好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E01
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 4:57 p.m.
Is there any... you know... sparks?
你俩有火花吗
No, no sparks.
没有啊
Why would there be sparks?
怎么会有火花呢
I'm with you. We're engaged.
我跟你在一起啊 我们都订婚了
We're gonna be married.
快要结婚了
You and me, that's the sparks...
你跟我 那才擦出火花
Baby.
亲爱的
Relax, Charlie, I trust you.
放松 查理 我信任你
Okay, lady, you're really starting to piss me off.
女士 你真的要让我抓狂了
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
谢谢你这么快就能见我
No problem, Charlie, as long as you're willing
没问题 查理
to payy weekend rates.
只要你肯付周末急诊价
You've got weekend rates?
你要收周末急诊价?
Yep, and you probably don't want to waste time haggling.
是的 你跟我讨价还价的划不来啊
Now, what's the big emergency?
出了什么紧急状况
You might not think of it a big emergency,
你可能不觉得是紧急状况
But trust me, it is.
但是相信我 绝对是
Okay.
好吧
I'm really constipated.
我便秘很厉害
You do realize which end of the body I specialize in?
你知道我专精"上头"而不是"下头"的吧
I know, I know, I'm not here for an enema.
我知道 我不是来通便的
Good, because that couch isn't Scotch guarded.
那就好 那沙发可不是防污渍的
I'm thinking it's psychomatic 'cause I've tried coffee,
我觉得是心理作用 我试了咖啡粗纤维泻药
fiber, laxatives and something my housekeeper said was
还有据我的管家说是栓剂的玩意儿
a suppository, but I now suspect was a practical joke.
但是我怀疑那是在拿我开涮
All right, so psychomatic constipation.
好吧 心理性便秘
Good name for rock band, huh?
当摇滚乐队的名字不错啊
Weekend rates, Charlie.
周末急诊价 查理
Tell me what's going on in your life.
你的生活怎么样
How are things with you and your fiance?
你跟你未婚妻还好吗
Great, great! She lives with me now.
很好啊 她现在跟我住了
We're planning the wedding. Couldn't be better.
我们正在筹划婚礼 好的不能再好了
Good. And how's work?
好的 工作呢
Well, it's been pretty slow,
进展很慢
but thankfully, the house is paid off,
但是幸运的是 房♥子已经付清了
my pension is funded, and I've given up prostitutes.
退休金也有保证 而且我还戒嫖了
So, really, all I need is drinking money,
我也只在酒上花钱了
and what's that, a couple grand a month?
一个月也就几千吧
That sounds about right.
差不多
Hey, do you remember Mia?
你记得米亚吗
Your ex-fiance? The dancer.
你的前未婚妻 那个跳舞的
Wow, you remember.
你居然还记得
I'm not sitting here sketching ponies, Charlie.
我又不是在这里画小马驹的 查理
Anyway, I ran into her.
我偶遇到她了
Really? And how'd that go?
真的啊 结果怎么样
Fine, fine. She looks great,
不错啊 她看起来不错
She's single again, told me she missed me.
她又单身了 告诉我她想念我
I always dig that.
我喜欢那样
Then she asked me if I could help her out
然后跟我说 她希望我能帮她
with this music project, and I said no.
搞她的音乐事业 我没答应
But then Chelsea said
但是切尔西说
if I didn't still have feelings for her, why not do it?
如果我对她没感觉的话 为啥不帮她呢
So I did it.
所以我就答应了
Interesting.
有意思
When did all this happen?
这事什么时候发生的
Three or four days ago.
三四天前吧
And how long have you been constipated?
你便秘多久了
I don't know. Three, four days.
不知道 三四天吧
Hey, you think there's a connection?
你觉得有关系吗
I'm leaning that way.
我正往那个方向引导你呢
Look, Charlie,
听着 查理
you obviously still have feelings for Mia,
明显的你对米亚还有感觉
and yet you're committed to Chelsea.
但是你还是要对切尔西忠诚
It's an emotional conflict,
是感情冲突
and until you resolve that conflict,
直到你解决了这个心理冲突之前
you're going to be physically blocked.
你的生理上肯定会有些阻碍
English, please?
能说通俗点吗
As soon as you pick one, you can go two.
两个女人二选一 你就能上大号♥了
What happens if I can't pick?
如果我选不出来呢
I dont't know. C-section?
不知道 那你等着"剖腹产"吧
Anyway, she said I have to resolve the conflict
她说 我必须要二选一
because my emotions are strongly connected
因为我的情感与我的下♥体♥
to my lower testine.
息息相关
That makes a certain amount of sense.
这还是有点道理的啊
You think with your penis, and your head's up your ass.
你既然习惯用JB思考 脑子当然得装在你屁♥股♥里咯
The baby just kicked!
宝宝踢我了
Baby?
宝宝?
Well, it's not technically a baby,
其实也不能算是个宝宝吧
but we know it's gonna look like you.
但是我们都知道 拉出来的东西会很像你
Hey, Charlie
查理
What's she still doing here?
她怎么还在这
Not still. She went away, she came back.
不是还在 她走了又回来了
She's not moving in, Alan.
她不能搬进来的 艾伦
Of course not. u said no, it's no.
当然了 你说不搬就不搬
We're out of milk,
我们没牛奶了
I'm gonna run to the market.
我去趟超♥市♥
Okay.
好的
She likes milk.
她喜欢喝牛奶
So how are you gonna resolve your conflict?
你打算怎么解决你们的矛盾
I'm not sure.
还不确定
I may have to sleep with Mia.
大概得跟米亚上♥床♥吧
What?!
什么
Okay, here's the deal.
这样说吧
If I back out of the recording ssion with Mia,
如果我和米亚一起从录音棚回来
Chelsea will think I still have feelings for her.
切尔西会觉得我对米亚还有感觉
All right.
对
However, if spend
然而 如果花费
Any more time with Mia without sleeping with her,
更多的时间跟米娅在一起却不跟她上♥床♥
I'm gonna split open like a roasted pistachio.
我就会被劈开像个被烤过的开心果
Nobody wants that!
没人要这样
Charlie, cheating on Chelsea makes
查理 背着切尔西偷食
Absolutely no sense whatsoever.
是丝毫没有道理的
That's what I thought,
这就是我所想的
But my shrink was petty adamant.
但我的心理医生很固执
Just promise if anything happens to me,
答应我 如果我万一有什么不测的话
You'll raise it as your own.
你会把它视为己出
I know, I know it's hard to believe
我知道 我知道你很难相信
I'm not banging her.
我没打算跟她上♥床♥
Then why are we here?
那咱们为啥在这儿
She's an old friend. I'm helping her out.
她是一个老朋友 我是在帮她的忙
You really want to help her out?
你真打算帮她吗
Sneak up behind her with a big rock.
溜到她背后用块石头结果了她
Detox?
在戒毒?
No, constipated.
没 便秘罢了
'Cause you're detoxing?
是戒毒引起的吧
Can we just do this?
咱先忙这事行吧
Fine.
好的
That one felt really good.
唱着感觉真不错
Okay, help me understand something.
帮我理下思路吧
You're hoping to bang her,right?
你是希望能上她 对吧
Can I hear a little?
我能听下吗
Sure. Play it back.
当然 回放吧
That's me?
这是我的声音
That's you.
这就是你的声音
Wow. I had no idea I was so good.
我竟然不知道我唱得这么好
Oh, Charlie, I'm so happy!
查理 我太开心啦
Oh, well, if you're happy, I'm happy.
你开心就是我开心
Why did I ever let you
我怎么会舍得让你走的呢
If I recall, you had a list of reasons.
我回忆了下 你列过一张单子
Well, I was wrong.
我犯傻了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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