好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E09
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:01 p.m.
Orgasms is one of the few things
高♥潮♥是这段感情中
I bring to the table in this relationship.
少数我拿手的东西之一啊
Well, I can't argue with you there.
这我没法跟你争
But maybe this is the perfect opportunity
或许这是你做个好男友的
for you to become a better boyfriend,
绝佳机会
a more compassionate, caring individual.
更有同情心 关心人
Or you could buy her one of them vibrating eggs.
或者给她买♥♥个自♥慰♥跳蛋
They're awesome.
效果很不错
I heard.
我听说的
I got to go.
我得走了
Man, I hope I can hold on to this buzz
老天 希望送水的家伙来之前
until the Sparkletts' guy gets here.
我还能保持这么性奋
Alan, you in here?
艾伦 你在吗
Bathroom.
在浴室
Getting ready for a date.
准备去约会
Another Suave Single?
又是单身贵族的?
No, my free trial expired.
不是 免费期过了
Now I'm on J-Date.
我现在去犹太式约会
Alan, we're not Jewish.
艾伦 我们不是犹太人
Who cares? You should see these girls--
管他呢 你应该看看这些女的
very hotsy-totsy.
太火♥辣♥了
And the best part is, till my hair pills kick in,
最好的地方是 生发药起效前
two birds with one stone.
我能一石二鸟
So, how can I help you?
找我有什么事
Well... believe it or not,
信不信由你
I wanted to ask your advice about women.
我想问问女人方面的建议
Me? I'm flattered.
问我? 受宠若惊啊
What do you want to know?
你想问些啥
Sit, boychick.
坐 小盆友
Okay, I'm having a little problem,
我遇到点问题
you know, satisfying Chelsea in the bedroom.
在房♥事方面满足切尔西
So I thought to myself, who knows more
我想 有谁比我弟弟艾伦
about not satisfying a woman than my brother Alan?
更了解怎样才能不满足女人呢
That's a very unfair characterization...
这种描述非常不公平
but not entirely inaccurate.
不过也并非全错
Go on.
继续说
My question is...
我的问题是
how do you live with yourself?
你怎么生活的
How do you wake up in the morning
早上醒来怎么不会
and not drag a straight razor across your throat?
拿把剃刀割喉自杀
Well, that's not an easy question to answer.
这个问题可不容易回答
Uh, first of all, I don't own a straight razor.
首先 我没有剃刀
This is what happened with you and Judith, right?
你和朱蒂丝就是这样 对吧
Actually, Judith was always highly orgasmic.
其实 朱蒂丝一直能到性高♥潮♥
Really?
真的?
Not with me, of course.
当然不是和我
But as long as I didn't let the battery drawer get empty,
只要我不让放电池的抽屉空着
she was one happy shiksa.
她就个开心的异教女
So, how did you deal with that?
那你怎么面对这个
Didn't it make you feel like less of a man?
你不觉得自己不够男人吗
Okay, I understand.
我明白了
Your problem is, your male ego
你的问题是
is tied to your partner's sexual pleasure.
你的男性自尊取决于伴侣的性快♥感♥
Your self-esteem is almost entirely based
你的自尊心几乎完全基于
on whether or not she achieves some level
她是否能达到生理满足的
of physical satisfaction. Uhhuh.
某个水平 没错
You got to get past that.
你必须忘掉这个
What, you're saying I shouldn't care?
你是说我不该在意?
Charlie... our people have spent thousands of years
查理 先人背负了几千年
carrying the burden of guilt.
罪责的负担
I say enough!
我觉得已经够了
It's time to break the shackles.
是时候挣脱这个枷锁
Okay, okay, first of all, I'm pretty sure
首先 我很确定先人是指
that our people are Scotch-Irish.
有苏格兰与爱尔兰血统的人
Perhaps. But the Talmud teaches us
可能吧 塔木德(犹太法典)教导我们
that the true worth of a man is in his good works
男人的真正价值在于他的善举
and devotion to God.
及忠于上帝
The Talmud? Yeah, I Googled it.
塔木德? 谷歌♥搜的
Figured I might need a little Jewish dinner chat.
晚餐时可能会聊到犹太话题
Lucky I did some research--
还好我搜了
I was planning on taking this girl to Red Lobster.
我本打算带她去红色龙虾餐馆来着
Meshuggah,right?
我疯了是吧
Oh! Uh, I got to go.
到点了 我得走了
Oh, uh, listen, Jake's grounded for coming in late last night,
昨晚杰克因为晚归被禁足了
so be a mensch and keep an eye on the little pisher, would you?
好好的盯着这个小滑头 怎样
Oy...
哎哟
Vay.
咋办
This is fun, huh?
蛮有趣的吧
I guess.
大概吧
Gin.
赢了
Damn.
该死
Okay.
好吧
Let's go again.
重玩
You do realize that at a certain point we're going to have to go to bed.
你知道咱俩迟早得到床上去吧
I know. I know. It's not like I'm avoiding it or anything.
我知道 我又没在躲避啥
Really? Because this is the first time
真的吗 这是我所知道的头一遭
since I've known you you've suggested we play a game
你建议玩扑克牌
that doesn't involve money or nudity.
却又不赌钱或脱衣服
We could play for money if you want.
如果你想的话我们可以赌钱啊
What do you say, penny a point?
怎样 赚点小钱嘛
We'll go to bed when someone's up a hundred bucks.
有人赚到了100美元就上♥床♥去
Come on, are we gonna talk
拜托 我们不是要去
about the elephant in the room or not?
房♥里讨论某些复杂事的么
What's there to talk about?
这里谈不也成的么
I can't ring your bell anymore,
反正我再也不能让你爽了
so we'll grow old, I'll die,
就让我们变老 待我死了
and you'll find happiness with a vibrating egg.
你就可以用跳蛋来爽了
Did you ever stop to consider that maybe this isn't about you?
你有没有想过这有可能不是因为你
No, not really.
没想过
Well, it isn't.
不是你
Then what's it about?
那是什么原因
It's personal.
很私密的
What's more personal than bumping pee-pees?
还有什么比骚动的鸡鸡更私密
All right, fine.
好吧 我说
My ex-husband's getting remarried.
我的前夫要再婚了
I'm sorry, are we still having the same conversation?
抱歉 我们说的还是同一件事么
I know it sounds stupid, but ever since I found out,
我知道这很傻 但自从我知道这事后
I somehow felt shut down.
我就不知为何感到不行了
Why?
为什么
I don't know, I guess because
不知道 我猜是因为
he's moving on with his life.
他的生活又继续向前了
Yeah, but you're getting married, too.
但你也快要结婚了啊
Yeah, but I'm getting married because I'm over him.
是的 但我要结婚是因为我忘记他了
He's getting married because he's over me.
他结婚也是因为已经忘记我了
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
等会儿 等会儿
Are you still in love with him?
你还爱着他
Of course not, you idiot-- I'm in love with you.
当然不 你个傻冒 我爱的是你
Well, good, good, because I'm sure feeling loved.
不错 因为我确实有被爱的感觉
I'm sorry.
抱歉
Okay, let me just make sure I'm following this.
让我确定下是不是这么回事
Knowing that this guy is getting married
知道这个家伙要结婚了
has somehow gotten in the way of you having an orgasm.
会阻挡你获得高♥潮♥
Maybe.
也许吧
I think so.
我想是的
Boy, women.
天啊 女人啊
What's that supposed to mean?
你这样说啥意思
Well, nothing, nothing.
没什么没什么
It's just I once had an orgasm with a lawn dart in my foot.
有一次草地飞镖插到我的脚上都到高♥潮♥了
Do you think I'm crazy?
你觉得我疯了么
No, no. No.
当然不
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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