好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S07E09

Part 2 Nov. 18, 2020, 5:01 p.m.

But what happens to your confidence
但不知道在约会时
when your date runs her fingers through your...
当她摸过你...特殊配方的假发后
specially formulated hairlike substance?
你的信心会怎么样？
It's "guaranteed not to smear, drip or ignite
这是保证在通常情况下
under normal circumstances."
不会液化脱落和燃烧
So you're gonna spend the rest of your life spray-painting
那你打算下半辈子都把头
your head like it's a freeway underpass?
喷得像高速公路隧♥道♥一样黑?
This is just a stopgap till the pills kick in.
这个只要撑到药物产生疗效就行
What's this, like Propecia?
这是什么霸王护发素?
Better, stronger.
更好用更强大
It's from Eastern Europe where they don't have
这来自东欧那里完全无视
to worry about all those pesky FDA regulations.
烦人的美国食品及药物管理局条例
There's a monkey on the label.
这个商标上有只猴子
It is not a monkey, it's the inventor.
那不是猴子是发明者
How long have you been taking these?
你用了多久了
A couple of weeks.
几个星期
It has to build up in your system,
这要在体内慢慢发生作用
and then stand back and grab a comb.
然后就是乌黑浓密了
Okay, well, far be it for me to judge someone
好吧我绝不会责问别人
for taking questionable pharmaceuticals,
使用有问题的药品
but be careful with this stuff.
但这玩意还是小心点
Charlie, do you really think I'm so vain
查理你真的认为我那么虚荣
that I would jeopardize my health
为了长点头发而去
just to grow a little hair?
危害自己的健康
Do I have to remind you
是不是还要我提醒
about the Japanese penis enlargement system you bought?
你曾经买♥♥过日本的阴♥茎♥增大系列产品?
That is not what caused the rupture.
我那里不是因为这才裂的
I'm sorry, but this is a monkey.
不好意思但这就是只猴子
So did you make your way around the mountain?
那你顺利登顶了吗
Excuse me?
什么
You know, were you driving six white horses?
我是说你骑着六匹白马?
What are you talking about?
你在说什么
** She'll be driving six white horses when she... *
*她会骑着六匹白马当她...(come)
Are you asking me if I had an orgasm, Charlie?
你在问我是否到高♥潮♥ 是吗
Yeah, but I'm trying to be cute about it.
是的但我想问得风趣点
No, I did not.
不我没有
But it doesn't matter.
不过没关系
It was wonderful.
还是很不错
Were you at least close?
你至少有接近高♥潮♥吧
Yes, I was close.
是的快到了
Well, that's a start.
嗯那是个起点
Now, when you were close, what was I doing?
话说你接近高♥潮♥的时候我在干嘛?
You were downstairs getting a beer.
你下楼去拿啤酒了
I'm kidding.
开玩笑的
Can we please just drop it?
我们能不能不说了
Excuse me for trying to bring you back to "gaa."
请原谅我尝试带你到顶峰
Sex is not just about orgasms.
性又不只是高♥潮♥
Oh, really?
是吗
Then how are we supposed to know when we're done?
那我们刚才做的都是为啥
Don't pout.
别噘嘴
I'm not pouting.
我没有噘嘴
Yes, you are. Your bottom lip is sticking out.
你就是有你的下唇突出来了
It's swollen.
是肿了
You could've stopped at any time.
你可以随时停止
No, no, I am not a quitter.
不我不是轻言放弃的人
Sweetheart, do you know what the best part of tonight was?
甜心你知道今晚最好的部分是什么吗
For you or me?
对你还是我
'Cause I think mine was pretty obvious.
因为就我的好处是显而易见的
It was that you cared enough
是你对我的足够重视
to plan this amazing evening for me.
去为我筹划美妙的傍晚
The beautiful dinner, wine on the deck,
精彩的晚餐桌上的美酒
the two of us talking, just being together.
我们就这样对坐而谈
It's nights like these that make me realize how lucky I am
这样的夜晚让我明白我是多么幸运
to have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
找到我想跟他共度余生的男人
Lucky, lucky, lucky.
幸运幸运幸运
Alan, I don't know how to tell you this,
艾伦我不知道怎么跟你说
but your bangs are dripping down your face.
但你的刘海都流你一脸了
A little lesson for you, Charlie.
给你上一课查理
There are two things you never want to buy on the cheap:
有两样东西你不能买♥♥便宜货
canned hair and condoms.
罐装假发和安全套
I'm assuming it never got to condoms?
我猜不是安全套惹的祸
No, it did not.
对不是的
Once my hair started dripping on her chicken marsala,
当我的头发开始滴到她的鸡肉马沙拉的时候
the evening was pretty well shot.
整个晚上就被毁了
I probably should've sprung for Captain Terry's Hair Sealer.
我大概应该摇一摇假发罐子
Well, maybe you'll have better luck with the monkey pills.
或者那些猴子药物会好些
Oh, thanks for reminding me.
谢谢你的提醒
If the date was so bad, why are you home so late?
你的约会搞砸了还这么晚回来?
I've been at the emergency room having my eyes flushed.
我在急诊室洗眼睛
Apparently, my hair contains small particles of fiberglass.
很显然我的头发含有玻璃纤维微粒
What the hell's he doing?
他到底在干嘛
Trying to sneak in two hours after curfew.
他是想在宵禁过了两小时之后溜回来
Aren't you gonna punish him?
你打算惩罚他吗
Maybe tomorrow.
明天吧
It's hard to assume any kind of moral authority
难以想象满脸流着
with Captain Terry's specially formulated hair
特瑞船长特制假发的我
all over my face.
能有什么道德说服力
True. You do kinda look like a hot fudge sundae.
没错你有点像杯热巧克力圣代
Didn't see you there.
还真没注意到你
That's the first time anyone ever said that to me.
第一次听人这样对我说
Taking a lunch break?
午餐后休息呢
Sure, let's call it that.
对就叫这个吧
Mind if I ask you a question?
我能问你个问题吗
It's Liz Taylor's White Diamonds.
是利兹泰勒的白钻
What?
什么
My fragrance.
我的香水
You can get it at Costco.
好市多里有卖♥♥
Nice.
真好
It's a great stocking stuffer for Christmas.
圣诞节拿来送礼不错
I'll remember.
我会记着
I'll act surprised.
我到时会装作很惊喜的
Actually, I was gonna ask you about when you were married.
我其实想问你结婚时的事
Which time?
哪次的
What was the long one?
长一点的那个
Jerry. 14 years.
杰瑞 14年
God rest his soul.
上帝保佑他安息
He's dead? He better be.
他死了? 最好死了
Okay, well, when Jerry walked among us,
那杰瑞还在世的时候
was there a time when he wasn't, you know,
有没有一段时间
doing it for you?
他没有满足你
You mean even though he was doing it to me?
你是说即使他在和我做♥爱♥?
Yeah.
对
Well, sure. But that's natural.
当然有这很正常
Passion always fades over time.
时间会冲淡激♥情♥
Before you know it, you find yourself daydreaming,
还没来得及反应你已经在做白日梦了
barely noticing the naked guy with the bad mullet
几乎不会注意留着地中海发型
and the flip-flops doing his dirty business on top of you.
穿人字拖的裸男在你身上干坏事
Jerry?
杰瑞?
God, no-- I never let Jerry on top.
当然不是我从不让杰瑞在上面
He was like a fur-covered water heater.
他简直像个披了层皮的热水器
So that's it?
就这样?
That's all I have to look forward to?
我能期望的就这些了?
A wife that has to go to a happy place
每次和她做♥爱♥
every time I have sex with her?
都要去开心地方的老婆
Is Chelsea complaining?
切尔西跟你投诉了
No.
没
Can you read her mind?
你有读心术吗
No.
没
Then don't worry about it.
那就不用担心
How can I not worry?
怎么可能不担心