好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S05E01
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 2:05 p.m.
Hey Berta,how do you washing my underwear?
嘿 贝塔 你是怎么洗我短裤的?
Like I do everything else around here-- with a song on my lips and love in my heart.
就像我做每件事一样 嘴上哼着小曲儿 心中充满爱
I'm serious.
我是说真的
I got a rash in my, you know, private area.
我出疹子了 私密部位
Private?
私密?
You get any more traffic down there, you're gonna have to open a starbucks.
那边交通再繁忙下去 你就得开家星巴克了
Well, I thought maybe you'd changed laundry soap,
我在想 你是不是换了洗衣皂
'cause it's all red and itchy especially right around my...
那儿通红通红 还痒的要命 尤其是...
excuse me.
拜托
I'm sitting here eating a breakfast sausage.
我正吃早餐的香肠呢
It's not a sausage problem.
又不是香肠的问题
It's more in the meatball area.
更准确的说 是肉球的区域
Kind of meatball adjacent.
紧邻肉球的地方
Bet it's swamp ass.
肯定是汗屁♥股♥
What's swamp ass?
啥叫汗屁♥股♥?
Don't worry.You'd know if you had swamp ass.
别担心 得了汗屁♥股♥ 你就明白了
I hate swamp ass.
最讨厌汗屁♥股♥了
You sure it's just a rash?
你确定 只是出疹子?
What else could it be?
还会是什么?
Well, since we're talking about your private area,
既然说的是你的私密部位
it could anything from ebola to mad cow disease.
那就啥都可能 埃博拉病毒啊 疯牛病啊
You get ebola from monkeys, right?
猴子能传染埃博拉病毒 对吧?
Right.
对
It's just a rash.
只不过是疹子罢了
A kid at school got swamp ass.Cats followed him around for a year.
学校里有个孩子得了汗屁♥股♥ 猫在他身后跟了一年
You know what?Let's just forget about it.
得了 还是忘了吧
Oh, if only we could.
喔 那也得忘的掉
Speaking of school, we've got a big day ahead of us.
说起学校 咱们马上要迎来大日子了
We've got to go shopping for supplies, clothes.
得去买♥♥日用品 衣服
Nice segue, dad.
话题转移的不错 老爸
Well, the subject was crying out for change.
话题巴不得想转移呢
Anyway, you're starting a new school.
不管怎么说 你要去新学校了
You're gonna need new stuff.
需要新东西嘛
Wait a sec.Melonhead made it into junior high?
等等 西瓜头升上初中了?
Yes.
对
So you passed summer school?
暑期学校考试合格了?
Sort of.
差不多吧
What do you mean, "sort of"?
什么叫"差不多"?
They said it was in everyone's best interest if I moved on.
他们说 要是我继续读初中 对大家都有好处
What's that supposed to mean?
那算什么意思?
It means they promoted him.
他们提拔他呀
He's starting junior high, and there's absolutely nothing to be gained in asking how or why.
他就要上初中了 问啥都没有意义
Okay, well, whatever.I'm proud of you, man.
行 管它呢 真为你骄傲 小子
For what?
骄傲啥?
I don't know.Hanging in there until they were sick of you.
我也不知道 一直撑到大伙儿都讨厌你
Thanks.
谢了
So...junior high, huh?
嗯... 初中 哈?
Boy, that brings back some memories, doesn't it, alan?
倒是有很多美好回忆啊 对吧 艾伦?
Can we please not go down that road?
拜托能别往下说了吗?
What happened?
到底是什么事儿?
It's just that...
只不过是...
kids in junior high can be a little judgmental.
中学里的孩子喜欢批评人
Especially if you're knocked up.
尤其是被搞大肚子以后
Thank you, berta.
谢谢噢 贝塔
Of course, on the up side,
当然了 从好的方面来看
pregnant chicks didn't have to go to gym.
大肚子的妞儿 就用不着上体育课了
Did the guys who got 'em pregnant got any considerations?
就不体谅体谅 搞大她们肚子的家伙?
No, not even a hall pass.
不行 想也别想
Are we quite done?
咱们到底说完没有?
You'll see.Things will go great for you.You just have to remember a few things.
你会明白的 事情会一切顺利 只需要记住几件事儿
Like what?
比如?
Well...
嗯
always keep your lunch money in your shoe but have some spare change in your pocket.
把午餐钱藏在鞋子里 但口袋里也得放几个子儿
How come? Decoy money.
此话怎讲? 当作诱饵嘛
They won't stop hitting you till they get something.
他们不拿到点什么 是不会罢休的
Who are "they"?
"他们"是谁?
The big kids holding you by your ankles and plunging your head in the toilet.
那些大孩子 会拎着你脚踝 把你的头摁到厕所里
Plungingy head in the toilet?
把我的头摁到厕所里?
Don't, don't, don't, don't freak the kid out, alan.
别 别 别吓坏孩子了 艾伦
It's not so much plunging as dipping.
不算是摁 也就是浸一下
Here's what you do.
你得这么办
Make friends with the janitor.
跟看门人搞好关系
They usually have their own bathroom.
他们都有单独卫生间
Okay.
好吧
Just never drink out of his thermos.
就是千万别喝他水壶里的东西
All right.
明白
And don't believe him if he tells you he loves you.
要是他说他爱你 千万别信
Damn it, I miss that one-eyed son of a bitch.
该死 真怀念那个独眼儿杂种
Oh, oh, and if you have to shower after gym class,
对了 要是上完体育课要洗澡
remember, there is no shame in keeping your jockey shorts on.
记住 穿着短裤洗 也不是那么丢人
Really?
真的?
Okay, there's a little shame.
好吧 是有点丢人
But the important thing is the fellows won't be calling you "shrinky dink.
不过关键是 大伙儿就不会叫你"缩小的鸡鸡"了
" Shrinky dink?
"缩小的鸡鸡"?
I'm a grower, not a shower.
不鸣则矣 一鸣惊人
Oh, I almost forgot.
噢 我差点忘了
I got you a little present.
我给你买♥♥了个小礼物
Your very own cell phone.
你的私人手♥机♥哦
Oh, cool.
好棒
The important thing to remember is this is not a toy.
重要的是要记住 这不是玩具
It's to use in emergencies only.
只能在紧急情况下使用
Emergencies?What emergencies?
紧急情况 什么紧急情况?
Dad, come get me!
爸爸 快来救我!
I'm stuffed in my locker and my underwear is wet!
我被关在我的储物柜里了 内♥裤♥也湿了!
That only happened once.
那种情况就发生过一次
If that drug-sniffing dog hadn't found you, you'd have missed thanksgiving.
如果不是那些缉毒犬找到了你 你就把感恩节错过了
Drug-sniffing dog?
缉毒犬?
There were no, there were no drugs.
没有 没有毒品
That's true.Turns out those dogs are also sensitive to urine.
没错 是因为那些狗对尿味也很敏感
I was in there for five hours.
我在那里呆了五个小时
Five hours?
五个小时?
But you don't have to worry about that.
但你不需要担心这个
You have a cell phone.
你有手♥机♥
Which you should hide where prisoners of war hid their watches.
你应该把手♥机♥藏在 战俘藏手表的地方
Where was that? Moving on.
在哪里? 还没说完
I've pre-programmed the phone.
我已经设置好了
Speed dial one is me, speed dial two is the nurse's office,
快速拨号♥1是我 2是医务室
and speed dial three is the police.
3则是警♥察♥
The police?What for?
警♥察♥? 要来干嘛?
You'll know it when it happens.
到时你就知道了
Now, about race riots.
关于种族骚动
Try not to taksie des.
要保持中立
If anybody asks, you're mulatto.
要是有人问起 你就说自己是黑白混血
two.and.a.half.men. Season5 Episode01
好汉两个半:第5季第1集
how do they feel?
感觉如何?
Okay, but they're ugly.They look likeold people shoes.
还行 但好丑 像老人鞋
They're not old people shoes.They're walking shoes.
这不是老人鞋 是步行鞋
Right, for peoplewho've been walking over 85 years.
没错 对于一个步行85年的人来说 的确如此
I'd rather get these.These are cool.
我想要这对 这对酷
Listen, jake,junior high is not about being cool or popular.
听着杰克 高中生买♥♥鞋不讲究酷和流行
It's about not getting mugged for your sneakers.
而是讲究会否因其而被敲诈
I can get mugged for my sneakers?
我会因穿着的鞋而被敲诈?
Not those sneakers.
这对就不会
No, not unless you go walking by an assisted living facility in a rough neighborhood.
要是你再拄根拐杖走在贫民窟 就不一定了
What are you doing?
你干什么?
Sorry, this rash is driving me crazy.
对不起 这皮疹痒死了
I feel stupid in these.
穿这对很傻
Better to feel stupid than to betied to flagpole barefoot
当高年级孩子把你光脚丫绑在旗杆 上吐口水时
while upperclassmen use you as a spittoon.
你会觉得更傻
I don't want to be tied to a flagpole.
我不要被绑在旗杆上
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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