摩登家庭
Modern Family S08E19
Part 4
Nov. 28, 2019, 11:52 a.m.
-就是那 -就是那 乔
- Right there. - Right there, Joe.
拒绝别人有这么个缺点
The thing about saying no --
如果你总是拒绝别人
You say it too much...
就再也没人找你一起做任何事了
people just stop asking.
你偷走了我的梦想
You stole my dream.
你别再这么说了行吗
Okay, would you please stop saying that?
如果不是你用你出众的平庸
If you hadn't distracted those ninnies
影响了那些笨蛋的判断 他们就会让我
with your striking regularness, they would have put me
出演全国电视广♥告♥ 结果我们谁都没份
in a national TV ad campaign instead of neither of us!
你为什么冲我发火
Why are you flipping out?
我根本没和你争啊
I-I am not in competition with you.
所以你觉得我是疯婆子撒泼是吗
Oh, so now you think I'm crazy?
不是的
N-No.
没准我就是疯婆子 但我有很充分的理由
Well, maybe I am crazy, but I have a damn good reason.
把线索联♥系♥起来啊 你个笨蛋
Connect the dots, you dummy.
我穿着这么松垮的衣服 我急需用钱
I'm wearing real loose clothes. I need money real bad.
我的头发像狮鬃一样有光泽
My hair is lustrous like a lion's mane.
你恋爱了吗
Uh, you're in love?
不 正相反 我怀孕了
No, the opposite! I'm pregnant!
好吧 我的天啊
Okay. Oh, God.
家里人不想让我和博复合
The family didn't want me to get back together with Beau
因为他是六分之一外地人还已婚
on account of he's six-parts Chicopee and married,
但我还是和他复合了 现在他进了监狱
but I did it anyway, and now he's in County
因为他照骑警马的脸上打了一拳
for punching a police horse in the face.
如果家里发现了 他们就会知道
And if they find out, then they'll just know
所有人说我是废物真是一点都没错
that everyone was right about me being such a screw-up.
小帕 我一点都不知情
Oh, Pam, I-I had no idea.
你怀孕几个月了
I mean, how many months along are you?
马上就生了
Oh, all of them.
想说就说吧 谴责我吧
Yeah, go ahead. Condemn me.
你那张♥平♥凡的脸上全是评判的表情
I can see the judgment all over that generic face of yours.
这根肩带像钢琴线一样割肉
This strap is cutting into me like a piano wire.
你介不介意去翻翻我的行李
Would you mind going through my luggage
帮我把晚餐后穿的胸罩找出来
and pulling out my after-dinner bra?
如果别无选择的话
If I must.
我回来了
I'm home!
我没选上 多谢关心
I didn't get picked. Thanks for asking.
我倒是有好消息
Well, I have good news.
米奇尔和我是赢得人或动物类最佳装扮
Mitchell and I are early contenders to win the best costume
的早期热门选手
in the human/animal category.
你在做什么
What are you doing?
用食物自我安慰
Self-comforting with food.
那蛋糕我做了一早上
I've been working on that all morning,
是为了晚上的派对准备的
and it is for a party tonight.
你们一群基佬又不会真的吃蛋糕
What are a bunch of gays gonna do with a cake
只会围起来叽叽喳喳夸蛋糕漂亮
but stand around screeching about how pretty it is?
好吧 我受够了
Okay, that's it.
小帕 你太无礼了
Pam, you are rude.
你太不尊重人了
You are disrespectful.
你居然还敢吃第二口
And you are going in for another bite?!
把叉子放下 放下
Put the fork down! Put it down!
是时候
It is high time
你开始也为其他人着想一下了
that you start thinking about somebody other than yourself!
你就是这么看我的是吧
Oh. So that's how you feel?
是的
Yes, it is.
那咱俩今天没完了
Then I guess it is on!
别 不要
Don't. No!
-你跑就对了 -别闹
- You better run! - No!
从我身上下来 我还没准备好
Get off of me! I wasn't ready!
准备好接我这招
Then get ready for this!
快住手
Hey! Cut it out!
疼死了
Hey! That hurts!
很好 表示老娘打对了
Good, then it's working!
别演了 你个戏精 我都没碰到你
Oh, cut it out, you faker. I'm not even touching you.
我猜是这件吧 你这是干嘛
I assume it's this one. Oh, what are you doing?
她怀孕呢
She's pregnant!
什么
What?!
别打了
Hey! Hey! Cut it out!
惨了 我羊水好像破了
Oh, no, I think my water just broke.
流在我身上了吗
Is it on me?!
我现在准备要下崽了
I'm fixing to reproduce right now!
打给811
Call 811.
米奇尔 别 那是牲畜急救电♥话♥
No, Mitchell, that's for livestock.
打911
Call 911.
我知道 我知道好吗
Yeah, I-I know. I know.
姐 你为什么没告诉我
Pamela, why didn't you tell me?
你觉得呢
Well, why do you think?
当然是不想让你失望啊
I didn't want to disappoint you.
你是我最崇拜的.....
You know you're the person I look up to mo-o-o-o-o-st...
-家人了 -是吗
- ...in the family. - I am?
不然我为什么来这里
Why do you think I came here?
我希望生孩子时能在你身...
Oh. I wanted to be near you when the baby po...
我想到如果我先找到份工作
But I thought maybe if I got a job first,
我看起来就不会那么失...败
I wouldn't look like such a pathetic me-e-e-e-ss!
怎么了
What?
我好冷啊 小卡
I'm so cold, Cam!
给 盖上米奇尔的熊戏服
Oh, oh, here, put on Mitchell's bear costume.
来 盖上
Here you go. Come on.
他们大概十分钟后到达
Okay, so they are gonna be here in, uh, 10 minutes.
我撑不到那时候了
I'll never make it!
孩子要出生啦
Okay. It's a-coming!
好 米奇尔 米奇尔 来
Okay! Mitchell! Mitchell, okay.
没事的 我们都在这里陪你
It's all right. We're here for you.
帮忙我把她裤子脱下来
Help me get her pants off.
-好的 行 -然后我们得
- Okay. Yes. - All right, we need to get
弄点枕头放到她屁♥股♥下
some pillows up underneath her hips
让她的产道维持正确的生产角度
to get her birthing canal properly angled.
好啦 我们准备
Yeah! All right, here we go.
放轻松
Relax.
米奇尔
Mitchell!
我想确保救护人员不会开过我们家
I want to make sure that they don't miss the house,
-所以我去... -呼吸 呼吸
- so I'm just gonna... - Breathe, breathe.
弗兰克与洛林 今天是你们公开与合法地
Frank and Lorraine, today marks the public and legal
灵魂与灵魂结合 把婚姻置于一切之上的
joining of your souls, marriage being above all else,
签约仪式
a contract.
我最爱的其中一个作家曾写道
Uh, one of my favorite authors once wrote,
来自印度/英国文学家萨尔曼·鲁西迪爵士
"爱若不是一切 那便一文不值
"If love is not all, then it is nothing.
这个原则与它反面的不贞
This principle, and its opposite,
碰撞出了我一生多年来扣人心弦的故事"
collide down all the years of -- of my breathless tale."
看到菲尔在台上这么闷 我有一种母鸟
Seeing Phil bomb up there, I felt like a mama bird
在小鸟已长大 把它踢出巢时
who had just nudged her chick out of the nest
没先说个笑话让它忘了疼的自责感
without a single pun to break his fall.
"人没有了爱情就活不下去
"For man can no more survive without love
就像木桶工不能离开柴刀
than a cooper without his billhook,
补鲸人不能没有剥鲸油刀"
nor a whaler less his flensing knife."
这些真知灼言直到今日
Words as true today as they were
也与一万八千年前刚被写下时一样正确
when they were written 18,000 years ago.
这不太对啊
That can't be right.
现在到了我问在座各位
Now is the moment when I ask if anyone here
有没有人有任何理由反对他俩成婚的时候了
has reason to object to the union of these two people.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
我反对
I object!
我反对你没有把他们的钻戒交给我 牧师
I object to you not handing over those diamond rings, preacher!
听到她说的了没
You heard her.
把钻石交过来 否则让你们吃墙子儿
Hand over the ice, or I fill you full of...leed.
-是吃枪子儿 -亲爱的 你在干嘛
-Lead. -Honey, what are you doing?
抱歉牧师 吉时已过
Sorry, padre, you had your chance.
我宣布你正式死亡
I now pronounce you dead!
你什么时候...
When in the world did --
一个死人咋这么多问题呢
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