绝望的主妇

Desperate Housewives S03E12

Part 2 Oct. 22, 2019, 11:10 a.m.

妈妈
Mom!
妈妈怎么回事你没事吧
Mom, what happened? Are you OK?
我刚才
I was just, uh...
找不到耳环了
I lost an earring.
妈妈两只耳环都戴在耳朵上
Mom, you're wearing both your earrings.
总算找到了
I found it.
奥斯丁我想跟我女儿单独谈谈
Austin, I would like to talk to my daughter privately.
好的等下打给我
Sure. Call me later.
你们为什么谈论避孕套
Why were you talking about condoms?
你为什么偷听
Why were you eavesdropping?
别转移话题你们俩上♥床♥了吗
Don't change the subject. Are you two having sex?
我原以为自己的女儿很聪明
I thought that I raised you to be smarter than that.
性不是你想象中的情趣游戏
Don't you realize that sex is not fun and games.
性很危险
It's dangerous!
每次都有潜在的新疾病
Every time there's a new disease!
你不想小便的时候感到灼痛吧
Do you want it to burn when you pee?
-妈妈 -性有害健康
- Mom. - Sex kills!
-妈妈 -什么
- Mom! - What?
我没打算做
I'm not having sex.
真的吗
Really?
真的
Really.
感谢上帝
Oh, thank God.
你们俩要是不做♥爱♥套
If you're not having sex.
干嘛要讨论避孕套
Why were you talking about condoms?
因为我们听说两个学生发♥生♥关♥系♥
Because we know two kids at school who are,
只用了避孕套
and they're only using condoms,
这种做法很愚蠢
which is stupid
因为避孕套只有85%的避孕几率
because condoms are only 85 percent effective.
是的的确如此
Yes. That's right.
只用避孕套并不可靠
A condom alone will not protect you.
我也这么认为
I totally agree.
-布里 -阿尔玛
- Bree! - Alma.
我不知道原来你跟伊迪认识
I didn't know that you knew Edie.
上次晚宴我告诉你好友
I told your friends at that party,
我想找一个新住处
I was looking for a new house.
住处
A house?
对加布就介绍我们俩认识了
Yes. And Gabby introduced us.
原来如此实不相瞒
Oh. Well, um, I don't want to keep you.
我肯定伊迪还有好多房♥源可以介绍给你
I'm sure that Edie has lots of other houses to show you.
不我们已经签了
Nope, we're done.
阿尔玛才看爱波怀特家房♥子一眼
Alma took one look at the Applewhite house, and bam,
就对它一见钟情
love at first sight.
-什么 -我们马上就要成为邻居了
- What? - We're going to be neighbors.
不
No!
我其实不是这个意思
I mean... I mean, no.
阿尔玛你不能买♥♥栋屋子
Alma, you can't buy this house.
为什么
Why not?
你知道这房♥子的来历吗
Well, are you aware of its history?
之前的房♥东在家窝藏谋杀犯
The previous owner was harboring a murderer.
罪犯是她儿子
It was her son.
不管怎么说她是位伟大的母亲
Say what you like, she was a great mom.
他们在地下室设有地牢
They had a dungeon in the basement.
据说夜晚还能听到
People say they still hear groans
屋子里传出呻♥吟♥声
coming from the house at night.
你要是再不住嘴
They're gonna hear groans coming from your house
你家也会传出呻♥吟♥声
if you don't zip it.
阿尔玛你别担心
Don't worry, Alma.
我相信伊迪肯定能为你找到一间
I'm sure that Edie can find you a house
没有梦靥的房♥子
that won't give you nightmares.
太晚了布里
It's too late, Bree.
我已经爱上这儿的邻居了
I've fallen in love with this neighborhood.
至于闹鬼什么的若是听信就太傻了
As for that haunted house stuff, that's silly.
死人怎么会复生呢
People don't come back from the dead.
我求之不得
Don't I wish.
我才不和那女人做邻居
I will not have that woman as a neighbor!
-你得想个法子 -我说了我会去找她谈的
- You have got to do something! - I said I'd talk to her.
那还等什么
What are you waiting for?
屋子没亮灯她不在家
The house is dark. She's not there.
所以你就等到她搬进来
You're gonna wait until she moves in?
我会处理的布里拜托你冷静点
I will deal with it. Bree, please calm down.
我怎么冷静几个月来
How can I be calm? For months
人们都认为你谋杀第一任妻子
people thought you killed your first wife.
她刚刚现身澄清事实
No sooner does she show up and clear your name
警♥察♥却又问询你另一宗谋杀
than the police ask you about another murder.
他们只是有些疑问
They just had questions.
每人都有疑问
Everybody has questions.
正因如此苏珊和我都不说话了
Susan and I don't speak because of it.
布里拜托
Bree, please.
我努力昂起头微笑
I try to hold my head up and smile
给教堂联谊会做更多的馅饼
and just bake more pies for the church social.
而现在你的前妻都在我们门口扎营了
But now your ex is camped out on our doorstep
好像我举办了摩♥门♥教♥的睡衣派对
like I am hosting some kind of Mormon slumber party!
我已经不知道
And I do not know
如何通过做馅饼来回避这些了
how I'm going to bake my way out of this one.
我发誓亲爱的我会把阿尔玛赶走的
Darling, I swear to you, I will get Alma out of that house.
即使不顾我的名声
I don't care if I have to
勒死她也在所不辞
live up to my reputation and strangle her.
你真是个好丈夫
You're a good husband.
你疯啦
Have you lost your mind?
我才不给你避孕药
I am not getting you the pill.
伊迪姨朱莉和我已经相爱了
Aunt Edie, Julie and I are in love.
拜托又不是真心爱荷尔蒙作祟而已
Oh, please. It's not love you're feeling. It's hormones.
-才不是 -行
- That's not true. - OK, fine.
你们想表达爱意
If you want to express your love
也不必来全套啊
you don't need to go all the way.
亲吻抚摸摩擦
Kiss. Touch. Rub.
摸来摸去不就行了吗
I mean, whatever happened to heavy petting?
-别低估了这些方式 -这就是你的建议
- It's so underrated. - That's your advice?
不好意思
Well, I'm sorry.
我可不擅长教人不做♥爱♥
I've never been good getting people not to have sex.
所以你不准备帮我们啰
So you're not going to help us?
朱莉如果我这么做
Julie, if I do this,
你妈会把我的头砍下来的
your mother would have my head.
-你得和她谈谈 -没法谈
- You should be talking to her. - I can't talk to her.
这事会让她疯掉的
The whole idea of this completely freaks her out.
她都在喊"性有害健康"了
She started screaming, "Sex kills!"
所以重任都在我肩上了
So now it's all in my lap.
天呐她可真烦人
God, she pisses me off.
这样要不然我援助一盒避孕套
Look, how about I spring for a box of condoms?
这样可以放过我了吗
Will that get you two off my back?
避孕套只有85%的几率有效
Condoms are only 85 percent effective.
真的假的
Is that true?
该死的我还打算用到绝经呢
Damn. I thought I could coast all the way to menopause.
不管你帮不帮我们都会做♥爱♥的
Look, we're going to have sex whether you help us or not.
我们只想对彼此负责
We're just trying to be responsible.
好吧
All right.
但你们得知道
But just so you know,
远离性♥爱♥ 才是负责任的
the responsible thing is to abstain from sex
应当专注于学习
and focus on your studies.
好了
There.
该说的都说了免得被某人问责
I said it out loud just in case anybody asks.
加布我还要一个枕头
Gaby, I need another pillow.
行别拿大的那是我最喜欢的
All right. Don't take the big one. That's my favorite.
仅此一晚
It's only for one night
明天我就回自己家里
because tomorrow I'm going to be back home,
睡自己的床
sleeping in my own bed.
什么你怎么能抛弃我呢
What? You can't abandon me.
有个疯子跟踪我我命悬一线啊
There's a madman stalking me. My life is on the line.
知道我有多害怕吗
Do you know how scared I am?
你还留着
You're keeping that?