好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E20
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:04 p.m.
Well, I guess if I have to choose,
我在想是不是要选择
My favorite kind of sex is make-up sex.
我最喜欢的就是和解式嘿♥咻♥
You're kidding.
你在说笑吧
No, it's great.
没 很好玩的
Here's how we do it.
是这样做的
I will do or say something that will really irritate you.
我会说或者做一些让你烦躁的事
I can imagine that happening.
我想象得出
And then we'll have an argument,
然后我们开始争吵
Which will escalate into a fight.
逐步演变成争斗
You'll sulk, I'll pout.
你不悦 我噘嘴
Then after a couple of minutes, we'll look at each other
几分钟后 我们就会看着对方
And realize we're being silly,
意识到我们太傻了
and how lucky we are to have each other.
意识到我们能拥有对方是多么幸运
Then I will take you in my arms
然后我会揽你入怀
And we'll hump our brains out.
然后我们就开始加足马力了
Fine. how do we start?
了解 我们怎样开始
Let me think.
我想想看
All right.
这样吧
Go in the bathroom and look in the sink.
到厕所去看看水池
What?
什么
Just-just do it. trust me.
做就是了 相信我
Oh, god, it's disgusting!
天啊 太恶心了
Good, go with that.
很好 就这样继续
Would it kill you to rinse out the sink after you shave?
刮毛后冲下就让让你生不如死啊
Sorry.
抱歉
All right, I forgive you.
好 我原谅你了
No, no-no, no, no, no, no. not yet.
不 不 不 不 还没结束
Make me work for it.
逼我吵架
Okay.
好的
Damn it, Charlie,
该死 查理
You're the most thoughtless man in the world.
你真是世界上最不替别人着想的男人了
Oh, come on, I'll rinse out the sink when I brush my teeth.
拜托 我会在刷牙的时候冲一下水池的
You haven't brushed your teeth yet?
你还没刷牙么
What kind of a pig are you?
你属猪的么
Nice touch.
这话不错
But just remember, you're not really mad about the whiskers.
记住 别真的为胡须生气
You're mad, 'cause I don't listen to you
你是因为我没听你说话而生气
And I don't like your friends
而且我不喜欢你的朋友
And I said snide things about your mother.
我还说了你妈妈的很多坏话
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so...
对 对 对
When do we get to the "humping our brains out"?
什么时候开足马力呢
Oh, we're not even close.
还远着呢
This goes on for hours.
要几个小时
Take this and pretend like you're working.
拿着这个 假装你正在工作
Oh, sweetie, I don't have to pretend.
亲爱的 我确实在工作
How would you feel about slapping some
你喜不喜欢把油腻腻的润肤霜
greasy skin cream all over your face?
拍得满脸都是?
Where you going with this?
你这又扯到哪去了
I'm just talking skin cream.
我只是聊聊润肤霜而已
What do you think, I'm some kind of freak?
怎么了 你不会以为我是变♥态♥佬吧
Okay, but I'm not that kind of freak.
好吧 但我可没变♥态♥到那种程度
That's going to attract seagulls.
这味道能把海鸥给招来
Okay, let's get this over with.
好了 咱们做正事儿吧
Don't you want to have some
要不要尝一下客房♥服务
room service champagne and oysters
提供的香槟和牡蛎
No. I do this better on an empty stomach.
不用了 我空腹的时候干这事更好些
By the way, um, I'm a little foggy from the vicodin,
顺便说句 我吃维柯丁吃的有点晕乎
so if I fall asleep in the middle,
所以 如果我中途睡着了
just give me a little tap on the shoulder.
你只要拍我肩膀一下就好了
Okay.
好的
Come here.
来吧
You're a good kisser, Alan.
艾伦 你真是个接吻高手
Thank you.
多谢
Better than my ex-husband.
起码比我前夫强
Oh. well, good for me.
是嘛 我真荣幸
He made up for it below the waist,
所以他只能用腰部以下部位来弥补
if you know what I mean.
你懂我的意思吧
He had big feet?
他的脚很大吗
Three of them.
三只大脚
But only two wore shoes.
但只有两只需要穿鞋子
Lucky you.
你真走运
Ah, don't worry.
别担心嘛
Size doesn't matter to me.
大小对我来说不重要的
Good to know.
那就好
In fact, in this situation,
说真的 就眼下来说
the smaller the better.
越浓缩 越精华
Um... you're welcome?
额... 不用客气?
What the hell was that?
那是什么鬼动静
Um, I don't know.
我不知道
Maybe the strawberries are fighting with the oysters.
也许是草莓大战牡蛎吧
What?
干嘛
I think the oysters are making a break for it.
我觉得牡蛎想要趁乱逃走了
Excuse me.
等我一会
Are you going to throw up?
你要吐了吗
I wish!
我倒是想
You might want to turn the tv on-- loud!
你可能需要把电视打开 声音调大
Why?
为什么啊
You don't want to hear what's about to happen!
接下来的声音你不会想听到的
Oh... klahoma ?
[《雾水总统》插曲]
where the wind comes sweeping down the plain ?
是何处来的狂风拂扫着大地
Where the waving wheat ?
哪里有麦浪翻滚
It sure smells sweet when the wind... ?
当风吹过 甜香四溢....
All right, one grilled cheese with avocado and bacon,
好了 一份鳄梨熏肉烤芝士
extra crispy.
格外松脆
Oh, thank you, honey.
谢谢你 亲爱的
You realize that bacon's going to kill you.
你知道熏肉会要了你的小命吧
I know.
我知道
You say you know, but you keep eating it.
你嘴上说知道 却还在继续吃
Oh, come on, don't nag.
拜托 别唠叨了行不
I'm not nagging, i'm concerned about you.
我不是唠叨 我这是在关心你
Fine, fine. I'll take the bacon off.
好吧好吧 我把熏肉拿掉
Don't do me any favors.
你用不着敷衍打发我
No-no, no. I'm doing it. I'm doing it, see?
不不不 我这就把肉拿掉 看见没
Who's that?
谁来了
Just the kid. Jake, get in here!
孩子回来了 杰克 过来
We have a kid?
咱俩还有孩子
You didn't say anything about having a kid.
你可从来没提到过孩子的事情
He's not ours. he's my brother's.
他不是咱俩的 是我弟弟的孩子
So what's my part in this scenario?
那我现在又该扮演什么角色
You don't think I'm a good role model,
你觉得我不是一个模范父亲
and yet, paradoxically
但让你无比纠结的是
you still want to have children with me.
你仍然想和我生孩子
What?
怎么了
Did you go out even though you were grounded?
你是不是明知自己被禁足了还出去溜达
You told me to.
你让我出去的啊
Don't look at me like that. he's lying.
别这样看着我 这小子在说谎
I'm not lying.
我才没说谎
And I'm not looking at you.
而且我也没朝你看
All right, all right, enough.
好了好了 够了
You, young man,
你 年轻人
Go to your room and think about what you've done.
回你的房♥间去 好好反省你做过的事
Whatever.
随你怎么说
I think we handled that really well.
我觉得咱们处理的挺好的
Tough love, but I'm still the cool uncle.
爱之深责之切 但我还是那个酷蜀黍
Hey, if you're happy, I'm happy.
你高兴就行 我没意见
I'm very happy.
我非常高兴
In fact, are you free tomorrow?
还有 你明天有空吗
I'm never free, but I'm available.
我一直没空 但我可以抽空
Well, great.
那太好了
How about you drag me to some boring museum
不如你拖我去某个无聊的博物馆
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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