好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E16
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:02 p.m.
I'm not gonna hurt him.
我不会伤害他
Oh, really? So you like him just the way he is?
是吗 那么你喜欢他现在这样吗
You don't want to change him at all?
你一点都不想改变他?
Uncle Charlie...
查理叔叔
I got your back here, buddy.
我罩着你呢 小子
'Cause let me tell you something.
我来告诉你吧
This here is a lump of clay.
他就是个木头人
And you know what it's gonna be five, ten, 20 years from now?
你知道5年 10年20年后会怎样吗
A larger, more bitter lump of clay.
他就是个更大更糟的木头人了
Come on, let's go.
来 走吧
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not done.
喂 喂 喂 我还没说完
So if you're gonna dump him, dump him now.
所以如果你想甩他 现在就甩
Don't wait till he falls in love with you
不要等到他爱上你
and asks you to marry him and have his children!
和你结婚生子之后
Okay, enjoy yourselves!
好吧 玩得开心
Are you out of your mind?
你脑子是不是进水了
I mean well.
我是好心
You think maybe it's time to go back to your shrink?
你不觉得该去看看心理医生了吗
Why? She's just another woman that wants to change me.
为什么 她只是另一个想改变我的女人
Well, you have to do something.
行 你必须做点什么
No, no.
不 不
If I can't have Chelsea,
如果没有切尔西
I don't want to live.
我不想活了
W- Where you going?
你去哪
Strip club.
脱衣舞酒吧
Ah, yes.
行啊
Death by lap dance.
牡丹花下死
Hey, Lord.
主
It's Charlie.
我是查理
I know it seems like I only call on you when my ass is on fire,
我知道这像是临急抱佛脚
but, well, let's face it,
但 没办法
that's how you made me.
你就是这样造就我的
Anyway, I'm just hurting real bad since Chelsea left,
总之 自从切尔西走了我真的很伤心
I was kinda of hoping that maybe you could
我有点希望你能
take away some of that pain.
帮我减轻一些痛苦
Even with the help of your blessed wine,
即使是您赐予的神圣的酒
I can't get through the day.
也无法让我度日
Even your blessed vodka's stopped working.
连您赐予的神圣的伏特加也失去作用
So, anything you can do would be much appreciated.
所以 您随便做点什么我都很感激
You got a light?
有火吗
I like a little buzz before I pray.
我喜欢祷告前爽一把
Gets me closer to God.
让我跟上帝更接近
(whispers): Thanks.
谢谢
Come on, Charlie, answer the phone.
拜托 查理 接电♥话♥
Ugh, damn it.
哎 见鬼
Voice mail.
语♥音♥信箱
Uh, Charlie, it's me again.
查理 又是我
It has been three days.
都三天了
Please call and let us know you're okay.
求你回个电♥话♥报个平安
I think we should call the police.
我认为我们应该报♥警♥
Nah, he'll turn up.
不用 他会回来的
May be broke and riddled with gonorrhea,
也许身无分文或满身淋病
but he'll find his way home.
但他会找到回家的路
No, I-I don't think this is a typical bender.
不 我不认为这是一次普通寻欢之旅
He really cared for Chelsea.
他真的在乎切尔西
You know, he put her in his will.
你们知道吗 他为她写了遗嘱
Anything happens to him, she gets everything.
他有什么三长两短 什么都归她了
Really?
真的吗
So, like if he swam out in the ocean and drowned, for instance,
那么 比如他跳海而死
she gets the house?
她得到这房♥子?
The house, the Mercedes,
豪♥宅♥ 大奔
the bank accounts, music royalties.
银行账户 音乐版权
Man, I just can't catch a break.
该死 我就是抓不住机会
Hey, look what someone threw away.
嗨 看看人家丢了什么
Uh, put that back outside.
把那放到后面去
And wash your hands.
再洗下手
Welcome to your new home, baby.
欢迎来到你的新居 宝贝
Hey, everybody.
大家好
I want you to meet the love of my life,
我想你们见下我一生的最爱
Mrs. Charlie Harper.
查理·哈勃太太
Better put me down. I'm not wearing panties.
最好把我放下 我没穿内♥裤♥
I told you he'd come home with gonorrhea.
我说了他会带着淋病回来吧
All right, who's who?
好吧 介绍一下
Well, this is my brother Alan.
这是我弟弟 艾伦
Alan, Betsy.
艾伦 贝茨
Hello, brother.
你好 弟弟
Call me Alan.
叫我艾伦
Okay.
好的
He doesn't look like such a mooch.
他看起来不是很像小气鬼
Okay, well, this is my mom Evelyn,
好吧 这是我妈伊芙琳
and she doesn't look like such an Antichrist.
并且她看起来不像反基♥督♥者
Hi, Mom.
妈 你好
Call me Mrs. Harper.
叫我哈勃夫人
This is my housekeeper Berta.
这是我管家波塔
Don't call me at all.
压根不用叫我了
And lastly, this is Jake.
最后这是杰克
Oh, are you my son?!
噢 你是我儿子?
I'll be whatever you want me to be.
你想叫我啥都行
Um, actually, he's my son.
实际上 他是我儿子
Butt out, Dad.
老爸 闭嘴
Well, you've met everybody.
好了 你见过大家了
Why don't we go upstairs and continue the honeymoon.
我们为什么不上楼去继续蜜月
We have an upstairs?
我们这有二楼?
Yep.
对
Are there people up here, too?
上面也有人吗
I like her.
我喜欢她
Hey, Dad. Mm-hmm?
嗨 老爸
Do I call Uncle Charlie's new wife Betsy or Aunt Betsy?
我管查理叔叔的新老婆叫贝茨还是贝茨阿姨
I guess either one's okay.
我觉得哪个都行
I'm gonna go with Aunt Betsy.
我准备叫贝茨阿姨
Fine.
行
Aunt Betsy made a lot of noise last night.
贝茨阿姨昨晚嚷嚷了很久
Uh, yeah, yeah, she did.
对 是的
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.
别误会 我不是抱怨
Good morning, family.
大家早上好
Morning.
早安
How we doing today?
今天过得怎么样
Good. Good.
不错 不错
Will Aunt Betsy be joining us
贝茨阿姨是下楼一起吃早餐
or is she taking a hot, soapy shower?
还是她现在在洗一个火♥辣♥的泡泡浴呢
She'll be right down.
她马上就下来了
So, based on this latest turn of events,
那根据事态的最新进展
would it be fair to say you're over Chelsea?
切尔西已经成为过去式了吗
Oh, absolutely.
那当然
Betsy and I are soul mates.
我和贝茨可是灵魂伴侣
Soul mates.
灵魂伴侣
So, where'd you meet your soul mate?
那你跟你的灵魂伴侣是在哪里相遇的
Guess.
猜猜
Strip club?
脱衣舞俱乐部?
Wrong.
错
Massage parlor?
按♥摩♥院?
Wrong.
错
Okay, I give up.
算了 我放弃了
Betsy and I met in church.
我和贝茨是在教堂相遇的
So what, she's a nun?
那又如何 难道她是位修女吗
No, she's a stripper and part-time masseuse.
错 她是位脱衣舞♥女♥和兼♥职♥按♥摩♥师
See, I drove to the strip club, but the parking lot was full
我开车去脱衣舞俱乐部 但是停车场没空位了
so I circled the block looking for a spot
于是我街上绕来绕去找停车位
and found one right in front of this little church.
然后发现在那间小教堂前整好有一个
And for some reason- I don't know why-
出于某种原因 我也不知道是为什么
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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