好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E22
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:04 p.m.
I don't get it.
我不懂你意思
W-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
等等 等等
Have you used any of them yet?
你用过你的套套吗
Yeah, sure.
当然用过
For sex?
做♥爱♥用的?
Oh. Um, no.
呃 不是
For water balloons.
打水仗用的
Well, keep a few in reserve,
留点备用吧
'cause you're not really breeding stock.
因为你又不需要传宗接代
So, what are you looking for?
那你来这买♥♥什么
Birthday card for Chelsea.
切尔西的生日卡
Oh. Good idea.
好主意
Look at this one.
看这张
Says, "I got you a birthday package."
上面写着 "送你一个生日包裹"
And on the inside, it's a naked fat guy
里面却是 一个胖子裸男
with a hole for you to pop your finger through.
大腿之间还有个洞 好让你的手指头能从后面穿过去
Mm, no.
这个不行
Are you sure?
你确定?
He really likes you.
可他很喜欢你哦
Here we go.
这张不错
"Wishing you all the dreams of your heart,
祝愿你心中所有美梦能成真
"all the love in the world
在这世上 你是如此特别
"and the beautiful day you deserve
你值得拥有所有的爱
for being so special."
以及美好的生活
That's not funny.
一点都不搞笑
Not supposed to be funny.
没人说要搞笑版的卡片
Yeah, well, mission accomplished.
好吧 任务完成
Look at this one.
看这张
It's an old lady with long banana boobs
一个老太太 胸部下垂得跟香蕉一样长
and a dog looking at her.
还有个狗盯着她看
And on the inside, it says, "How many were in your litter?"
卡面里面写着 "你下崽的时候有多垂?"
That's not a birthday card.
这算哪门子生日卡
It could be. Write "happy birthday" inside.
在里面写个"生日快乐"就算了啊
I need a real birthday card.
我要一张正经的生日卡
Okay.
好吧
Here's one with a puppy on it.
这张卡片上有个小狗
"For someone very special on her birthday.
献给某位特别的女士
Each day is a beautiful gift to enjoy."
每一天都是一份美好的礼物
That's pretty good.
这张很不错
Yeah, and then you could cut a hole
对 然后你可以剪个洞洞
and pop your pinky through and give that dog a bone.
把你的小指伸进去 给小狗当骨头
I can't help you if you're not going to work with me.
如果你不跟我合作的话 那我可帮不了你
I'm really glad you came, Alan.
艾伦 很高兴你能来
How could I not?
我为什么要不来
We're friends.
我们是朋友
I know, but I was afraid it might be uncomfortable for you.
我知道 但我怕你会觉得不舒服
No, no. Don't be silly.
不 不会 别傻了
So, uh, that's it?
所以 吃的就这些吗
No dinner? Just finger foods?
没有晚饭? 只有小吃?
Sorry.
不好意思
Oh, no, it's fine.
没事 挺好的
I could never have enough prosciutto and melon.
我最爱吃熏火腿和甜瓜了
Oh. Hey, that'd be a good name for a singing act.
哇 这能当一部歌♥剧名字了
Prosciutto and Melon.
熏火腿与甜瓜
"Ladies and gentlemen,
女士们 先生们
the song stylings of prosciutto and melon."
歌♥曲风格是火腿卷甜瓜
There's an open mic night at the senior center.
老人中心有个公开表演之夜
I'm going to use that.
我要用这个露两手
Terrific.
棒极了
So, how's he doing?
他怎么样
Who? Alan.
谁 艾伦
Oh, oh, Charlie.
是说查理啊
Uh, uh, he's doing fine-- just fine.
他挺好的 挺好
Good, good.
很好 很好
In fact, he told me to tell you happy birthday.
他还让我转告一句 生日快乐
Oh, that's nice. Tell him I said thanks.
他真有心 帮我说声谢谢
I will.
我会的
And I'm sure he'd say, "you're welcome."
我肯定他会说 不用谢
So, um, how are you doing?
那么 你怎么样
And it's me asking, not Charlie.
不是查理问的 是我问的
Although I'm sure he'd be interested.
当然 我肯定他也有兴趣知道
Not that I'd tell him, unless you want me to.
不是说我会告诉他 除非你想让我说
Do you want me to? Wait.
你想让我说吗 等等
Tell me how you're doing first, and then we can decide.
先告诉我你到底咋样了 咱们再决定说不说
I'm doing fine, Alan.
我挺好的 艾伦
Good, good. Oh, so is Charlie.
很好 很好 查理也挺好
Can we change the subject?
我们能换个话题吗
You're the one who brought it up, but sure.
虽说是你起的头 但换个话题当然行
You ever think about your dad and Ed having sex?
你老爹和爱德上♥床♥的情景会出现在你脑海吗
"Happy birthday, thinking of you."
生日快乐 想你
What's wrong with it?
有什么不妥
It's, what to you call it, redumbnent.
这叫啥来着 二傻
Redumbnent?
二傻
Yeah. You got her a present and you got her a birthday card.
当然 你又送礼物又送生日卡
You're obviously thinking of her.
明摆着是想她
So saying you're thinking of her is redumbnent.
再说句"想你" 这还不叫二傻吗
So if you act like a moron,
这么说 你表现得像傻蛋
saying you're a moron would be redumbnent.
再说你自己是傻蛋 这就是二傻
Now you're getting it.
你终于开窍了
Oh, buddy, you really shouldn't be walking around without a helmet.
小子 你四处乱窜时最好戴个安全帽
Wait here. I'll be right back.
车里等着 我马上回来
Why can't I go with you?
为啥我不能一起上去
Because I'm just gonna give Chelsea the bracelet and leave.
因为我把手链给切尔西后就会闪人
Bring me back a piece of cake.
给我带块蛋糕
Corner with a flower would be nice.
蛋糕边上有花就更好了
What the hell are you doing?
你在搞什么鬼
Um...
这个
Checking for leaks?
看看有没有破洞
Listen...
听着
I need you to go up there and give Chelsea the present.
我要你上去把礼物给切尔西
Why? Did you wuss out?
为啥 你腿软了吗
No, no, I just don't want to make a scene.
不是 我只是不想搞得跟琼瑶剧似的
Here, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss.
腿软 腿软 脚软 脚软
Wuss, wuss, wuss...
软了 软了 软了
Wuss... wuss...
软 软
Just take the bracelet, ring the doorbell,
拿着手链 按响门铃
say, "Happy birthday, this is from uncle Charlie,"
说 生日快乐 这是查理伯伯送的
And leave.
然后闪人
Can I get a piece of cake?
我能拿块蛋糕吗
Fine, grab a piece of cake.
好吧 拿块蛋糕
What if they haven't cut the cake yet? Can I hang out?
万一还没切蛋糕咋办 我能等会儿么
No. I'm not gonna sit here waiting for you.
不行 我可不会坐在这里等你
Well, you don't really have choice.
那你可没得选择
You're not allowed to drive.
你不能开车
What are you saying?
你什么意思
Well, at the risk of being redumbnent,
即使有当二傻的风险
I'm saying I'll be having cake.
我也要说 我一定把蛋糕拿到手
I can't believe I'm being blackmailed by Forrest Gump.
真不敢相信我被阿甘勒索了
Can I tell her you're waiting out here?
我能告诉切尔西你等在这里吗
No! Are you nuts?
不行 你傻的吧
I was just thinking it'd be a good way to get a second piece of cake.
我只是觉得这是能吃上第二块蛋糕的好办法
Get out of here!
别烦我了
Run, Forrest, run.
快跑 阿甘 快跑(《阿甘正传》经典台词)
What if I meet a cute girl up there?
万一我在上边儿碰到个可爱女生咋办
Would you mind walking home?
你介意走回去吗
Jake, I swear to god,
杰克 我对天起誓
do not make me get out of this car.
大爷出了这车有你好看
Excuse me, let's not forget who's doing who a favor here.
抱歉 请你搞清楚到底是谁在帮谁
Go.
给老子上去
Yes, sir.
是 先生
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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