好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E13
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:01 p.m.
Hey you got anything special going on next week?
你下周有什么特别安排吗
Well let's see... next week.
让我想想 下个星期
I like to keep mondays free for hangovers.
周一还在醒酒
Tuesday i was planning on getting a haircut
周二去剪个头发
Mani/pedi and a facial.
然后做个美甲和美容
You know guy stuff.
你也知道男人的那些事
Wednesday i have a meeting with my business manager
周三和经纪人有个约会
To discuss my retirement plan.
谈论下我的退休计划
And as you know thursday and friday
你是了解我的周四和周五的
Are kind of my "me" days.
属于自♥由♥发挥时间
Why do you ask?
你为什么问这个
I was thinking since i have a couple days off
我在考虑刚好有几天休息
We could fly to illinois and visit my parents.
我们可以一起去伊利诺伊看我父母
Oh.
哦
I mean you've only met my mother once
你也只见过我老妈一次
And you've never met my dad.
还从来没见过我老爸
That's true.
的确
And i'd really like him
而且我非常想
To get to know you before the wedding.
在我们婚礼前让你们互相了解
Of course.
当然应该这样
Although sometimes with parents
通常见父母这个环节
I'm better served up as a surprise.
我都会让父母们有惊无喜的
Don't be silly-- he'll love you.
别傻了 我老爸肯定喜欢你
And i'm sure i'll love him.
我也肯定我会喜欢他
So good we'll fly out.
那说好了 我们一起去
Illinois here we come.
伊利诺伊俺们来了
I love you so much.
我好爱你
I love you too.
俺也爱你
Good night.
晚安
Good night.
晚安
Oh darn it. what?
真讨厌啊 咋啦
I just remembered i have an appointment next week.
我刚想起了来下周有个预约
Doctor's appointment?
去看医生吗
Yes.
可不是
Yes a doctor's appointment.
去看医生
Is everything okay? oh yeah.
你身体没事吧 挺好的
Yeah just a routine procedure i've been putting off.
就是个常规检查 我推迟了蛮久的
What do you mean like a colonoscopy?
你是说结肠镜检查那种吗
Yes exactly.
没错 正是
A colonoscopy.
结肠镜检查
Oh charlie you can't put that off.
查理这种检查绝对要按时的
No no. no.
我不去啦
I want to meet your dad.
我要去见你老爸
I've been putting off getting a colonoscopy for years.
我都推迟结肠镜检查好几年了
Forget it mister.
就当我没说过吧
You're keeping that appointment.
你一定要去做检查
But what about meeting your dad?
那见你老爸的事情咋办
We'll do it another time.
可以以后再去啦
Are you sure?
你确定吗
Your health is the most important thing.
你的健康才是最重要的事情
I know how you procrastinate.
我知道你老便秘
I do don't i?
就是嘛
Boy what would you do without me to take care of you?
天啊 没我照顾你你该咋办呢
Well i'm pretty sure
我可以肯定的是
I wouldn't be getting a colonoscopy next week.
我下周肯定不会去做结肠镜
Hey.
嗨
Hey.
嗨
You're not going to believe what i just did.
你绝对想不到我刚干了什么
All right let me see if i've got this straight.
也就是说
In order to not spend time with your fiance's parents
你为了不去见他爹
You're willing to let a doctor
你宁愿让医生把摄像头
Snake a camera up your keister.
插♥进♥你的菊花
I'd be willing to let them shoot an imax feature.
我还要让医生拍个imax版本的
But fortunately it won't be necessary.
但是实际上 我才不打算去
Oh how do you figure? i have a plan.
你是怎么打算的 我有计划了
Oh a plan.
计划啊
The day of the "procedure "
结肠检查日我是这样安排的
You're going to pretend to drive me to the "hospital."
你假装开车送我去医院
But we're not going to the hospital.
但是实际上我们没去医院
Precisely.
是滴
What we'll actually do is go to the movies.
我们实际上要去电影院
Then afterwards we'll go out for a couple of drinks
看完电影后 我们一起去喝几杯
So when i get home i'll be appropriately woozy.
等我们回家的时候 我就会适当地有些虚弱
And i'll tell chelsea
然后我会和切尔西讲
That my colon is clean as a whistle.
我结肠里污垢油渍全不见了
You know a whistle that you swallowed
当然啦 即便再干净
Then blew out your bunghole.
也是用来排泄用的
Sure.
那是的
And then she'll put me to bed.
然后切尔西就会让我上♥床♥
I'll get some "oh poor charlie" sex
我就会得到查理好可怜的爱爱
With her being ever mindful of my tender area.
而且她会非常在意我的敏感部位
This is a new low even for you.
话说即使是你也鲜少干这么没品的事
Now now to be fair
公平点吗
It's only a new low in this relationship.
这是这段感情里鲜少发生的没品的事情
True. true.
的确啊
Can i pick the movie?
我能挑电影吗
Fine.
可以
Do i get snacks?
我可以吃零食吗
Yes.
可以
I'm paying for everything.
我请客
Why do we continue to play this game?
为啥我们每次都要玩这套
Because i still have my pride.
因为我还有我的自尊
No you don't.
你的骄傲早被狗吃了
Charlie you okay?
查理你还好吗
Uh yeah yeah.
好着呢
I was just reminding alan
我就是提醒艾伦
That he has to take me in for my colonoscopy.
让他送我去做结肠镜检查
Oh that's not necessary. i'll take you.
不用了 我送你
No no no no no.
不 不 不 不 不用啦
No i don't want you wasting your time off
不想你一天时间
In a doctor's waiting room.
都浪费在候诊室
Don't be ridiculous. i'm driving you.
别傻了 说好了我送你
Now come back to bed.
现在上♥床♥睡觉了
Good plan.
妙计啊
No no no no no.
不 不 不 不
You don't understand.
你怎么就不理解呢
I need a colonoscopy and it has to be next wednesday.
我要做结肠检查 而且一定要在下周三
Yes i'll hold.
好的我等着
Can you believe it?
你知道吗
Their hold music is "tunnel of love."
他们的等待音乐是"爱的隧♥道♥"
It's better than "brown eyed girl."
总比"棕色眼睛的女孩"强
Oh god i hope i can get an appointment.
上帝保佑我能预约上
Maybe you should grease a few palms.
也许你该自己涂点润滑油
If it was me i'd be greasing everything.
如果是我 我能润滑的就都涂上
Yeah hi.
喂
Well great great.
太好了
Wednesday 8:00 a.m.
周三 上午八点
Thank you thank you.
太感谢了
You've made me very happy.
真是太让我高兴了
Yeah i imagine you don't hear that too often.
我知道你很少听到这种话
What?
什么
Yeah fine fine.
没问题
I-i-i won't eat on tuesday.
我周二不会吃东西
What do you mean flush out my system?
"排清体内物体"什么意思
Oh ick.
真恶心
All right i'm a little less happy now.
好吧 我现在没那么高兴了
Good-bye.
再见
You won't believe what they want me to do.
你知道他们要我♥干♥嘛么
You mean taking laxatives and drinking a half gallon
让你吃点泻药 再喝半加仑
Of industrial strength colon blow?
工业用强度的肠道通
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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