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Modern Family S08E10

Part 1 Nov. 28, 2019, 11:51 a.m.

-杰 -欢迎欢迎
- Hey, Jay. - Welcome!
在杰家过元旦
New Year's Day at Jay's.
我爸正开车过来
My dad was driving in.
经历了上午的挫折后一切都在好转
Things were looking up after a bad morning.
-乖乖 -真厉害
- Oh! Yeah! - Oh, man!
看看它飞得多高啊
Look how high it goes!
我到时候要试试朝小鸟吐口水
I'm gonna try and spit on a bird.
那哥们是刚坐完下来吗
Did he just get off the ride?
亲爱的我有点打退堂鼓了
You know, honey, um, I'm getting cold feet.
不然我们还是...
Maybe we should just --
如果你害怕我们就走吧
Well, if you're scared, we should just go.
我很失望因为在我看来肯定会很爽的
I'm disappointed, 'cause to me, it seemed like a blast.
我的新年新决心是活得更刺♥激♥
My resolution to live more dangerously
结果出师不利
was off to a rocky start.
自己去拆我准备的圣诞礼物吧
Help yourself to my Christmas present.
天下最爽的就是在热水浴缸里喝冰鸡尾酒
Nothing like a frozen margarita in a hot tub.
让自然母亲知道她能做的事我们也都能做到
Lets nature know we can do anything she can.
我带走喝
Well, I'll take one to go.
艾丽克斯和我是要来你们的衣橱里
Alex and I are just here to raid your guys' closet
搜刮复古服装而来
for some vintage clothing.
我们要去一个九十年代风格的音乐节
Yeah, we're going to a '90s music festival
叫"当然90音乐节"
called Fo-shizzle-fest.
准备好吃烤猪撑到爆吧
Okay, get ready to pig out!
6到8小时后才能撑到爆
In six to eight hours.
我负责做去年的感恩节晚宴
I did Thanksgiving dinner last year,
结果没做好
and it didn't go well.
小卡把火鸡弄爆♥炸♥了
Cam blew up the turkey
吓得山羊撞墙自杀
and made the goat kill itself.
总之今天的元旦大餐我要强势回归
Anyhoo, today is my comeback meal,
我决定一切从简做烤全猪
and I decided to keep it simple and roast a pig.
你先挖个坑
So, you just dig a hole,
铺一层炭再盖一层蕉叶
you put down a bed of coals, then a layer of banana leaves,
把猪放进去再用麻布和锡纸包住
lower the pig, cover it with burlap and tin foil,
然后是见证奇迹的时刻
and -- Bam!
6小时后挖出来
Six hours later, you dig it all up,
放到盘子上又是见证奇迹的时刻
put it on a platter, and Bam!
晚餐就上桌了
dinner is served.
小伙子们
Guys,
不要以为你们的圣诞是在密苏里过的
just because you spent Christmas in Missouri
我们就把你们忘了
doesn't mean that we forgot about you.
拆礼物吧
Open your presents.
好我先拆
Oh, okay! I'll go first.
瞧瞧
Uh, let's see.
是电子管家的礼品券
Oh, it's a gift certificate for E-Butler.
是礼宾服务
It's a concierge service.
你可以用它做跑腿买♥♥票之类的杂务
Use it for errands, tickets, things like that.
我的天我太喜欢了
Oh my God. I love this!
就像住在酒店一样
It's like staying in a hotel,
但我用遥控器时不必戴手套防细菌
but I don't have to wear gloves to use the remote.
好了到我了到我了
Okay, me next. Me next.
是条围裙上面还带铃铛
Oh... it's an apron with-with bells on it.
上面还写着"过来卡一下"
And it says, "Cam and get it!"
所以这个不是拼写错误吗
Oh, so that's not a mistake?
我额外加钱定做的
We spent extra cash to get that custom made.
我在梦中想到的好点子
Came to me in a dream.
穿上吧伙计
Put it on, buddy.
我们照一张你们拿着礼物的照片
Let's, uh-Let's get pictures with you guys and your gifts.
杰歌♥洛莉亚你们也一起来
Jay and Gloria, get in there too.
来吧亲爱的咱也去
Come on, honey. Let's go.
-天啊 -我帮你系
- Oh, boy. - I'll tie it.
-不用 -好吧
- No, you won't. - All right.
我就说斯黛拉想杀我
I told you Stella was trying to kill me!
-刚才真是吓死人了 -又没出事
- Well, that was a scare. - Nothing happened.
我知道你想说什么
I know where you're going with this.
这就是为什么我一直追着你
This is why I've been hounding you
要你做遗产规划
about your estate planning.
不米奇
No, Mitch.
不要朝宇宙释放这种负能量
Don't put that horrible thing out in the universe!
爸你还没做遗产规划吗
Dad, you still haven't done that?
自从乔出生以来他们都没修订过文件
They haven't updated their paperwork since Joe was born.
老天保佑但万一他们遇到不测了呢
Uh, God forbid something bad should happen to them.
我们都不知道他们想让谁做乔的监护人
We don't even know who'd they want to raise Joe.
你别吓她了行吗
Will you stop scaring her?
至今我花在种睫毛上面的钱
I spend more money on eyelashes
吹走掉下来的睫毛可以许愿
已经比你们好多人的医保钱都多了
than most of you do on health care.
好吧我今天就做
Fine, we'll do it today.
开始新一年的方式那么多
What better way to start the new year
但有什么能比准备身后事更"开心"
than by preparing for the worst?
说到还生龙活虎的老爸
Speaking of alive dads,
我爸来啦
there's mine! Oh!
见到你太好了
So good to see you!
一路开车过来顺利吗
How was the drive?
棒极了
Fantastic.
开到佛州塔拉哈西时我的收音机坏了
My radio broke around Tallahassee.
但哪里有比美国公路上的广♥告♥牌
But is there a better entertainment source
更有趣的娱乐内容呢
than the billboards of America?
根据广♥告♥来看梅毒又要祸害众生了
Apparently, syphilis is making a comeback.
再说你还有我陪你解闷呢
Plus, you had me to keep you company.
洛林
Lorraine?
洛林是照顾我长大的保姆
Lorraine was my babysitter growing up.
我第一次春心荡漾的对象也是她
She was also my first crush
我第一次做"那啥梦" 梦见的也是她
and also the star of my first, um... "funny dream."
当年菲尔一见到洛林就调皮捣蛋
Yeah, Lorraine used to bring out the holy terror in Phil.
好像他故意想被洛林打屁♥股♥似的
It seemed like he wanted to be spanked by her.
我才没有
No, I did not.
你们在一起多久了
How long has this been going on?
我们今年早些时候做陪审团时重新联♥系♥上的
Well, we reconnected earlier this year on jury duty.
三重凶杀案只有我坚持认为凶手无罪
I was the lone holdout on a triple homicide case.
当被告是无辜的时候你是能感应到的
You can just feel when someone is innocent, you know?
但洛林说如果我改投有罪
But Lorraine said she'd go out to lunch with me
她就陪我吃午饭
if I changed my vote,
所以我们就在一起了
so here we are.
-菲尔你做梦都没想到 -没"梦"过
- Phil, did-did you ever dream -- - No.
我上次见到你时
Last time I saw you,
你还在我胸口
you came up to here.
好了克莱尔会带你们从那边去后院
Okay, Claire will take you that way to the back yard.
我会从房♥子里穿过去
I'll go through the house
这样我们就终于能知道哪条路比较快了
so we can finally know which way's faster.
好了只要回答几个简单的问题
Okay, just a few simple questions,
你们的遗产规划就做好了
and your estate planning is done.
这是什么
What is this?
我们不用额外准备一笔钱给曼尼上大学
We don't need to put aside money for Manny's college.
钱我早就攒够了
I already took care of it.
曼尼出生的时候我不想依靠任何人
When Manny was born, I didn't want to rely on anyone,
所以我开始把一部分薪水攒起来
so I started saving money from my paycheck.
最后就把曼尼上大学的钱攒出来了
Eventually, I made enough money for Manny's college,
这样如果有什么不测他也不会有事
so if anything happens, he'll be okay.
真了不起
That's amazing.
我看银行财务报表的时候怎么没发现
How did I not see this in the bank statements?
我为什么要把我有可能哪天
Why would I put money that I might need
就需要带着跑路的钱存进银行呢
to run away with in the middle of night in the bank?
我把它放在跑路包里
I put it in my disappear bag.
虽然这事很难不往心里去但是...
It's hard not to take that personally, but, um,
那包在哪
where is this bag?
在...
It's in...in...
-你忘了 -不可能
- You forgot? - No.
我特地编了首歌♥
That's why I made a song
好帮我想起来它在哪
so that it would always help me remember.
* 我的跑路小包我的跑路小包 *
* My disappear bag, my disappear bag *
* 我把你安全地藏在... *