好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E22
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:04 p.m.
本季完
好汉两个半 第七季第二十二集
Man, I love German cars.
爱死德国车了
Well, if you keep your nose clean and work hard,
只要你抹干净鼻子 努力工作
someday you'll be able to park them for a living.
总有一天你会靠泊好车为生的
Excellent.
帅啊
Why is my ass getting hot?
我屁♥股♥怎么越来越热啊
You turned on the seat warmer.
座椅加热器打开了
Oh, good.
还好
I was afraid I had another case of swamp ass.
我还以为股沟汗又发作了呢
Another case?
又发作?
Yeah, it happens every year around this time.
每年这个时候我都会发病
Only thing that helps it is aloe vera and Vaseline.
只有芦荟汁和凡士林能管点用
I see.
了解
Half a tube of each, right in the crack.
每边屁屁各半支凡士林和芦荟汁
It's like squirting ketchup and mustard into a hot dog bun.
就像番茄酱和芥末喷溅在热狗面包上
Then you, like, mash the sides together.
然后你把他们抹匀
Enough.
说够了吧
Sorry.
俺错了
You hungry?
你饿了没
I'm getting hungry.
反正我是饿了
I may never eat again.
我这辈子都可以不吃了
Yellow light.
黄灯
I'm slowing down.
我减速了
No, no, no, gun it, gun it!
我让你加速 加速
Man, this thing is a rocket ship.
你的车就跟火箭一样
Okay, okay, now you can slow down.
行了 现在可以减速了
Should I run for it?
我要不要跑路
What are you, crazy?
说你傻你就冒鼻涕泡
Pull over.
赶紧给我停车
You told me to run the light.
是你和我说要加速的
My dad's gonna kill me.
这回我爹要宰了我
Calm down; he's not gonna kill you.
别紧张了 他才不会宰了你的
How can I calm down? I just got my license,
我咋能不紧张 我才拿的驾照
and now I'm gonna lose it!
还没热乎就要丢了
All right, all right.
行了 别罗嗦了
Switch places with me.
和我换下位置
What?
为啥
Just do it.
赶紧换
And give me your hat.
把你的帽子给我
You want my lucky hat?
你要我的幸运小帽帽
Yeah. I want to share in your good fortune.
我要用它分点你的好运气
Evening, Officer.
晚上好 警官
Hey. Where have you guys been?
你们一起去哪里了
Van Nuys.
范纳依斯
What were you doing in Van Nuys?
你们去那做什么
That's where the jail is.
那里有监狱
What?
为啥
I got arrested.
我被捕了
You're kidding. What for?
真的啊 因为啥
Apparently, I ran a red light at 6♥4♥ miles an hour.
因为我以6♥4♥英里/小时的速度闯了红灯
And I was in the passenger seat.
我当时在副驾驶座位
Yes, I was driving,
是的 我开的车
therefore you were in the passenger seat.
因为你在副驾驶座位
Anyway, it turns out
总之
I had a couple of unpaid parking tickets.
我还有一大堆的停车罚单没缴
Seventeen.
十七张
Thank you.
我谢你了
They arrested you for unpaid parking tickets?
他们就因为你没缴罚单拘捕你
Well, there was also a bench warrant
我还有一张法♥院♥拘票
when I didn't show up in court.
因为我没有及时出庭
Well, how could you not show up in court?
你为什么没及时出庭
Don't they send you a summons?
他们没给你发传票吗
Lots of them, but I threw them away.
发了好多次 但是被我无视了
I thought they were for jury duty.
我以为让我去做陪审员
Long story short, when I didn't show up,
长话短说 我没出庭
they suspended my license.
他们就暂时吊销了俺的驾照
And I was in the passenger seat.
反正我是在副驾驶位置的
So you were driving with a suspended license?
你就用吊销的驾照开车
Only for a couple of years.
只是开了几年而已
Luckily though, my license was fine,
幸运的是 我的驾照米事
so when they took him to the police station,
他们带他去警局的时候
I followed in the Mercedes.
我开着大奔在后面跟着
By the way,
顺便说下
I reset all your radio stations to good stuff.
我把你的电台重新设置了 以前的太怂了
I'd like to be alone now, Jake.
杰克 我现在想自己待会
Understandable.
理解万岁
You've been through a lot.
你今天也够受了
By the way, if you need anyone to drive you to the movies
你如你需要人带你去看电影
or the mall or a strip club, I'm available.
去超♥市♥ 或者脱衣舞俱乐部 我随时有空
Appreciate it.
万分感谢
And you can just relax in the passenger seat,
你在副驾驶座位可以轻松的待着
like I did earlier today.
就想我今天一样
Get out!
给我浑♥圆♥的离开
Listen, I am sorry that you lost your license,
哥们你驾照挂了真够倒霉的
but I would be remiss if I did not point out
但是我是不得不说你
what a bad example you're setting for Jake.
你这样给杰克树立个反面典型
Not now, Alan.
现在别嘚啵 艾伦
Oh, no, I think now is exactly the right time.
我觉得现在正是说教的时间
That young man looks up to you.
我儿子非常尊重你
And when he sees you blatantly disregard the rules of the road,
当他看见你无视行车规则
he's more likely to do it himself.
是很有可能有样学样的
You're right. You're right.
你说的对 灰常对
I'm sorry.
我错了
Are you really?
你是真心的吗
Or you just saying the words?
别只是做样子
Uh, don't walk away when I am talking to you.
我和你说话的时候不要走开
I'm gonna count to three, Alan.
我就数到3 艾伦
Oh, that's mature. Three.
你真幼稚 三
Ow!
哎呦
Where was one and two?
你没数1和2
Ow! Ow!
哎呦 哎呦
Hey.
嗨
Hey.
嗨
You know I was just trying to show concern for my son.
我只是想多关心下我儿子
I do.
了解
And you know I was just trying to cause
我只是想要对你的胳膊
severe nerve damage to your shoulder.
造成永久性神经损伤
I do.
了解
You know, we should maybe
我觉得
come up with some kind of safe word.
我们要想一些暗号♥
Like "pumpernickel."
比方说"粗麦面包"
Sure, whatever.
是吧 管他呢
You know, until you get your license back,
你知道的 在你拿回驾照之前
you can count on me to drive you wherever you need to go.
你要出行可以叫我开车
Thanks.
谢谢
Of course, during the week, I'm working.
当然了 工作日期间 我要上班
I know.
我知道
And, uh, and Monday nights, I'm at the senior center.
还有 星期一晚 我在老人中心
What the hell are you doing at the senior center?
你去老人中心搞什么鬼
Free pilates class.
免费普拉提课程
They don't even check IDs.
他们甚至不查身份证
Uh, Tuesdays and Thursday nights,
星期二和星期四晚上
they have water aerobics, uh, Wednesday is low-impact hip-hop,
那里有水中有氧运动 星期三是低强度嘻哈
and, uh, Friday is movie night.
还有星期五是电影之夜
This week is Cocoon.
这个星期都蜗在那里了
Again.
又一次
And of course on Saturday, you know, I need to power down,
当然在星期六 你知道的 我要消停一下
and, uh, Saturday night...
然后 星期六晚
maybe a date.
可能约个会
You're calling those magazines dates now?
那些杂♥志♥是你的约会对象?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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