好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S01E01
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 11:56 a.m.
So,what do you think?
你觉得怎么样
It's for you,right?
是给你的 对吧?
It's for both of us.
是给我们两个人的
Don't go away.
别走开
Don't worry.
别担心
There's not enough blood left in my legs to go anywhere.
我腿里剩下的血不够我走路的了
Hey,it's Charlie.
嘿 我是查理
Do your thing when you hear the beep.
听到滴您就说话
Listen,you lousy S.O.B.（=son of bitch)
听着 你这个混♥蛋♥
I will not be treated like this.
我不允许你这么对我
Either you call me,
要么你打给我
or you are gonna be very,very sorry.
要么你就惨了
I love you,Monkey Man.
我爱你 小猴子
Charlie
查理
Who was that?
那是谁
Damn telemarketers
破电♥话♥推销员
A telemarketer who calls you Monkey Man?
叫你小猴子的电♥话♥推销员?
I'm on some weird list.
我被列入了一些黑名单
Okay,it's a woman I went out with once
是个和我有过一♥夜♥情♥的女人
and she got a little clingy.
她有点缠人了
You are a bad,bad boy.
你真是个坏死了的男孩
And yet,you're always the one getting spanked.
但你仍然是那个被打屁♥股♥的
Jeez.
天
Hey,it's Charlie.
嘿 我是查理
Do your thing when you hear the beep.
听到滴您就说话
Charlie,it's Alan.
查理 我是艾伦
Your brother.
你弟弟
No big deal,
没什么大事
just wanted to touch base.
只是想和你联♥系♥一下
My wife threw me out
我老婆把我赶出来了
and I'm kinda losing the will to live.
我有点不想活下去了
So,when you get a chance,
当你有时间的时候
I'd really love to-
我非常想...
I don't know
我也不知道了
Oh hey,Alan,I'm sorry to hear about that.
嘿 艾伦 很难过听到那件事
So,where you gonna go,to a hotel or
所以你打算去哪 旅馆还是...
Huh? Well,yea,
什么 好的
I guess you could stay here.
我想你可以呆在我这里
Okay,I'll see you when you get here.
好的 等你到了我们再见
We better hurry.
我们最好快点
Oh,is she staying over?
她要留下来过夜吗
Because I may have parked behind her.
因为我可能把车停在她后面了
Twelve years,
12年了
and she just throws me out.
她居然这么把我赶出来了
I mean,what was the point of our wedding vows?
那结婚誓言还有什么用呢
You know,till death do us part.
直到死亡将我们分开
Who died? Not me. Not her.
谁死了 我没死 她没死
How did you get in my house?
你怎么进来的
Okay,Charlie,the key in the fake rock,
查理 把钥匙就藏在假石头下面
only works if it's among other rocks.
只有还有其他石头的时候才管用
Not sitting on your welcome mat.
而不是放在你门口的垫子上
Excuse me,
我说一句
but if you put the fake rock
如果你把假石头...
in with a bunch of other rocks
和其他石头混在一起
it's impossible to find when you're drunk.
你醉的时候怎么找
You know,I'm a good husband.
我是个好丈夫
I'm faithful.
我很忠诚
Is she? Is she what?
她呢 她什么
Faithful?
忠诚吗
Don't be ridiculous.
别开玩笑了
Judith doesn't even like sex.
朱蒂丝对做♥爱♥都不感兴趣
I mean,all she kept saying
她总是说
was she felt suffocated,you know?
她觉得喘不上气来了
She kept going on and on,
一直说
I'm suffocating,I'm suffocating.
我喘不上气了 我喘不上气来了
What does that mean,you know?
那么说什么意思
Has a woman ever said that to you?
有女人那么跟你说过吗
Well,yea,
当然
but not a woman who doesn't like sex.
但不是对做♥爱♥没兴趣的女人
And Jake,
还有杰克
this could just destroy Jake.
这会毁了杰克的
Jake?
杰克?
My son.
我儿子
Oh,yea,
噢 对
Teenagers are pretty sophisticated these days.
现在的青少年都很老成了
He's 10.
他才10岁
Charlie,I'm going to go.
查理 我先走了
Oh no.
不会吧
You two need to talk.
你们两个需要好好谈谈
I'll call you tomorrow.
我明天打给你
I'm sorry to hear about you and your wife.
听到你和你妻子的事很难过
Oh come on,you leaving isn't going to bring them back together again.
你走了他们两个又不能和好
Look,
听着
this is just until things settle out,okay?
等到事情解决就好了
A couple of days,max. She will come to her senses.
最多几天 她就会讲理了
Yea,that's what women do.
对 女人都这德性
Look,you can have the guest room.
你可以住在客房♥里
I'll grab some sheets.
我去拿床单
That's okay,I brought my own.
没关系 我把我自己的带来了
You brought your own sheets?
你把你家的床单带来了?
I like my sheets.
我喜欢我的床单
Okay then,good night.
那好了 晚安
No,no,wait,wait.
不 不 等会 等会
Charlie,I mean,we hardly ever talk to each other.
查理 我们两个从没好好说过话
What do you want to talk about Alan?
艾伦 你想谈点什么
I don't know.
我不知道
Uh,I was named Chiropractor of the Year
我被圣佛南多谷按♥摩♥协会
by the San Fernando Valley Chiropractic Association.
提名为年度按♥摩♥师
Okay then,good night.
那好吧 晚安
No. Charlie,
别 查理
what about you?
你呢
What's going on with you?
你最近怎样
Well,Alan,there's not much to say.
艾伦 我没什么好说的
I make a lot of money for doing very little work.
我做很少的事拿很多的钱
I sleep with beautiful women who don't ask about my feelings.
和不关心我感受的漂亮女人上♥床♥
I drive a Jag,I live at the beach and
我开捷豹 住在海滩
sometimes in the middle of the day,
有时候在中午 也没什么原因
for no reason at all,I like to make myself a big pitcher of margaritas
我就给自己调一大杯玛格丽特酒
and take a nap out on the sundeck.
在露天平台上睡个午觉
Okay then,good night Charlie.
好了 晚安 查理
Good night.
晚安
Goodnight Monkey Man.
晚安 小猴子
Boy,is your eye red.
天 你眼睛真红
You should see it from in here.
你应该从这边看
What are you doing here,Jake?
杰克 你在这干吗
My mom brought me.
我妈妈带我来的
Will you take me swimming in the ocean?
你能带我去海里游泳吗
Can we talk about it after my head stops exploding?
我们能等我头不再爆♥炸♥再谈吗
Why is your head exploding?
你为什么头会爆♥炸♥
Well,I drank a little too much wine last night.
我昨天喝酒喝的有点太多了
If it makes you feel bad,
如果它让你难受
why do you drink it?
那你为什么还喝
Nobody likes a wise ass,Jake.
杰克 没人喜欢聪明蛋
You have to put a dollar in the swear jar.
你得在失言罐里放一美元
You said ass.
你说蛋了
Tell you what,
好了
here's twenty.
这是20块
That should cover me until lunch.
到午饭之前都够用了
Now,what I think you need to do
现在我觉得你需要
is to make a list.
列个单子
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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