摩登家庭
Modern Family S08E12
Part 2
Nov. 28, 2019, 11:51 a.m.
but that allows us to really get women.
我们不跟女性搞在一起
We may not hook up with women,
但我们真的很了解女性
but we really understand women.
我刚才就说得够清楚了
I think it was clear when I said that.
所以为什么要"早点开始约会"
So, what's with this whole "going out early" thing.
我们很久没有到外面约会过了
Well, it's been forever since we've had a date-night out,
所以我们列出了六件情人节心愿
and so we made a little list of the six things
是我们一直想做但没机会做的
that we love to do but never get to do.
真可悲
Ugh, pathetic.
我们可以这么吐槽自己 但你不行
Okay, we get to say that, not you.
不不不 是迪兰
No, no, no, it's Dylan.
每年情人节他都发短♥信♥给我 求我跟他上♥床♥
He texts me every Valentine's day begging to hook up.
的确挺悲哀
Oh, that is sad.
就是啊 几乎每次都失败
I know. It almost never works.
老家伙们
All right, you old bags,
把假牙戴上 带我出去浪
put your teeth in, you're taking me out.
萨尔 你怎么来了
Sal, what are you doing here?
今天是情人节
It's Valentine's day and my
而我的新德国男友维尔纳去外地了
new German boyfriend, Werner, is out of town,
我不喜欢一个人喝闷酒
and I don't like to drink alone.
前半句是真的
The first part's true.
其实我们已经订好计划了
Well, actually, we have plans.
但现在你们有更好的计划了
Aw, but now you have better plans.
福斯塔可以照看萨米
Fausta here can babysit Sammy
和那边那个亚洲娃
and General Tso over there.
萨米 跟你基佬叔叔们问好
Sammy, tell your guncles hello
用我教你的那样
like I taught you.
幸会
Enchante.
我正目睹的是什么情况
Ahh! What am I looking at here?
我要从娃娃抓起把他培养成基
I'm raising him gay.
告诉你米奇尔叔叔你觉得他那条裤子怎么样
Tell Uncle Mitchell what you think about those pants.
丑得惨绝人寰
Tragic.
他记住了
Oh, it's sticking!
快来 我们走
So, come on. Let's go. Uh...
如果有她照看孩子们
Hey, if she's watching the kids,
我不想当多余的第四者
I don't want to be a fourth wheel,
所以让我跟你们仨一起去吧
so I'll just come and join you three.
好主意
That-that sounds great.
米奇尔 我们去壁炉旁聊两句好吗
Mitchell, can I talk to you over by the fireplace?
好
Yeah, yeah.
-我们的计划怎么办 -你了解萨尔
- Hey, so what about our plans? - Look, you know Sal.
如果我们不答应她是不会走的
She's not gonna leave until we agree to this.
我们先哄她俩喝起来
So, look, we'll just get the two of them drinking.
她们不会注意到我们悄悄溜走
They won't even notice when we slip away,
然后我们就回到自己的心愿表上
and, you know, get back to our list.
-真是个好计划 -是吧
- That's a good plan. - Yeah.
反正我本来也不想做心愿表上的第一项
You know what? I didn't even want to do number one anyway.
那让我觉得自己肮脏又羞愧
It makes me feel dirty and ashamed.
好吧 那就不去起司蛋糕餐厅了
Okay, well, bye-bye, Cheesecake Factory.
就这样吧
Wow. All right.
我今天请二位过来是因为
I asked you guys to come in today because
乔送了我非常不合适的情人节礼物
Joe has given me a very, um, inappropriate Valentine's Day gift.
我想这应该是他从家里拿来的吧
I assume that he got this from home?
克拉克老师 我太抱歉了
Ms. Clarke, I am so sorry.
我保证乔根本不明白他在做什么
I'm sure that Joe doesn't even know what he was doing.
看来我终于有机会和儿子抢着看
Looks like I'm finally gonna get to fight with one son
《体育画报泳装女郎特辑》了
over the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
杰 这不好笑
Jay, this is not funny.
我家族里的男人总是太过"敢性"
I come from a very long line of overly sexy men.
我表亲理卡多是性加者
My cousin Ricardo, he had a sex addition.
你是想说性"瘾"吧
You mean "addiction."
是的 抱歉
Uh, yeah, sorry.
他在家里"瘾"盖了一间炮房♥
He built an addiction onto his house
只用来和众多女友做♥爱♥
for making love to his many girlfriends.
你们只要让乔知道
Well, Joe just needs to know
送这种礼物是不合适的就好了
that this type of gift is not okay.
您是对的 我会和他谈谈的
And you're right, and I'm gonna talk to him.
我做错事了吗
Did I do something wrong?
你的确未经同意从妈妈的抽屉里偷拿东西
You did take something out of your mom's drawer without asking.
但这次我就先睁一只眼闭一只眼吧
But I'm gonna give you a pass on that one.
重点是 你送那种礼物非常不合适
The thing is, the gift was inappropriate.
可是你也送妈妈内♥裤♥啊
Well, you give underpants to Mom.
没错
True.
你每年都送
You do it every year.
你可以送那种礼物
Look, you can give that kind of thing
给你妻子或女朋友
to your wife or your girlfriend.
但送老师就不能这样了 知道吗
But it's a little bit different when it's your teacher, okay?
好吧 我能回到宁静室去了吗
Fine. Can I go back to the quiet room now?
我已经错过一半的午睡时间了
I already missed half of my nap.
你知道我不午睡会怎么样
You know how I get.
当然 去吧
Sure. Go ahead.
都讲清楚了
Everything's squared away.
克拉克老师 抱歉给您添麻烦了
Ms. Clarke, sorry for the trouble.
请问内衣可以还给我吗
May I have that back?
天啊 不好意思
Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry.
我都不知道人类身材能到如此境界
I didn't know that real humans could have these dimensions.
-谢谢 -过奖了
- Thanks. - Thank you.
我好像不小心掉出了备份的酒店房♥卡
I seem to have dropped my spare hotel key.
-菲尔 -嘘
- Phil -- - Shh.
无论这个菲尔是谁 不必惊动他
No need to call whoever this Phil is.
你很安全
You're in no danger.
这张房♥卡是街尾华美达酒店422号♥房♥的
This key is to room 422 at the Ramada down the street.
找到机会就溜出来
Slip out when you can.
我会先把烟雾警报器关掉
I'll pre-disable the smoke detectors
这样在你甩掉那条得体阔腿裤时
so you don't set it off when you shimmy out
就不会因为太过惹火触发警报了
of those sensible wide-leg trousers.
在过去几年的情人节里
For the past several Valentine's,
我们会变身性感第二人格
we've adopted sexy alter egos --
狂野又随性的朱莉安娜
Juliana, wild and spontaneous,
和克莱夫 这位对
And Clive, passionate collector
搜集美女和古董航海图十分有热情的男人
of beautiful women and antique sailing maps.
克莱夫 我很喜欢这个主意
Clive, I love this id-
保留点体力 亲爱的
Save that energy, my dear.
在这间酒店房♥间时间不长
This hotel has a very short memory
但有很长的室外楼梯要爬
and a very long outdoor staircase.
克莱尔 你得把这些合同签好
Claire, you have to finish signing these contracts.
你好 菲尔
Hey, Phil.
我不是菲尔
Phil? No.
我叫克莱夫 朋友
Name's Clive, friend.
或许你能管一会儿事
Say, maybe you could take over here for a bit.
我会把你们女老板完整无缺送回来的
I'll make sure the boss lady's back in one piece
最晚不超过...
no later than --
有没有搞错
Oh, come on.
-你好 菲尔 -他现在是克莱夫
- Hi, Phil. - It's Clive, actually.
他们之间有玩角色扮演 就像你和你姐姐
Apparently they have a thing like how you and your sister
扮成毛绒玩具去参加那些聚会一样
go to those conventions dressed like stuffed animals.
克莱尔 你两点的预约到了
Oh. Uh, Claire, your 2:00 is here
你不能迟到
and you can't be late.
菲尔 我真的很感激你做的这些 真的
Phil, look, I really appreciate this. I do.
-只是我 -我去花店问过了
- It's just that -- - So, I spoke to the florist.
原来我的仰慕者
Turns out my admirer
是从普里契特衣柜公♥司♥订的花
sent these from Pritchett's Closets.
或许我的情路不顺 但我不用我妈
I may have a sad love life, but I don't need my mommy
送花来帮我抬高自尊心
trying to boost my self-esteem.
如果你真的想让我更有自信
And if you really want to give me some confidence,
为什么不在桌子上也摆张我的照片
how about a picture of me on your desk,
而不是只摆海莉和卢克的照片
and not just Haley and Luke.
首先 花不是我送你的
First of all, I didn't give you those flowers.
其次 我摆了你的照片
Second of all, there is a picture of you.
哪去了
Where is it?
问候您
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