好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E12
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:01 p.m.
So what time is your flight?
你是几点的飞机
8:00 a.m.
早上8点
8:00 a.m.?
早上8点
Wow.
哇塞
Yep.
可不是
You want me to drive you?
你要我送你吗
That'd be nice.
那敢情好
So what time you think we should leave, around 6:00?
你觉得我们几点出门合适 6点吗
To be on the safe side.
早点走以防万一嘛
Sure, sure.
那是
You never know with traffic and airport security a all.
反正搞不好就塞车或者机场加强安保
Would you rather I call a cab?
你是不是宁愿我自己叫辆出租车
No, no. No, I won't hear of it.
不不 怎么会呢
I'll call one for you.
我亲自打电♥话♥叫车
Golly, I'm gonna miss you.
天啊 我肯定会想你的
A couple days without sex won't kill you.
我离开好几天 你要孤枕难眠了吧
It's not just sex.
我们之间有的不仅仅是性♥爱♥的
You're my friend, my companion.
你可是我的朋友 我的伴侣
And what makes you think I'm not going to have sex?
再说谁告诉你我没有性♥爱♥享受的
Excuse me?
你说啥
Hey, when e cat's away, the mice masturbate.
猫走了 老鼠总要自给自足的
Tell you what,
这样吧
why don't you open a bottle of wine,
等会你开一瓶酒
come upstairs and I'll give the mice something to remember me by.
然后上楼 我会给你这只老鼠点甜头供你回忆
Oh, yay, fresh memories.
好耶 最新版的温存记忆
Much better than the video of you on my iPhone.
这可比我iPhone里的视频强多了
You took video of me on your iPhone?
你拍了我们做♥爱♥的视频放在你手♥机♥里
well, I...
那个啥
Just a little.
有一点点吧
I'd have asked permission, but you were kind of busy.
本来想征得你的允许 但你貌似很忙
Give me the phone.
把你手♥机♥给我
Give it.
赶紧给我
Thank you.
谢谢
Oh, Charlie!
天啊 查理
What? You can't even tell it's you.
咋啦 我不说你能看出是你吗
I can't turn my back on you, can I?
我就不能背对着你是吧
Actually, I have photographic evidence that you can.
实际上我有视频证据你可以
Not anymore.
证据销毁
Don't pout.
别唧唧歪歪了
Just get the wine and come upstairs.
拿瓶酒上楼来
Okay
好吧
And leave the phone down here.
记得把手♥机♥放在楼下
Let's see, what's the proper wine for the occasion?
看看啥酒适合今天的气氛
Ah, who cares? Everything goes with ass biting.
管呢 早晚都要拉出来
Hey.
嗨
Thought you were on a date.
你不是去约会了吗
I was.
没错
It didn't go well.
结果很不顺
Really? You're usuly such a hit with the ladies.
真的? 通常是你可是少♥妇♥杀手啊
This might have been the worst datef my life.
这可以算上我今生最糟的约会了
Did she dress you in a leather bustier
难不成她逼你穿上皮质的紧身胸衣
and tie you to a bed?
然后把你绑在床上?
No.
没有
Did she Super Glue a model car to your balls?
她把模型汽车用强力胶粘在你蛋蛋上了
No.
也没有
Did she talk you into putting on one of Mom's dresses
她骗你穿上咱妈的裙子
while she stole your wallet?
然后偷了你的钱包
No.
还是没有
Well, then this wasn't even your worst date this month.
那这连你本月最糟约会榜都上不了
I suppose.
也许吧
And thanks for the highlight reel, by the way.
另外感谢你的精彩剧情回顾
Happy to help.
咱两谁跟谁啊
I feel like going down to the beach
我想去海边走走
and diving into the ocean and swimming out
然后跳入大海游泳
until my arms are so tired that I sink below the waves
直到我的胳膊累的动不了 我就可以被波涛淹没
into blessed oblivion.
然后幸福地离开人世
Hold o Before you do anything crazy,
你去做别的傻事之前
can you help me get this bottle open?
先帮我开了这瓶酒
Sure. I mean...
好的
these women you meet online--
你说我在网上遇到的这个女人
you think you have some kind of a connection,
我觉得我们之前心有灵犀
you know, a bond,
就是那种 红颜知己的感觉
and then you meet them face-to-face
但是一旦面对面了
and there's nothing.
就虾米感觉都没了
Just two lonely strangers staring at each other
就剩下两个寂寞的陌生人眼对眼
across buffalo wing and soft-serve ice cream.
中间隔着布法罗鸡翅和软冰激凌
Well, maybe your probl is taking them to a mall food court on a first date.
也许你的问题是第一次约会带人家吃购物中心快餐
Well, excuse me, but I don't want to make a big investment
拜托 我在这段感情走向不明前
until I have a sense of where things e going.
绝对不做重大投资
Plus, the parking is free.
再说了 那里可以免费停车
Here you go.
开好了
Thank yo
谢啦
If you're going for that swim,
如果你决定去游泳
make sure you tuck your driver's license
请记得携带好驾照
in your crack so I can identify your body.
以便我辨认尸体
I mean, is it so much to ask to make a connectionith another human being?
你说找个相互理解的人要求算高吗
, it's not.
不算高
I'm not even looking for sex. I just want a little companionship.
我都没有考虑性方面 只是想找个伴侣
That's rough. Buy a dog.
那可就难了 买♥♥只狗吧
You said I couldn't have a dog in the house.
你说了我不准在你家养狗
Fine. Buy a dog and move.
好吧 买♥♥只狗然后走人
You know what would be great?
你知道咋样最好吗
If you cou find a dog with its own house.
你最好能找条有房♥无贷的狗
What's taking you so long?
你干嘛这么磨蹭
Oh, hi, Alan.
你好 艾伦
How was your date? Awful.
你约会咋样 糟透了
Oh, I'm sorry. You want to talk about it?
真替你难过 你想聊聊吗
No. He's going for a swim.
不啦他打算去游泳
Well, I-I could use a friendly ear.
其实我挺想说说的
Of course. Now tell me, this is the girl
好吧 这就是你说的那个网上认识的女生
Uh-huh. "Perky Dodger fan in Tarzana."
住在圣弗南度谷的神奇道奇的粉丝
So what happened?
结果咋样
First of all, e wasn't so much perky as porky.
首先她不像波琪那么自信
More like a Dodger Dog fan.
更像是道奇狗的粉丝
n't you hate it when people misrepresent themselves?
当人们误导你的时候是不是很郁闷
I do. When someone makes a date with
可不是 我的网名是布法罗-马里布医生
"Buff Malibu doctor," that's just what they get.
这可是一点都没骗人
Apparently, even when the cat's here,
我算看出来了 就算猫在家
the mice have to masturbate.
老鼠一样得自给自足
Watching some football?
看橄榄球呢嘛
No fooling you.
你最聪聪了
Who are we rooting for?
你买♥♥的哪个队
The spread.
两边都下注了
Technically.
算是吧
Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging.
别误会 我没别的意思
It's really a victimless crime, don't you thi?
这可是无受害者的犯罪 对吧
So far.
目前是
Sorry.
对不起
Heard any good jokes lately?
近来有听到好的笑话吗
Yeah.
是
Two brotrs are sitting on a couch.
有两兄弟坐在沙发上
One of them says, "Heard any good jokes lately?"
其中一个说 近来有听到好的笑话吗
And then the other one--
然后另外一个就...
get this-- the other one lights him on fire.
听好咯 把他点成天灯了
Okay, we'll just watch the game.
好吧 专心看比赛
Thank you.
谢谢
All right, it's a commercial.
好了 广♥告♥时间
Now you can talk.
你可以说了
Well, I wathinking, with Chelsea out of town...
我在想 切尔西出城去了
Hold on, hold on, it's that baby that trades stocks.
等等 等等 这是那个会炒股的婴儿
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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