好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E04
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 4:58 p.m.
Where have you been?
你去哪了
Had a date with Melissa.
和梅丽莎约会
How'd it go?
约会愉快吗
She break up with me
她和我分手了
And I may have to register as a sex offender.
我还作为性侵犯去了局子一趟
Well, as long as you had fun.
至少你还是蛮欢乐的
Charlie, do you have any idea how difficult it is to
查理 你知道如果没有自己的窝
Maintain a relationship when you don't have a place of your own?
维持一段感情有多难吗
Alan, if I didn't have a place of my own,
艾伦 如果我没有自己的房♥子
I'd be worried about more important things than a relationship.
我就会关心比感情更重要的东西
Like, you know, getting a place of my own.
就像 你知道的 为自己的窝奋斗
So, you're saying I'm not entitled to a relationship?
你是说我没有谈感情的权利吗
No, I'm saying if you can't afford dog food. You don't get a dog.
不 我是说买♥♥不起狗粮就不要养狗
Oh, great, so I'm just supposed to be alone for the rest of my life?
好极了 就是说我注定下辈子孤独了
No, you're supposed get your own freakin' place!
不 你应该去争取属于自己的房♥子
Just 'cause you keep saying it, doesn't mean it's gonna happen.
不要以为你说个不停我就会去做
How's the french toast, jake?
杰克 法国吐司味道怎么样
It's bread dipped in eggs.
不就面包浸上鸡蛋嘛
You can't really screw it up.
还能怎么样
It's fine.
挺好吃的
It's the best damn french toast I've ever had in my whole freakin' life.
这是我TM这辈子吃过的最棒的法国吐司
Now stop kicking me.
别踢我了好吗
Okay, guys, I'll see you later.
伙计们 回见
Oh, you're working on a Sunday?
你周日还工作啊
Well, kind of.
算是吧
Since my brother and I are both extremely anxious for me to get my own place--
我哥哥和我都急着想让我有个自己的家
Me, because I'd like a sense of autonomy,
我是因为喜欢自立的感觉
And him, because he's a spiteful turd--
他的话 是因为他是可恶的一坨屎
Um...
是
I have found a way to earn some extra money.
我找到了赚外快的方法
Great. Put me down for three boxes of thin mints
好 给我来三盒薄荷味饼干
And some peanut butter sandies.
再来点花生酱口味的饼干
Ah, girl scout cookies? I like those samoas.
女童子军饼干吗 我喜欢萨摩饼干
I'm not selling cookies, jake.
杰克 我不是卖♥♥饼干
Oh...
哦
Then what are you selling?
那你是卖♥♥什么的
It better not be your liver-- I got dibs.
最好不要是你的肝 我是有所有权的
Hello.
有人吗
Where is my new assistant?
我的新助理在哪呢
Oh, you didn't.
哦 你不是吧
Morning, all.
大家早上好
Here, darling, put this on.
给 亲爱的 穿上这件衣服
Ooh, snazzy. Do I get to keep it?
挺时髦的 我能留着吗
No, but if this works out, I'll sell it to you at cost.
不 不过如果这笔谈成 我就减价卖♥♥给你
You're going to work for mom?
你要给老妈打工
What else am I supposed to do?
我还能干什么
I don't know, some job that ts you keep your self-respect.
不知道 找份对得起自尊心的工作
Like, you know, man whore...
比如说男妓
Dog de-wormer...
小狗驱虫师
Outhousenspector.
厕所所长
Morning, Charlie. Hey, mom. How are you?
早上好 查理 嘿 妈妈 你好
I'm going to work weekends with mom selling real estate,
我周末帮老妈卖♥♥♥房♥♥地♥产♥
And she's going to give me a piece of the action.
她会分我杯羹
No, I said having an assistant would give me a little peace
不 我说的是有个助理会让我安心些
So I could get some action.
这样我就可以忙里偷闲了
Well, whatever. It's a start.
不管怎么说 这都是一个开头
Let's .
我们
No, dear.
不 亲爱的
I say, "let's go."
我来说 我们走
Oh, oh, okay.
哦 好吧
Let's go.
我们走
Stop.
停下
Take my bag.
帮我拎包
Now let's go.
现在可以走了
Is is going to be fun.
会很好玩的
Okay, I'm done.
好 我吃完了
He didn't say thank you.
他没说谢谢
He's leaving the room. We should thank him.
他离开房♥间了 我们应该谢他
Jake, come back in here and say thank you to chelsea.
杰克 回来向切尔西道声谢
Jake, I'm warning you.
杰克 我警告你
Jake!
杰克
Thank you, chelsea.
谢谢 切尔西
Now was that so hard?
真有那么难吗
Oh, welcome, welcome.
哦 欢迎 欢迎
Please sign in. Take a flyer.
请登记 拿张宣传♥单♥
There's juice and cookie in the kitchen.
厨房♥里有甜点和果汁
Thank you.
谢谢
I know, you think you'd never use a bidet,
我知道 你们觉得永远不会用到坐浴盆的
But trust me, once you do, you'll never go back
但是请相信我 一旦你们用过之后
To just wiping.
你们不会仅仅满足于用纸擦了
Anyway, if you're not ready to buy,
你们要是不打算买♥♥
The owners are willing to lease.
房♥主也是愿意出租的
Thank you.
谢谢
You're very welcome.
你们太客气了
Oh, the rat bastards live right across the street.
这些个王八蛋就住在街对面
They probably just came for the free cookies.
我估计他们就是来蹭免费饼干的
Um, mom, have to go to the bathroom.
老妈 我要去趟厕所了
Number one or number two?
大号♥还是小号♥
What difference does it make?
有啥区别不
Alan, I'm trying to sell a house here
艾伦 我这正卖♥♥♥房♥♥子呢
Warm cookie smell, good-- hot poop smell, bad.
新鲜出炉的饼干人人爱 新鲜出炉的大便没人喜欢
I'll wait.
那我等等好了
So the people who own this live mostly in new york?
这房♥子的主人♥大♥多数时间待在纽约吗
Oh, they have homes all over the place.
他们全世界都有房♥子
Probably don't even remember they have this one.
他们还记不记得这房♥子都不一定了
Hardly seems fair.
这世界真不公平啊
Want fair? Go live on a kibbutz.
想要公平 你去基布兹住住看(以色列务农为主的集体社区)
Funny.
你真逗
How's that work, exactly?
到底他们是怎么操作的
Do you have to be jewish?
一定要犹太人才能住进去吗
Oh, welcome, welcome.
欢迎 欢迎
Please sign in.
请签名
Uh, there's juice and cookies the kitchen.
果汁和饼干在厨房♥ 请随意
Loose floorboard.
地板松了
Okay, we need to talk about your kid and my fiancée.
我要和你谈谈你儿子和我未婚妻
I already talked to him,
我已经和他谈了
And he promised to stay out of her underwear drawer.
他发誓离她的内衣橱远远的
What?
啥
Not that he ever went into it.
更何况他根本没靠近过
It's just a precaution.
我是为了防患于未然
Alan, I don't think you realize...
艾伦 我觉得你根本没意识到
Look, look, look, I would love that conversation,
你瞧 我特想和你谈谈
But i've got to get to work.
但是我要打工去了
It's 9:00 at night.
现在是晚上九点了
Tell that to our mother. People want to see a house
你应该和老妈说这句话 有人想看♥房♥♥
At night a she's got a date, guess who has to show the house?
她还要去约会 猜猜谁去加班捏
Well, fine, at least take the rhesus monkey with you.
行啊 那麻烦你带上你家那只恒河猴
Oh yeah, nothing sells a multi-million dollar home
可不是吗 卖♥♥一栋价值数百万的房♥子最合适的人选
More than a 15ear-old boy with greasy hair and bo.
就是烂头型有体臭的15岁小屁孩
Okay, let him stand on the lawn
那让他站在草坪上呗
A jockey costume, holding a lantern.
穿个小丑服 再提个灯笼
Look, you're the one who said I needed to get my own place.
可是你告诉我要买♥♥一栋自己的房♥子
This is what I got to do.
我现在正在努力嘛
You don't fool me.
你这个大骗子
Yore never leaving.
这辈子你都不会滚蛋的
Never!
这辈子都不会
That's it.i am done trying with that kid.
拉倒吧 我是没办法哄那孩子了
When did my life turn into leave it to beaver?
我的生活咋变的和"天才小麻烦"一样
It was more fun when it was leave it to beaver.
我觉得"天才小麻烦"活的还容易些
Okay, num nuts, what did you say to chelsea?
你这个混球和切尔西说什么了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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