好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E01
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:09 a.m.
Look at him. He can type 80 words a minute with his thumb,
瞧他 他能用大拇指一分钟打80字
but he can't pee without hitting the shower curtain.
撒个尿却总要溅到浴帘上
Fortunately, typing is a job skill and peeing is not.
好在打字是门职业技能 而撒尿不是
Oh, dude, WTF?
伙计 搞什么鬼?
Oh, geez. What?
老天 怎么了?
That woman over there. We used to go out.
那边那女的 我们约会过
Did it not end well?
但没善始善终?
It went fine for me.
对我来说挺好
Although, in retrospect,
但回想起来
I guess I could have handled our parting with a little more tact and sensitivity and a little less,
我们分手那会儿 我该再机智敏感些
you know, banging her best friend.
少跟她闺蜜上♥床♥
Oh, God!
老天!
Hey, hey, her friend was a double-jointed sex freak with daddy issues--
她朋友是个双关节的性变♥态♥ 还有恋父情结...
what was I supposed to do?
我还能怎么办?
You're right. Your hands were tied.
说的对 你的手太累了
That, too.
那也是个原因
So, how long ago was this?
这是多久以前的事了?
Her or the friend? 'Cause there was a brief overlap.
跟她还是她朋友? 因为时间上有点重叠
Let's go with her.
就说她吧
I don't know. Eight, nine years.
我记不太清了 八♥九♥年吧
So maybe she's over it.
或许她已经忘了这回事
Or maybe not.
或许还没有
2.5 Men Season06 Episode01
好汉两个半:第六季第1集
t, here's the plan.
我的计划是这样的
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
我躲到卫生间去
You count to ten, then scream like a girl
你数到十 然后像小妞那样尖叫
and start giving Jake the Heimlich maneuver.
接着对杰克使用海姆利克氏操作法 (使堵住喉咙的异物吐出的急救措施)
Don't be ridiculous.
别胡扯了
Charlie?
查理?
Okay, but if she reaches into her purse, I'm using numbnuts as a human shield.
但如果她把手伸进包里 我就拿这个小呆瓜当挡箭牌
Hey, Chrissy. Long time.
嗨 克丽茜 好久不见
I know.
我知道
Yep, long, long time.
好久 好久了
Yeah.
对啊
Time is a great healer, isn't it?
时间是最好的疗伤药 对吧?
Of some things.
对某些事来说是
Hey, congratulations on your new career.
你有了新的事业 恭喜你
Thank you.
谢谢
It's hard to believe Charlie Harper is a children's singing star.
查理 哈珀是个儿歌♥明星 真难以置信
Well, you know how much I love kid...
你知道我有多喜欢孩子...
Yep, a long, long time.
对 好久 好久之前
Looks like your little guy enjoys music.
看起来你的小家伙很喜欢听音乐
Oh, yeah, he loves it.
对 他热爱音乐
He's actually quite the piano player, too.
实际上他钢琴弹得也不错
Piano? You hear that, Charlie?
钢琴? 听见了没 查理?
The young man plays piano just like you.
这小伙子跟你一样会弹钢琴
Lots of kids play piano.
弹钢琴的小孩多得是
So, you still living in Westwood?
你还住在韦斯特伍德?
Yeah. Still there.
对 还在那儿
We just drove down to spend the day at the beach.
我们刚开车过来 准备去海边玩
Oh, sure. The beach.
是啊 沙滩
Nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.
观光的好地方 但你不会想住在那儿
Actually, I do live there; it's not that bad.
实际上我就住那儿 也不是那么糟糕
Right. Well, we should get going. It was nice seeing you.
对 我们该走了 很高兴见到你
Nice to see you, too.
我也很高兴见到你
Come on, Chuck.
走吧 查克
Chuck.
查克
I heard it.
我听见了
Lots of kids named Chuck.
叫查克的小孩多得是
It's a nickname for Charles, isn't it?
那是查理的昵称 对吧?
So are Chaz, Chad, Chick and Charlie. What's your point?
查兹查得查咳 查理 这些都是 你想说什么?
No point.It's just that you haven't seen that woman in nine years,
没什么 只是你跟那个女人九年没联♥系♥了
and little Chuck is, uh...
而小查克...
Well, how old do you suppose little Chuck is?
你猜小查克几岁?
What difference does it make?
这有什么区别?
Well, I'd say little Chuck is, uh...
我猜小查克大概...
seven or eight years old, give or take nine months.
七八岁 误差不会超过九个月
What are you implying?
你在暗示什么?
'Cause I don't know what you're talking about.
我不明白你什么意思
You don't?
你不知道?
Okay, I choose not to.
我不想明白
JAKE: Oh, crap! Dad, quick, we gotta go home!
该死! 老爸 快点儿 我们得回家去!
Why, what's wrong?
为啥 怎么了?
My battery died.
我电池没电了
Oh, no, wait. I just turned it off by accident.
等等 我只是不小心关机了
This wouldn't happen if I had a smartphone.
如果我有个智能手♥机♥就不会这样了
Do I even need to say it?
还用我说出来么?
So is it just me or did that kid kind of look like Uncle Charlie?
只是我的感觉 还是那小孩 长的真有点儿像查理叔叔?
* And the cat's in the cradle *
*摇篮里的猫儿 * (关于父子关系的歌♥)
** And the silver spoon *
* 和银勺子
* Little boy blue and the man on the moon *
* 忧伤的小男孩和...
Shut up, Alan.
闭嘴 艾伦
* When you coming home, Dad? I don't know when...*
* 当你回家的时候...
It's not funny.
一点儿都不好笑
Well, maybe not funny ha-ha, but certainly funny hee-hee.
或许不能让人哈哈大笑 但肯定可以嘻嘻偷笑了
That boy was nothing like me.
那孩子一点儿都不像我
Well, he didn't have ear hair and whiskey breath,
他还没有耳毛和威士忌的口气
but I'm guessing he'll grow into that.
但我想他会朝那个方向成长的
What's going on?
怎么了?
Well, it would appear that the ol' spermonator here...
貌似这个老精♥子♥机
has fathered a child.
造出了个孩子
I did not.
我没有
How can you be so sure?
你怎么敢肯定?
'Cause I never play in the rain without a slicker and galoshes.
我从不会不♥穿♥雨衣雨鞋就在雨里玩
I'm confused. Where do the galoshes go?
我有点糊涂了 雨鞋是怎么回事?
It's just a figure of speech.
那只是打个比方
Everything that needs to be covered is covered when, you know, covering is appropriate.
该做预防措施的时候 我都做到位了
I didn't ask for your life story.
我没问你的人生故事
I was just confused about the galoshes.
我只是不明白雨鞋的事
You know, Charlie, even condoms are only 98% effective.
查理 避孕套的成功率只有98%
That's not true.
才不是
The hell it isn't.
不是才怪
Haven't you ever read the package?
你从来不看包装盒么?
Who reads the package?
谁会看包装盒啊?
It's not like a cereal box.
又不是麦片盒
You don't read it while you're eating.
你不会边吃边看
Yikes.
恶心
Come on, Charlie, do the math.
拜托 查理 算算吧
You haven't seen the woman in nine years and she's got an eight-year-old.
你跟那个女人九年没见 她有个八岁大的儿子
So what?
那又怎么样?
You showed up at my door with a ten-year-old and I hadn't seen you in 11 years.
你带个十岁的儿子出现在我门前 而我十一年没见你了
Does that mean taterhead is our love child?
是不是就说明那个 土豆脑袋是我俩的私生子?
All right, fine, stay in denial.
好吧 你就别承认
There's no way little Chuck is your son.
小查克不可能是你儿子
Chuck?
查克?
Hey, hey, lots of kids are named Chuck, play the piano and look disturbingly like me.
叫查克 会弹钢琴 莫名其妙长得像我的小孩多得是
He's right.
他说得对
In fact, I'm surprised we're not up to our asses in 'em.
实际上 我们没意识到这个问题才奇怪
Hey, Russell?
嗨 拉塞尔?
I'm busy.
我忙着呢
I've got a question about these condoms.
我想问个关于这些套套的问题
I told you, Charlie, I'm giving you the best bulk rate I can.
跟你说过了 查理 我已经给你最优♥惠♥的批发价了
I know, but that's not what I was...
我知道 但我想问的是...
There's just no way I can compete with the big chain stores.
价钱上我竞争不过大型连锁店
I understand.
我理解
So I make it up in personal service.
因此我用个人服务来弥补
I'm sure you do.
我相信你做到了
I mean, I'm not going to unroll the damn things and put 'em on for you,
我不可能把那玩意包装打开 亲自替你戴上
but short of that,I've got your back.
但除了这一点 其他就交给我吧
And I appreciate it.
不胜感激
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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