did a set at 2:00 a.m.
地点是在市中心的"边厢"
at The Side Room downtown.
我是在做彩排
I-I was testing out some material.
排练一下
Trying some stuff out.
那些蠢女人们
So there's all these stupid women out there
到处说"他对我做了令人不齿的事"
who are going around saying, "Oh, he did awful things to me."
今时今日这种话让我很难做
Which just makes it harder, in this day and age,
我会很难说服其他女人让我对她们做坏坏的事
for me to convince other women to let me do awful things
但是这是我的本能
to them, which I want to do because
因为我是个男人
I'm a male human being!
我希望现在人们应该能理解的
You'd think people would understand that by now,
但是他们都纠结在
but they seem to be completely hung up on the whole...
"做坏坏的事"这个点上
"doing awful things" aspect.
这是改过自新的你吗
Is that the new you?
不是
No.
那是...
That is... Look.
喜剧...
Comedy, it's, um...
我会玩梗
I do bits.
耍小聪明...
It's a mercurial, kind of...
不是真心话 不是...
They're not real. It's not, you know, it's...
你应该换个角度看 我该怎么说呢
What you got to look at is they're just a whatchamacall--
像是
Like a-- Ah.
是时候了
The time has come.
我准备好作出裁决了
I am ready to rule.
亨丽埃塔 你生来自♥由♥
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