好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E05
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 4:58 p.m.
No, that's too good for you.
不 那评价还太好了
What you are is...
你是
vagina adjacent.
阴♥道♥的邻居
You know, for some women
要知道 对某些女性来说
this could be considered a hostile work environment.
这可以算是最恶劣的工作环境了
Isn't it past your bedtime?
过了你的睡觉时间了吧
I don'like to go to sleep angry.
我不想气冲冲地入睡
Try drinking more.
试试多喝点酒
What will that solve?
那能解决什么问题
Sobriety.
清醒
We need to talk.
我们得谈谈
Oh, good.
太好了
I was so worried we weren't going to talk.
我是那么担心你不跟我谈
I've been thinking.
我想过了
Maybe Jake not wanting to hang out here
杰克不想来这儿
does have something to do with us.
可能的确跟我们有关
I mean, we have been fighting a lot lately.
最近我们的确老是吵架
So?
所以呢
So, don't you want him to feel comfortable re?
所以 难道你不想他在这儿过的自在
He farts at the dinn table.
他都能在餐桌前放屁了
How much more comfortable do we want him?
你还想他多自在
Charlie, if we don't figure way out to get along
查理 如果我们不能好好相处
there's a chance we might not see him anymore.
我们可能再也见不到他了
And the downside is...?
那么 坏处是
Come on, tough guy, you know you love him.
得了吧 少装酷 你知道你是爱他的
Why don't you just admit it?
干吗不承认
Okay, I love him.
好吧 我爱他
Now go tyour room and masturbate.
现在回你房♥间打飞机去
Already did, still can't sleep.
已经试过了 还是睡不着
My point is, we have to work out our differences
我的意思是 为了这孩子
for the sake of the child.
我们得消除分歧
Are you out of your mind?
你疯了吗
I mean, if it weren't for Jake,
要不是杰克
we could just shake hands and walk away.
我们早就握握手说拜拜了
After what you've been doing,
知道你刚刚做了什么以后
There'll be no shaking hands
我死也不跟你握手
I keep Purell in my nightstand.
我床头柜上有洗手液
I'm not an animal.
我又不是动物
Where is this going, Alan?
你到底想说什么 艾伦
Well, I am glad you asked.
很高兴你这样问
A Blueprint for Love?
爱的蓝图
It's a workbook
这是朱蒂丝跟我在做夫妻咨♥询♥时
Judith and I got in couples counseling.
拿到的小册子
But the principles can be applied
但里面的原则也适用于其它
to any two human beings in a relationship.
双人关系问题
I see.
我明白了
So you did this right before e kicked your ass out
你一做完这个她就把你扫地出门了
and took everything you own?
还拿走了一切家当
The principles are sound.
这些原则是合理的
Judith is an unreasonable bitch.
朱蒂丝是个不讲理的泼妇
Now, oka uh, the, um, the first exercise--
好了 第一项内容
"Building a Foundation of Trust."
建立信任的基础
So, we eh say three things we admire about the other.
我们每人说三个欣赏对方的地方
Uh, I will go first. Um...
我先来
I admire your sense of humor,
我欣赏你的幽默
uh, your generosity
你的慷慨
and your devil-may-care attitude.
还有不斤斤计较的生活态度
Thank you.
谢谢
Now, your turn-- three things you admire about me.
该你了 三个你欣赏我的地方
Three? Really?
三个 那么多
All right, uh...
好吧
I like that you think I'm funny.
我喜欢你对我幽默的认可
Good one.
说得好
Still counts, right?
这个算吧
Sure.
当然
Two to go.
还有两个
What did Judith put?
朱蒂丝写的是什么
No cheating.
不准偷看
Okay.
好吧
Uh...you love your kid, which can't be easy.
你爱你的孩子 这可不容易
And...
还有
you disinfect your hands after you masturbate.
你打完飞机还能洗手
Thank you.
谢谢
Now, that wasn't so difficult, was it?
这也不是很难 不是吗
Okay, next.
好 下一项
There's more?
还有吗
Have we healed our relationship, Charlie?
我们关系变好了吗 查理
I'm good.
我觉得挺好啊
Ok. Three things you would change about your partner
下面说说你希望对方改变哪三点
and three things you would change about yourself.
还有希望自己改变哪三点
This time u start.
这次你先说
Why would I want to change anything about myself?
我♥干♥吗想改变我自己
You're kidding, right?
你开玩笑吧
You think you're perfect?
你觉得自己很完美
In my way.
按我的标准来看
Oh, so you he no flaws?
你觉得你没有缺点
Let us consider the hummingbird, Alan.
让我们想想蜂鸟 艾伦
Or the butterfly.
或者蝴蝶
All of God's creature are perfect
上帝创造的万物都是完美的
just the way he made them.
不用去改变什么
Except you. You suck.
只有你除外 你烂透了
Okay. Okay, fine.
好 好
Name three things you would change about me.
那说说你要我改变哪三点
Your personality,
你的个性
your wardrobe and your address.
你的穿着还有你的住址
Thank you.
谢谢
Your voice,
你的声音
your face, and again, your address.
你的脸 还有你的住址
All right... All right.
好吧 好吧
Your haircut, your fruity little workbook
你的发型 你的小册子
and your address.
还有你的住址
Just... Just needed three.
只要三点就行了
Oh, come on, we're healing.
拜托 我们的关系正在好转呢
Your cheapness,
你的小气
your smug arrogance and your address.
你的自大 还有你的住址
I'm leaving.
我走了
Hey, this thing really works!
嘿 这还真管用
The way you chew your food,
你嚼东西的方式
the hair in your ears and your address.
你耳朵里的毛 还有你的住址
That stopped being funny a week ago.
一周前这就已经不好笑了
Judges?
裁判的意见呢
Still funny.
仍然好笑
So where's the kid this weekend?
这周末怎么不见你孩子
He's not coming, thanks to my brother.
他不肯来了 这得感谢我哥
Thank you, Charlie.
谢谢 查理
Sure, lay it all on me.
是 都怪在我头上吧
Nothing's ever your fault.
你一点都没错
Hey, at least I was willing to work on our problems.
嘿 至少我有心解决我们的问题
What, that stupid Blueprint for Love?
什么 那本无聊的爱的蓝图
That was just an excuse to try to change me.
那只是你试图改变我的借口
You knew who I was
你搬来这儿的时候就知道
when you moved in here.
我是怎么样的人了
That doe't mean you can't grow.
那不代表你没法成长
Why can't you grow?
你自己干吗不成长
Because you hold me back!
因为你拖我后腿
Stop it!
别吵了
Can't you see you're tearing this family apart?!
你们想把这个家拆散吗
Hah! What a couple of 'mos.
呃 一对烦人鬼
Look, can we at least establish some ground rules
我们能不能至少基本规定一下
about how we treat each other in front of Jake
在杰克面前怎么相处
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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