好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S07E14

Part 2 Nov. 18, 2020, 5:02 p.m.

Ask him what happened to the lady.
问下他那女士怎么了
She drove the guy I punched
她送那个被我打的男人
to the emergency room.
去急救室了
I don't understand. Why would she go with him
我不明白如果你在维护她的尊严
if you were defending her honor?
为什么她要跟他去
Who knows? I would've asked her,
谁知道我想问她来着
but I was busy being handcuffed and dragged off to jail!
但我忙着被拷上带到监狱
Where I spent the night covering my behind with a food tray.
在那里我用餐盘盖着屁♥股♥过了一夜
Shame on you, Charlie Harper.
你真无♥耻♥ 查理·哈勃
Now she's mad at me.
现在她生我气了
Happy?
高兴了吧
Oh, yeah, m m riried!
对啊
If my transsexual biker cell mate had only been
如果我那变性飞车党囚友再多点感觉
a little more affectionate, my life would now be perfect!
我现在的人生将很完美
I don't know. I just snapped and hit him.
我不知道我就是火大了然后一拳过去
It's the first time in my life that's ever happened.
这是我人生经历的头一回
You mean it's the first time you've ever won.
你意思是这是你头一回打赢
The important thing now is for you to know
现在重要的是让你知道
that your family is a hundred percent behind you.
你的家人完全支持你
Thanks, Mom.
谢谢老妈
Now, before we waste money on some expensive lawyer,
现在在我们浪费高昂的律师费之前
how much jail time are we talking about
先说说如果彻底败诉
if you just roll over?
要判多少天来着?
I don't want to go to jail!
我不想坐牢
And if he does, he certainly doesn't want to roll over.
并且就算他愿意他睡觉时也绝对不会想翻身
Charles, that is crude and uncalled for.
查理这话太残忍♥了
Thank you.
谢谢
You're welcome.
不用客气
Nobody wants to go to jail,
没人想坐牢
sweetie, but let's face it,
甜心但我们要面对现实
if all we're talking about is 60 days alone in a room
如果我们所说的是没有朋友
with no friends, how is that different from two months
单独在一个房♥间60天那跟你在你哥这里
squatting in your brother's house?
呆两个月有什么区别
You're kidding, right?
你在开玩笑对吧
I guess.
我想是吧
You know what? Don't worry yourself.
你知道吗你不用担心自己了
I'll just get a public defender and take care of this myself.
我会找个公设辩护律师自己搞定
There you go, problem solved.
就这样了问题解决
Charlie?
查理
What? Some kid out of law school
什么法学院出来的小子
hungry to make his bones. What's wrong with that?
等着小试牛刀呢那有什么问题
He gets his hair cut by trainees at the barber college.
他的头发就是美发学院的实习生剪的
Alan, I'd be happy to help you hire a lawyer.
艾伦我很乐意为你请个律师
Oh, no, Chelsea, I couldn't take money from you.
哦不切尔西我不能用你的钱
That's an honor he reserves for family.
他维护了家庭的尊严
So, what, you guys really aren't gonna help him?
这么说你们真的不打算帮他？
Well, of course we are.
当然不是
But if we didn't torture him a little bit,
但如果我们不整下他
he wouldn't feel comfortable accepting our help.
他接受我们的帮助也不好受
You don't know that. Try me!
你怎么知道试试看
I'll tell you what. I'll find the lawyer,
我告诉你吧我会找个律师
and we'll sptit thfefe
然后费用我们五五开
Not fifty-fifty, 'cause I'm out six years of room,
那不行因为我负责了
board and incidentals.
六年来的食宿和杂费
And by incidentals, I mean mostly Kleenex and hand lotion.
说到杂费我主要指面巾纸和护手霜
Oh, please, I paid
噢拜托我支付了
for four years of college and chiropractor school,
四年大学和指压按♥摩♥学校的费用
and he still gives me handmade tchotchkes for Christmas.
并且圣诞节时他还是送我手工小玩意
You said you loved the pot holders I made you.
你说你喜欢我做的防热手套
I said they made me cry.
我说的是那让我内牛满面
Okay, okay, okay, fifty-fifty.
好了好了就五五开
But we'll put it on my card so I get the miles.
但得刷我的卡让我拿积分
I can't believe you two.
我不敢相信你们两个
That's oyay,helsea, I'm used to being treated this way.
那没什么切尔西我习惯了被这种方式对待
The mocking, the insults, the humiliation.
嘲笑辱骂羞辱
It's all part of the festering ugliness of this family.
这是所有这个家庭丑恶的部分
See? He's fine with this.
看到没对他来说不算什么
Thanks for coming, you guys.
谢谢你们来
Your support means a lot.
你们的支持很重要
Thank her.
谢她
If it was up to me,
如果是我说了算
you'd be in San Quentin wearing lipstick and a mop wig.
你就在圣昆丁监狱涂口红和戴假发了
Okay, Mom, I gotta go.
好了妈妈我要挂了
No, I love you.
没有我爱你
Okay. What?
好吧什么
No, you're not bothering me.
没有你没有打扰到我
I'm happy to take care of it. Okay.
我很开心去照顾这些好吧
Okay, bye-bye.
好再见
Sorry. I just bought my mom a new computer,
对不起我刚给我妈买♥♥了台电脑
and it's opened up quite a can of worms.
结果引出一大堆麻烦
Ironic. I just bought my mom a can of worms.
讽刺的是我刚给我妈买♥♥了一堆麻烦
Brad Harlow.
布拉德·哈罗
Are you Alan?
你是艾伦
No, no, no, I'm his brother Charlie.
不不不我是他哥哥查理
This is my fiance Chelsea.
这是我未婚妻切尔西
And this pasty-faced jughead is the family Rottweiler.
还有这个傻帽是我们家的瘟神
I just want it on record
我希望这些被记录
that I am not by nature a violent man.
我不是天生的暴♥力♥狂
My fuse is long,
我的导火线很长
but it is attached to dynamite.
只是绑在炸♥药♥上
Shut up.
闭嘴
I'm payin' by the hour.
我付着律师费的
Would you two just stop it.
你们能不能消停一下
I'm sorry.
对不起
That's all right. I have siblings, too.
那没什么我也有兄弟姐妹
We tease each other constantly. You know, sometimes I think
我们经常相互嘲笑有时我想
it's just easier than saying "I love you."
这只是比说'我爱你'容易些
Okay, well, I got some good news for you, Alan.
好吧我有好消息告诉你艾伦
Hey, when's the last time you heard that?
你上次听到这句话是什么时候
I made some calls,
我打了些电♥话♥
and the fella you punched has
那个被你打的家伙
quite few alcohol-related priors,
有不少酗酒前科
and is definitely not looking to press charges.
不用指望正式起诉了
So I don't have to go back to jail?
那么我不用回监狱了
You won't even see the inside of a courtroom.
你甚至不用出庭了
Oh, thank God!
哦谢天谢地
I can't go back to the joint again.
我不能再回去监狱了
All right, great, we're off the clock.
好吧很好我们到此为止
What do I owe you?
我要给你多少
Eh, relax, you don't owe me anything.
不要紧不用给我了
Even better. Thank you.
那更好了谢谢
Charlie. We... we have to pay you for your time.
查理我们得为你花的时间付钱
Oh, you hippie.
你这嬉皮士
Well, you can always make a donation to my charity.
你们可以捐点钱给我的慈善基金会
What's that, Lawyers Without Yachts?
那是什么买♥♥不起游艇的律师
No... No, it's for inner city kids.
不是给贫民区的孩子们办的
They come out to my ranch once a month,
他们每个月都要来我的牧场一次
you know, learn to ride horses, get out in the fresh air.
学习骑马呼吸新鲜空气
Oh, that's wonderful.
真棒
I love horses.
我喜欢马
I used to ride all the time.
曾经整天在马背上度过
Shall I write you a check?
我给你开张支票吧
No, no, no, no, I got it.
不用我来吧
Who do I make it out to?
署名写给谁
Danielle's Darlings.
丹尼尔马场
Who's Danielle?
谁是丹尼尔
My late wife.
我已故的妻子
Oh, I'm so sorry.
真抱歉
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
谢谢谢谢
I started the charity to keep her memory alive.
我创立这个基金来纪念她