好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S07E20
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:04 p.m.
I don't ask for much.
我要求又不多
Don't ask for much? You're a human tip jar.
要求还不多? 你就是个人形揩油机
I'm begging you.
我求你了
I already took the Cialis.
我已经吃了犀利士了[壮♥阳♥药♥]
Please don't make me stay home with a boner.
你总不能让我"直挺挺"地呆在家里吧
You were going to make me stay home with a boner!
你这是在让我直挺挺呆在家里
Okay, okay, think about this.
好吧好吧 这样如何
If it works out with me and Lyndsey,
如果我和林赛的事儿成了
I might be able to move out of your house and into hers.
我可能会从你那儿搬出来和她住
Don't do that, Alan.
别这样 艾伦
Don't toy with my heart.
不要玩弄我的感情
All right, all right, tell you what.
好吧好吧 那这样
Go tell Jake to pack a bag.
去让杰克收拾行李
I'll drop him off at his mom's.
我把他送到他妈妈那去
Now, you're making sense.
这才像话
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
抱歉啦
This isn't over!
这事儿没完
Sorry!
抱歉
All right, here's the deal.
好了 事情是这样的
I've got someone coming over tonight,
今晚我约了人过来
so I need you to make yourself scarce.
所以我需要你消失一下
Are you back with Chelsea?
你和切尔西复合了吗
No, I'm not back with Chelsea.
不是 我没和切尔西复合
So what's this new girl's name?
那这回这女的叫什么名字
I don't know-- Jasmine, Jade.
不知道 茉莉还是小玉来着
I asked for Asian.
我要的是亚洲人
Who'd you ask?
你找谁要的
Nobody.
没谁
Just get out of here for the night.
总之你今晚别出现就行
But I'm grounded.
但我被禁足了
I don't burden you with my problems.
我可没因为自己的问题拖累过你
Hey, Eldridge. My uncle's horny.
爱尔德里奇吗 我叔叔饥渴了
I'll meet you at the pier.
咱们码头见
This is fun, huh?
这蛮有趣的吧
Sneaking off to a hotel room
偷偷溜到酒店开房♥
like a couple of horny teenagers.
就像一对偷♥情♥的小青年
Of course, I never had enough money
当然了 我年轻的时候
as a teenager to afford a hotel room.
从来不够钱去酒店开房♥
My first time was on a miniature golf course.
我的第一次是在一个微缩高尔夫球场上
Inside the windmill.
在一间磨坊里
No kidding. Did you get a hole in one?
真的吗 那你是不是一杆进洞了
Uh, well actually a hole in two.
事实上 是两杆进洞
I lost the first one taking the putter out of the bag.
我第一杆推球入洞失手了
So, uh, where was your first time?
那 你的第一次是在哪儿
Backstage at a Police concert.
警♥察♥乐队[老牌摇滚乐队]演唱会的后台
Oh, Sting?
跟斯汀吗(林赛以为是问疼吗)
Little bit.
还好
Can we stop at the drug store?
可以在药店门口停一下吗
Oh, uh, don't worry.
不用担心
I brought enough condoms to golf our brains out.
我带的安全套数量足够咱俩爽的了
No, actually, I have to get some tampons.
不是的 其实是我需要买♥♥点卫生棉条
Oh. Oh, you mean for just in case, right?
你是想有备无患是吧
'Fraid not. Sorry.
恐怕不是 抱歉
Oh, no, no. Don't, don't be silly.
没事没事 别傻了
Um, this is more about us
咱们能在一起共度良宵
spending quality time together than anything else.
比其他任何事都重要
Why would you feel that way?
你怎么会这么想呢
Nevertheless, I do have a plan "b."
随便啦 我反正有"口"计划的
Oh, what's that?
怎么计划的
Plan "b," Alan.
艾伦 "口"计划
It goes with my plan "j."
跟"交"计划搭配的
Oh...
这样啊
Yay!
太棒了
So, Charlie,
查理
How can I make you happy?
我怎样才会让你爽
What are my choices?
有选项不
Well, you paid for the full girlfriend experience, so...
你付了全套女友服务的钱 所以...
Anything you want.
任何你想要做的事都成
Anything I want.
任何我想做的
I like that.
我喜欢
Okay...
好吧
Read this magazine...
看杂♥志♥
...whil看e I watch sportscenter.
我就看体育频道
I want the girlfriend experience
我想要女友服务
And that's what my girlfriend used to do.
这就是她常做的事
Okay.
好吧
And every once in a while,
每隔一会儿
Look at me and sigh while rolling your eyes.
你就对我翻翻白眼叹口气
Oh, baby, that's what daddy likes.
宝贝 这就是我想要的
Cramps, huh?
抽筋了对吧
No, I'm having another child.
没 我在生孩子
Uh, you know, not that I'm complaining,
不是在抱怨啥
But don't you gals usually circle
但你们女人一般不是习惯
this time of the month on the old calendar?
在日历上把那几天圈起来吗
It's not an exact science, Alan.
艾伦 这可没那么精确
Aw, for god's sake.
看在上帝的面上
It's like the horse head scene in the Godfather.
就像《教父》里的马头场景一样(血淋淋)
Could be worse.
万幸
Could be the prom scene from Carrie.
还好不是《魔女嘉莉》中的舞会场景(大撒狗血)
That's not funny.
这也不有趣
Sorry. tell you what.
抱歉 说一下
I will, uh, call for some room service.
我去叫下客房♥服务
Any special requests? maybe some champagne?
想来点什么吗 香槟怎样
Sure, whatever.
随便什么啦
Oh, your wish is my command.
随时听候您的吩咐
Uh, hello. hi.
你好
Yeah, this is Dr. Alan Harper.
我是艾伦·哈勃医生
I'm in room 710,
我在710号♥房♥间
And I would like a bottle of your best champagne.
我想来瓶你们这最上品的香槟
Oh, really?
啊 真的么
You don't have anything more expensive?
你们没有更贵的啦
All right, it'll have to do.
好吧 也没别的办法了
Also, I would like some fresh strawberries
然后我想要点新鲜的草莓
And a dozen blue point oysters.
再来点蓝点牡蛎
Well, find some.
去想办法弄
This is a special evening and I will spare no expense.
今晚很特殊 我要不惜一切代价
Thank you.
多谢
Hey, Alan?
艾伦
Yes, my sweet?
在 宝贝 怎么了
Can you hand me my purse?
能把我的包包递过来么
Oh, sure.
当然
Incoming.
来了
Sorry.
抱歉
We're in luck.
我们很好运
We are?
我们?
I've still got a couple of vicodin I stole from my son.
我从我儿子那偷了点磕的药来
You stole drugs from your son?
你从你儿子那里偷嗑药来?
It's only fair. he stole my youth.
很公平 他偷走了我的青春
All righty.
好吧
Room service.
客房♥服务
Oh, that was quick.
这可真快
All right, now, we've circled back around
好了 现在我们回到刚才
To hockey scores, so...
曲棍球的比分了 然后...
Time for sex.
该嘿♥咻♥了
Okay.
好
And what kind of sex does Charlie want?
查理想要何种嘿♥咻♥方式呢
Hard to pick.
好难选哦
It's kind of like baskin-robbins.
就像在冰激凌店挑冰激凌
You know, if they charged $1,000 a scoop.
我是说假使他们一勺卖♥♥一千大洋的话
And sprinkles are way extra.
而且小碎糖要另外付钱
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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