好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E09
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:01 p.m.
Wow. That was great.
天啊 真TNND的爽
Good, I'm glad.
那我也很开心
Wait, wait, wait. You're glad?
等会 你只是很开心而已
Yeah.
是啊
I knew it.
我就知道
There was no "gaa."
你没说我的天啊
"Gaa"?
什么我的天啊
When the sex is working for you,
你到了高♥潮♥就说我的天啊
you try to say "God," but it comes out "gaa."
不过因为太兴奋一般会说偶的天内
And this time, there was no "gaa."
可是这次你啥都没说
Charlie...
查理
No "gaa," no good.
你不喊天你就没到
And I'll tell you another thing.
而且再补充一点
You usually grab my ass like you're holding
你一般都紧紧抓住我的屁屁
a tree trunk in a hurricane.
就像卡特里娜飓风来的时候抓住一棵树
Just now, it was more like youe are palming
可是刚才你就像在超♥市♥
a couple of cantaloupes at the supermark.
用手拍着两个哈密瓜
Fireworks n't have to go off every time
我也不用每次都到高♥潮♥的
for me to enjoy it.
我觉得很享受就可以嘛
Oh, please, fireworks is the whole plan of the exerise.
拜托 我可是没高♥潮♥没乐趣好不好
Otherwise, all you've got is
否则我们刚才那样
two naked people humping on a StairMaster.
根本就是两个人裸体做有氧运动
Sometimes it's nice just being close.
有时候快到了就很好了
Nice being close.
快到了就好了
Great.
拉倒吧
Now I know what it's like to be my brother.
现在我理解艾伦的感受了
Would you stop it?
求你了别纠结了
No, this is the beginning of the end.
这简直就是前兆
First our sex life goes to hell,
先是我们性生活不和谐
then we start eating dinner at 4:30,
接下来我们就会在4.30开始吃晚饭
watching reruns of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman,
然后一起重温《女医生》(1993年的美国肥皂剧)
and at 9:00 we shake hands, pee and go to sleep.
然后晚上9点我们握下手 尿完尿就上♥床♥睡觉
Then around midnight I get up to pee again.
到了半夜 我再起夜尿上一次
Quit making such a big deal out of it.
不要大惊小怪没事找事嘛
Just because every once in a while
有时候就是会这样的
I don't have an orgasm...
我没到高♥潮♥
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
你给我等会
This has happened before?
你以前也有没到的时候
Just a few times.
有几次吧
Why didn't I know? Were you faking it?
为啥我不知情 你装出来的?
Does it matter?
你很介意吗
You're damn right, it matters.
你这不是废话吗
Why'd you stop? Don't you love me anymore?
为啥你现在不装了 你不爱我了
Of course I love you.
我当然爱你啊
If you really loved me, you'd keep faking it.
如果你真爱我 就该一直装下去
Fine, from now on I'll fake it.
好吧 我以后都会装的
Too late. Now I'm on to you.
晚了 我已经识破了
Honey, there's nothing to get so upset about.
亲爱的 你根本没必要郁闷啊
I've just been working really hard, under a lot of stress.
我最近工作很忙 压力也大
Then on top of that, I'm trying to plan our wedding
而且 我还要筹备我们的婚礼
and dealing with my parents, your mother.
同时受我爸我妈还有你♥妈♥的♥折磨
But trust me, as far as I'm concerned,
但是等我处理好这些
you're still the sexiest man on Earth
你还是这个世界上最性感的男人
and I'm the luckiest woman who ever lived.
我就是世界上最幸运的那个女人
Lucky, lucky, lucky.
幸运啊
I thought you were taking
我以为你带女朋友
your girlfriend out for dinner.
出去吃晚饭了
I am. But if I eat first,
但是我要先吃一顿
I won't pig out in the restaurant and make her sick.
那样在餐厅我就不会太饕餮让她恶心了
Good idea. That way you'll have
好主意 那你整个晚上
the whole rest of the night to make her sick.
都有充裕的时间恶心她了
Exactly.
没错
Plus I won't snap at her if she reaches for one of my fries.
而且我也不会为了薯条冲她嚷嚷
All right, Chelsea'll be home in a few minutes.
各位 切尔西马上就回
How are we doing?
准备的如何了
The wine's decanting, pasta's on the stove,
酒已经开瓶 通心粉在炉子里
salad's in the fridge, Marvin Gaye's on the CD player.
沙拉在冰箱里 马文盖伊的CD已经就位
Gay.
真娘啊
And what about this?
这玩意怎么打理
Where's this gonna be tonight?
今天晚上这玩意去哪
It has a date.
这玩意佳人有约了
Oh, eating first.
不错啊知道先吃饱
I taught you well.
我这招你已经会了
Thank you.
谢谢教导
Clean underwear?
内♥裤♥是干净的吗
Cleanish.
还算是吧
Not good enough.
不够好
With underwear, there's no gray area.
内♥裤♥这件事 可没什么灰色地带
Don't worry, it's not gray.
别担心 不是灰色的
Anything but white is unacceptable.
除了白色以外都不行
In that case, I'd better change.
那我最好还是换一条
And take off the bib!
顺便把围嘴摘了
If he can score just once before I die,
他在我死之前能得逞一次
my life will have been worthwhile.
那我也算没白活
Well, then you might want to start eating healthier.
那你从现在就要少油少盐
What's the big occasion tonight?
今晚有什么大计划吗
There's no big occasion.
不是什么大计划
Just trying to keep the fire going with Chelsea.
只是想让切尔西火花四溅
You know what's good for that?
你知道什么最有用吗
Doing it in public.
在公共场合搞
Really?
真的
Yeah, there's nothing like the thrill
当你知道随时会被人撞见
of thinking you might get caught.
你就异常的容易兴奋
I gotta tell ya,
我告诉你吧
you almost walked in on me a couple of times.
好几次你差点撞上我
You're kidding.
真的假的
Just a heads-up, the next time you see
就是提个醒
the Sparkletts' truck parked outside, avoid the garage.
下次看见送水工卡车停在外面 请止步于车♥库♥外
From now on, I'm gonna avoid water.
从现在起 我是不打算再喝水了
Good news, Alan, you're going to the movies tonight.
好消息艾伦 你今晚要去看电影了
Alan?
艾伦
What are you doing?
你干啥呢
Nothing.
啥都没干
What is that?
手里是什么
That's, uh, that's hairspray.
只是发胶而已
Really? Hairspray. Let me see it.
发胶 我不信 给我看看
No. Leave me alone.
不要 你别管我
What's the big deal?
有什么大不了
It's not a big deal. Just go away.
没什么大不了 出去就是了
All right, but I need you out of the house tonight
好吧 但我要你晚上出去
so I can be alone with Chelsea.
让我和切尔西可以独处
Don't worry, I have a date.
不用担心 我有约会
Another Internet hook up?
又是婚介网站?
SuaveSingles.com.
单身贵族.com
First month's free.
首月免费试用
That must be how they keep out the riffraff.
那肯定是他们在筛选用户
Have fun.
玩得开心
Thank you, I will.
谢谢 我会的
Hey! Hey!
嗨 嗨
"Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair.
特瑞船长的发油
Guaranteed to cover bald spots."
保证秃顶变浓密
It's not really a bald spot.
我不是真的秃顶
I'm just getting a little thin on top.
就是上面头发有点稀疏
So you're painting your head?
所以你涂黑头顶?
It's not paint.
不是涂
It's a specially formulated hairlike substance
是一种特殊配方的假发
designed for the active man on the go.
为男士出门前使用而设计的
Oh, you poor, gullible bastard.
可怜虫 这么好糊弄
It gives me confidence.
这给了我信心
Okay, fine.
好 行
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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