好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E19
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:03 p.m.
They have to be punished.
他们必须受到教训
Don't worry. The alcohol will punish them plenty.
不用担心 酒精会好好教训他们的
Yeah, that's really worked for you.
是 那对你确实有效
Trust me, Alan: inside, I'm suffering.
相信我 艾伦 心里面 我很痛苦
Oh, the agony.
杯具啊
Beer's not so cool now, is it?
啤酒不那么酷了 对吧
Leave me alone.
走开
And you--
还有你
what is your mother going to say?
想想你妈要说些什么
For God's sake, that's wicker!
不会吧 那是柳条筐
How are we all doing in here?
我们都在这干吗
You should have stopped them when you had the chance.
你有机会的时候应该阻止他们的
And miss out on this?
然后错过这一幕?
How's it hanging, Alfalfa?
过得怎么样 刺儿头
And you call yourself a drummer.
还说自己是鼓手
Keith Moon is vomiting in his grave.
凯思·莫恩要气活过来
That's really beautiful, Charlie.
那真的很美 查理
Thanks.
谢谢
I wrote it before I got kicked out of Juilliard.
我被踢出茱莉亚音乐学院之前写的
I got to ask:
我想问
how'd you go from writing something like that
你怎么从写这些作品
to jingles and kid music?
过渡到写广♥告♥歌♥和儿歌♥的?
Well, after I left school,
是这样 我离开学校后
I came back to L.A. hoping to write film sres.
我回到洛杉矶 希望写电影配乐
But I met this advertising guy
但我遇到这个广♥告♥人
who needed a song about toothpaste.
他要关于牙膏的曲子
Before I knew it, I was rhyming
在我知道顺口溜之前 我只是写些押韵
"exhilaration" with "constipation."
就像"惬意"和"便秘"
"Open doors" with "cold sores."
"门不设防"和"口腔溃疡"
And one I am particularly proud of,
还有一个我引以为豪的
"make a switch" with "feminine itch."
"改变思想"和"妇科骚痒"
I hear you.
我听过
When I came out here, I was hoping to be a dancer.
当我来这儿的时候 我也希望成为舞蹈家
Really?
真的吗
Yeah.
是
Then I met pot and doughnuts.
然后我就遇到锅和甜甜圈
Before I knew it, I was scrubbing toilets
在我知道这些之前 我洗厕所
and hosing teenage bf out of wicker baskets.
和冲洗柳条筐里的少年呕吐物
Rhyme that, Beethoven.
押韵来看看 贝多芬
* A tisket, a tasket
*滴滴答答
* I'm barfing in a basket.
*我吐在一个篮子里啦
That's what pays your salary, baby.
就是靠这个给你发工资的啦 宝贝
All ght, this is Eldrie's mom.
好了 这是埃尔德里奇的妈
I'm going to give her a piece of my mind.
我准备给她上一课
Oh, just let it go.
别提这茬
No, no. This is poor parenting on her part,
不 不 这是她身为人母的失误
and she needs to know about it.
而且她需要知道这些
Hi. I'm here to pick up Eldridge.
你好 我来接埃尔德里奇
I hope he wasn't too much trouble.
我希望他没有太麻烦你
touble?
麻烦?
He was an angel. Come on in.
他简直是天使 进来吧
* Superdad.
超级老爸
Thank you so much, Alan.
非常感谢你 艾伦
Well, hey, Eldridge is welcome anytime.
随时欢迎埃尔德里奇再来
We single parents have to stick together.
作为单亲父母我们要相互支持
Yeah. See you, buddy.
是的 再见 伙计
Yeah, bite me.
好 去死吧
I heard that, young man.
我听见了 小伙子
Good for you. Get in the car.
真有你的 上车去
Can I drive? Not with a suspended license, you can't.
可以让我开吗 暂时吊销驾照的人不能开
You suck! And you're ruining my life!
你真烂 而你毁了我一辈子
Okay, bye-bye.
好了 再见
Yes?
怎么了
What happened to giving her a piece of your mind?
跟她这一课上得怎么样
Oh, come on. We both know what happened.
少来了 我们都知道怎么回事
Right.
对
Piece of tail always trumps piece of mind, doesn't it?
下身总是控制思想 对吧
What do you want from me?
你要我怎么样
She's a beautiful woman.
她是位美女
She's been through a tough divorce.
她正经历艰难的离婚
She raising a teenage son by herself.
她在独♥立♥抚养一个青少年
Last thing she needs
估计她也不想
is me dumping more problems in her lap.
让我给她添麻烦
So, what are your plans for her lap?
那你打算怎么做
I don't know. I... I might call her.
不知道 可能打给她吧
We'll see.
看看再说
You're unbelievable.
你真是不可理喻
Your son finally gets a friend,
你儿子总算找到个朋友了
and you're going to try to nail his mother?
而你却想上他妈妈
All right, okay, first of all,
对 好吧 首先
with a classy woman like Lyndsey, there's no nailing.
古典如林赛般的女性 是不会上♥床♥的
There's, uh...there's dating and bonding
只会跟我一见钟情
and-and getting to know one another.
然后推心置腹坦诚相待
And then, you know, eventually consummating the relationship
最终使这段关系尽善尽美
with mutual respect and caring.
相互尊重 相互关怀
Oh, grow up.
成熟点吧
This is a hot divorced mom from the Valley.
她是个从山谷来的热辣单身妈妈
You're going to need three penises
你得有三个鸡♥巴♥
and a set of jumper cables just to get her attention.
并插上电源才能罩得住她
Oh, you're disgusting.
你太恶心了
Hey, I'm not the one trying
我可不是那个想方设法
to bang the drummer's mom slowly.
慢一拍去上那鼓手老妈的家伙
Don't you judge me.
你在批判我么
Why not?
为啥不
You've slept with one of Jake's teachers,
你曾和杰克的一个老师上过床
his den mother, his karate instructor,
还有他的童子军女训导以及空手道老师
his ballet teacher, and his aunt.
还有他的芭蕾舞老师和小姨
Great. So five wrongs make a right.
没错 这叫负负得正
What?
什么
If I jump off a bridge and land on top
如果我从桥上跳下 落在
of some broad Jake knows,
杰克认识的某些女人头上
that makes it okay for you to do it, too?
你也会觉得可以这样做 没错吧
What?
什么
I think I've made my point.
我觉得我已经说得很清楚了
What?
什么
I'm never gonna drink again.
我不想再喝醉了
Quitter.
懦夫
Charlie?
查理
Oh, right.
噢 对
Atta boy.
好小子
Here's your wastebasket.
废纸篓给你
I rinsed it out,
我冲洗过了
but there are still some tiny chunks in the weave.
但还有些小残留在缝中
Maybe you could use your dad's Water pik.
也许你可以试试看你老爸的喷水洁牙器
Give the kid a break, Berta.
波塔 让这娃休息会吧
He's hung over.
他宿醉了
Oh, the poor dear.
可怜的小宝贝
Next time, tell your friends to puke out the window.
下次告诉你朋友朝窗户外吐
Want to know a surefire hangover cure?
想知道宿醉的绝佳解决方案么
Never stop drinking.
不停地喝
Charlie?
查理
Let me finish.
让我说完
Or never start in the first place.
或者一开始就别喝
See how I turned that around?
看到我怎样转变的么
Bring it home, Dr. Cosby.
天才老爹 学一学吧
All right, for starters,
好吧 首先
you and Eldridge stole beer that did not belong to you.
你和埃尔德里奇偷喝了不属于你们的酒
That is not how I raised you.
我不是这样教你的
Now to the issue of underage drinking.
至于未成年饮酒的后果
Not only is it against the law
不仅仅是触犯法律的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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