好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E15
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:02 p.m.
No.
没有
Did you screw up the sex?
床上那点事儿搞砸了
What the hell are you talking about?
你到底在叽歪什么啊
You know, there's more than one way to satisfy a woman.
在床上要满足女人可不是只有一个方法
Oh, really? Like what?
是吗 你有什么高招
I'm not sure.
我也说不准
But I have some theories.
理论知识我还是有的
Get out!
出去吧你
Fine.
好吧
We wouldn't have these problems if you just put a TV in my room.
如果我房♥间有电视我们之间根本不会这样
We wouldn't have these problems
我在你房♥间放条巨蟒
if I just put a python in your room.
我们之间也不会这样
Tushy doushy.
屁挑刺精
What?
什么
I said tushy doushy.
你这个屁挑刺精
I really can't stay
我不能留下
Baby, it's cold outside
宝贝儿 外面很冷的
I've got to go away
我必须走了
Baby, it's cold outside
宝贝儿 外面很冷的
You mind? I'm trying to sleep.
帮个忙 我正睡着呢
Hey, I didn't see you there.
没看到你
What'd you do?
做啥坏事了
I don't want to talk about it.
不想说
Fine. I'm not one to pry.
没关系 反正我不喜欢撬人隐私
Money?
金钱纠纷
No.
不是
Old girlfriend?
旧情人杀来了
No.
不是
She find those polaroids?
她发现那些有色照片了
No.
没有
How did you know about the polaroids?
你怎么会知道有色照片的事
You just told me, you dirtbag.
你刚刚说的啊 你这个色情狂
So, what did you do?
你到底做啥坏事了
Try to sneak in at 2:00 A.M,
凌晨两点偷偷摸摸地回家
smellin' of booze and pole dancer?
满身酒气兼钢管舞♥女♥郎的香水味
For your information, Chelsea's the one who came home late.
告诉你 切尔西才是那个晚归的人
And she was smelling of horse.
而且满身马味儿
Oh, good lord, Charlie, you can't compete with a horse.
老天 查理 你可比不上一匹马啊
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
是滴 是滴
Seriously.
说真的
I've seen your tallywacker,
我见过你的下身利器
and you're blessed,
虽说你是天赋异禀
but you ain't no Seabiscuit.
可比起里的马还差点儿
When have you seen my... tallywacker?
你啥时候见过我的下身利器
I don't know, maybe the nine or ten times I found you passed out
记不清了 也许是多次地发现你晕倒在
in your bathtub, holding onto it like it was a flotation device.
浴缸里 象抓住救生圈一样抓住那玩意儿
Sorry about that.
抱歉让你看到如此不堪的场面
Don't be.
我很享受
Mmm, boy!
我来了
Breakfast,
早餐
the most important meal of the day.
一天当中最重要的一顿
Three scrambled egg whites,
三个炒蛋白
two slices of "I can't believe it's not buttered" rye toast.
两片不抹黄油的黑麦面包
And to flush it through me,
让这些统统能下肚的
a piping hot cup of freshly ground coffee.
是一杯新鲜滚热的咖啡
Shut that thing off!
关掉这破玩意儿
So... decaf?
要喝低咖♥啡♥因♥的
Don't push me.
别惹老子
I'm not in the mood.
哥哥我心情不爽
Did you sleep on the couch last night?
你昨晚睡的沙发吗
What's it to ya?
关你什么事
Oh, Charlie, what'd you do?
查理 你做啥坏事了
Nothing. Nothing?
没做什么 真没做什么吗
I may have compared Brad's recently deceased wife
我只是可能拿布莱德那最近仙逝的爱妻
to a ball-chasing dog.
和一只追着球的狗做了一个对比
Whose balls?
谁的蛋蛋啊
Tennis balls.
网球的球
Get your mind out of the gutter.
你能不能正经一点
All right, look-- while this is admittedly a bump in the road,
这的确听起来不太妙
you do have an opportunity here
但你还是有机会
to really improve your relationship with Chelsea.
好好改善你和切尔西的关系
How do you figure?
你咋会有这想法
Well, think about it--
想想看
The reason you're threatened by Brad
你之所以感到被小布威胁了
is because he's a much better man than you.
是因为他是个比你优秀的多滴人
No, he's not.
我可强过他
I would never come on to another guy's fiance.
我是不会对人家的未婚妻下手的
Okay, first of all, we don't know that he's come on to Chelsea.
首先 我们并不能肯定他对切尔西下手了
And secondly, I've seen you hit on a bride
其次 我可是亲眼见过你勾搭一个
while she was walking down the aisle.
走向礼坛的新娘
That was a joke.
我只是开玩笑
I asked her what she was doing later.
我问她等一下有什么安排
Everybody laughed.
大家都被我逗乐了
My point is,
我要说的是
if Chelsea is looking around for a better guy,
如果切尔西渴望一个优秀的男人
why not make that guy you?
为什么你不能变得优秀些
Because I'm not a better guy than me.
因为我不可能比现在好到哪里去
Not yet.
时间问题
But you do have something going for you that Brad doesn't.
你有小布比不上的地方
What's that?
是什么
Room to improve.
改善的空间
Lots and lots of room to improve.
数不胜数的改善空间
Thanks. You've filled me with optimism.
谢谢 我现在乐观之情洋溢全身
And keep in mind, you're the underdog here,
要明白 你可是个烂仔输家
and everybody loves an underdog.
人人都爱烂仔输家
Then how come nobody loves you?
那为啥子没人爱你
The principle is still sound.
这句话还是有一定道理的
Just go up there and tell Chelsea you know
上楼去 跟切尔西说
that you're a flawed human being,
你知道自己是烂仔一个
but that you will spend the rest of your life trying to be better.
但你会用你的余生让自己变得更好
Because she deserves the best.
因为她值得配最好的男人
So, lie.
也就是说撒谎了
You don't have to lie.
你不必撒谎啊
Don't you think you're a flawed human being?
难道你不觉得自己是烂仔一个吗
Of course I do. But I know me,
我当然是 但我也知道
I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life doing anything,
我不会用我的余生做任何事
let alone try to be a better human being.
我才懒得理什么做个好人
Oh, come on, Charlie.
别这样 查理
Look at every New Year's resolution I've ever made.
想想我的每一个新年愿望
I've got the best of intentions,
我都许下了美好心愿
but by January third or fourth,
可到了一月三号♥或是四号♥
there I am. Broke, hung over,
我还是老样子 破产加宿醉
and coughing up stripper glitter.
蹲在局子里招供买♥♥♥春♥那档子事儿
Okay, lie.
好的 去撒谎吧
Hey Chels... I brought you some orange juice.
切尔西 我给你弄了点橙汁
Thank you.
谢谢
Is there any coffee?
有咖啡吗
No, no, my stupid brother broke the grinder.
没有 我那白♥痴♥弟弟把研磨机摔坏了
There's vodka in this orange juice.
这橙汁里兑了伏特加
Whoopsie, that's mine.
啊哦 拿错了
It's 8:00 in the morning.
现在才早上八点
Hence the orange juice.
所以我说是橙汁嘛
So, listen, I wanted to apologize again
是这样的 我想就昨晚的胡言乱语
about my unfortunate remarks last night.
再次向你道歉
And tell you I love you and I'll spend the rest of my life
我爱你 我会竭尽我余生之力
trying to be a better man because you deserve the best.
努力成为一个配得上你的好男人
Well, I appreciate you saying that.
谢谢你这么说
So... we're good?
那么 我们没事了
Yeah.
嗯
Great.
好极了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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