好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S02E01
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 12:04 p.m.
Man. Okay, well, that's the game.
天啊 这就是比赛
Dad, can I have my allowance?
爸爸 给我零花钱
Sure. Here.
给你
Thanks. Here.
谢谢 给你
Pleasure doing business with you.
很高兴和你交易
You're taking my son's allowance on a football bet?
等等 你把我儿子的零花钱用在赌球上
Hey, when he wins, I pay off. You know, minus the vig.
他也有赢的时候 要知道这只是奖励罢了
Minus the vig. You're charging him for the privilege of making a bet?
这可是因为 他自己整理床我奖励给他的
That's what the vig is, Dad.
这确实是奖励 爸爸
Face it. He's not gonna learn this stuff in school.
面对现实吧 学校里不会教这些东西的
I don't care. Give him his allowance back.
我不在乎 把钱还他
Fine.
好吧
You get no allowance. That's your punishment for gambling.
作为你赌博的惩罚 这钱我没收了
Told you he'd do that. Yeah, you did.
我说的吧 是的 你是对的
Pleasure doing business with you.
很高兴和你交易
Hey, listen. After you drop him off at his mom's house tonight, do me a favor?
今晚这里有个重要活动 帮个忙
Just make yourself scarce, okay? What's her name?
差一句翻译 她叫什么名字
Or is it too early to ask?
还是我问的太早
It's not a girl. I'm just having friends over.
不是女人 只是叫些我的朋友过来这
Oh, poker? Oh, can I play?
玩扑克 我能参加吗
I'm better than I used to be. It's not poker.
比起以前我现在玩得很好了 - 不是扑克
Wait. A flush beats a straight...
同花比顺子大
...and a full boat beats a flush, right? - Right...
俘虏比同花大 对吧
A full house and a full boat are the same...
俘虏和三加二是一样的
...so I won't say "full houseboat" anymore.
我保证我再也不会说"三俘虏二"了
It's not poker, Alan. Then what's going on?
不是打扑克 那是什么
I'm just having some friends over to smoke cigars...
只是一些朋友聚在一起抽抽雪茄
...sample some fine single-malt Scotch and, you know, talk.
品尝下精酿苏格兰威士忌 以及随便聊聊
I enjoy all those things. Well, Scotch makes me a little gassy.
这些我都很喜欢 除了...威士忌让我有点胃胀气
But I'll take a Beano and I'm good to go.
但吃点健胃消食片就没事了
That's nice, but I don't think you'd be comfortable.
很好 但我认为你不适合参加
Why not? Because we talk about personal things.
为什么 因为我们讨论私事
You mean like a support group? No, no, no. It's not a support group.
你是说类似于互助会 不不不 不是互助会
It's just guys who get together to talk about their lives.
是男人们聚在一起 谈论他们这几个月的生活
That's a support group. No, it's not.
那就是互助会 不 不是
Okay, it's not.
那不是
It's not.
那不是
Got it. So why can't I come?
我知道了 那为什么我不能参加
Because these men are my friends.
因为参加的人都是我的朋友
There's a level of trust and confidentiality.
我们彼此信任和坦诚
I'm your friend. No, you're my brother.
我不是你朋友? 你是我弟弟
Wait a minute. You don't consider me a friend?
等等 你认为我不是你朋友?
It's not up to me.
这不是由我来决定的
A friend is someone you choose. A brother is someone you get.
朋友是可以选择的 弟弟是命中注定没得挑的
Excuse me? There's no choice involved.
什么? 没有选择余地
Your dad just wakes you up in the night and says:
你♥爸♥爸就那么看着你然后说
"Your mom wasn't really fat and this isn't your room anymore."
你母亲不是发胖 那不再是你一个人的房♥间了
So all these years, I've just been an intruder to you?
所以那么多年来 我对你只是一个入侵者
An inconvenience? A burden?
一个不便 一个累赘?
Well, sure. You can spin it that way.
你也可以这么理解
You know, I had no idea you felt this way.
我不知道你原来这么想的
I am very, very hurt.
我很伤心
But you'll still make yourself scarce, right?
但你晚上还是会晚点回来的 对吧?
Bye, Uncle Charlie. See you, buddy.
再见 查理叔叔 回见 朋友
Oh, he's your buddy? Alan, don't start.
他是你的朋友? 艾伦 别扯了
How is he your buddy? You didn't choose him.
他怎么会是你的朋友? 你没有选择他
I chose to let him stay here. You chose to let me stay here too.
我选择让他留在这 你也让我住在这里的
No. I chose him, I got you.
不 我选择了他 多出了个你
You know, there are times I just loathe you.
要知道 有时候我真的很讨厌你
And yet you're surprised I don't consider you a friend.
那对于没把你当朋友 不该觉得惊讶吧?
Okay, have your real friends to your little "support group."
好吧 去和你那些所谓的知心朋友做互助会
It is not... It is a support group!
那不是... 那就是互助会
It's a support group for weak, rudderless men.
那是一帮没用并且无所事是的人 聚在一起的互助会
And I wouldn't be a part of it if you begged me.
我是绝对不会参加的 除非你求我
Okay, bye.
好吧 再见
Dad, check this out. You can pick your friends...
爸 听听这个 你可以自己挑选朋友
...you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.
也可以挖鼻屎 但你无法挖你朋友的鼻屎
You know who told me that? I can guess.
知道谁告诉我的吗? 我可以猜到
Uncle Charlie. And you know why it's funny? Because it's true.
查理叔叔说的 知道为什么那么好笑吗 因为是事实
Yeah, yeah. Have a nice week, Jake.
是 是啊 周末过的愉快点 杰克
Bye, Dad. Hi, Mom. Can I have my allowance?
再见 爸爸 妈妈能给我点零花钱吗
I missed you too, sweetie.
很高兴见到你 甜心
Thanks for dropping him by. Judith, hold on.
谢谢你把他接过来 等等 茱迪丝
Do you consider us friends?
你认为我们是朋友吗?
I consider you my ex-husband.
我只知道你是我前夫
I know. But putting aside for the moment...
我知道 但先把我们那无爱的婚姻和...
...our loveless marriage and messy divorce...
糟糕的离婚放一边
...we always had a certain camaraderie, am I right?
我们之间总还是有着某种联♥系♥ 对吧?
Can we talk some other time? I'm having people over for dinner.
我们现在能不能不谈这个 我正在招待朋友吃晚饭
Oh, really? Anybody I know?
真的吗? 有我认识的人吗?
Sandra and Howard. Oh, no kidding. Can I say hello?
桑德拉和霍华德 我能去打声招呼吗?
I'd rather you didn't. Why not?
我想最好不要 为什么?
Sandra and Howard are my friends too. In fact, I introduced them to you.
桑德拉和霍华德也是我的朋友 事实上还是我介绍你们认识的
Well, why don't you call them and invite them to your house.
是的 那你何不以后给他们打电♥话♥邀请他们去你家做客
This is my house. Those were my friends.
这就是我的家 那些也是我的朋友
The fact is, you're having my friends for dinner in my house.
事实上是你在我家 和我的朋友一起吃晚饭
Yes, Alan, that is exactly what's happening.
是的艾伦 就是这么回事
Well, when I'm right, I'm right.
我说对的就是对的
I've got something I wanna talk about, but it's gotta stay in this room.
我先来说说我的事 但不能传出去
Everything stays in the room.
没什么东西会传出去的
Yeah, sure, Judas. Does that include veiled references...
没错 犹大 你打算偷偷
...in one of your wise-ass songs?
用在你那些垃圾歌♥里 对吧
I said sorry about that. Too little, too late.
我说过了不好意思 没诚意也太晚了
We have to go through this every time we get together?
行了 不要每次 我们聚在一起都要旧事重提
It's water under the bridge. Thank you.
事情都过去了 谢谢啦
It wouldn't have killed you to thank him in your Grammy speech.
尽管他杀了你也不足惜 因为你没在格莱美获奖致词里感谢他
That I would've done, but, you know, Bacharach,
我本来是要说的 但巴克拉赫的致词太长了
he just went on so long.
搞得我没时间了
Well, get on with it.
别管那个了
All right. How do I say this?
好吧 我是想说
Do any of you get up in the middle of the night to pee?
你们中有谁会半夜起床去上厕所吗?
Sure. Occasionally.
去的 偶尔
Sometimes, I don't even get up.
有时我根本还没起床就解决了
This is what I can't write songs about?
这就是你不想让我写进歌♥词的?
Oh, drat.
你厉害
All right, look. It's not about peeing, per se.
听着 这跟尿尿无关
It's about getting older.
是慢慢老去的问题
I'm laying in bed with my wife.
我躺在我妻子旁边
She looks beautiful, sexy.
她看上去美丽性感依旧
All I wanna do is finish my Corn Pops and go to sleep.
可我想要做的 就是吃完爆米花去睡觉
What are you doing?
你在干嘛?
Shopping list. You know, just a shopping list.
写购物单 没啥 别多想
So you're saying the old flag's at half-mast?
你是说你那面老旗 只能升一半了?
No, the old flag is fine.
不 那面老旗很好
And I'd rather not refer to it as an old flag, if you don't mind.
而且如果你不介意 请别用老旗来形容
No, my point is, it's about shifting priorities or something.
我要说的是 是关于转换个人首要目标之类的
Flag, drag, hag.
老旗 软了 砍了
I will knock your glasses through your eyeballs. I will do it.
我会戳穿你的眼镜直插眼珠子 要不要试试?
Let me tell you something, fellas.
让我告诉你们点老话
It doesn't matter what the calendar says, you're as old as you feel.
不管别人怎么说 你觉得自己老了 就是老了
Me, I feel...
我 觉得自己
...like...
就好象
...boiled crap.
煮熟的屎
Hello. Oh, man.
大家好 老天爷
I'm sorry, guys. It's my brother.
十分抱歉 他是我弟弟
We agreed you weren't gonna be here.
你怎么回来了
Don't worry, I just need my phone book.
别担心 我只是回来拿我的电♥话♥本
Is that...? Yes.
那个不是... 是的
And that...? Yeah.
那... 是的
And that?
那个
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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