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Modern Family S08E09

Part 4 Nov. 28, 2019, 11:51 a.m.

but I'm very flattered by your interest in me,
如您所料我对您也有好感
and just so you know, the feeling is mutual.
什么
What?
我不知道你喜不喜欢露营
I don't know if you're into camping,
但我能搞来帐篷
but I can get a tent.
我已经结婚了屁♥股♥的那一半在家呢
I'm married. My rear end is at home.
我说的是玛乔丽
I meant Marjorie.
不她太神经兮兮了
Oh, no. She's way too intense.
谢了再说一旦你想象过自己
No. And once you've imagined yourself
坐在篝火旁为歌♥洛莉亚吹单簧管
sitting by a campfire playing your clarinet for Gloria --
玛乔丽特别喜欢户外
Marjorie loves the outdoors.
是的她还有个露营烤面包机
Yes, she even has a camping toaster.
她是位超级棒的女士
She is a super lady,
但二位我才45岁
but, guys, I'm only 45.
我还期待营火后烟火般的美人呢
I'm holding out for fireworks.
达米安过来了
Oh, here comes Damien.
千万别告诉他我自以为能勾搭上歌♥洛莉亚
Do not tell him that I thought I had a shot with Gloria.
我妈不信布朗校长喜欢我
My mom doesn't believe that Principal Brown likes me.
你能跟她说说吗
Can you tell her?
歌♥洛莉亚
Gloria?
偶电♥话♥英语不咋地
My phone English no so good.
-去吃冰淇淋怎么样 -太凉了
- How about ice cream? - Too cold.
-喝咖啡呢 -太晚了
- Coffee? - Too late.
等一下我真笨
Oh, wait a minute. I'm such an idiot.
我竟然忘了有知名牛仔演员的回顾影展
I forgot about the Clint Eastwood retrospective
展完还有苏格兰威士忌品酒会
followed by the scotch tasting
七十年代的著名运动员们会在那里
where famous athletes from the '70s tell stories
讲述过去扬斯敦的生活是怎样的
about how life used to be in Youngstown.
-真的吗 -假的
- Really? - No!
哪有这种活动
It doesn't exist.
你想参与的那种活动根本不存在
What you want does not exist.
你这是做什么
What are you doing?
我不管你要干嘛
I don't care what you do,
但我要去参加舞会
but I'm going into that dance.
我喜欢看到孩子们盛装打扮开开心心的
I like to see the kids all dressed up and happy
试图装出一副已经长大的样子
and trying to look older than they are.
我的初吻就是在高中舞会
The first girl I ever kissed was at a high school dance.
其实当时就放着《狮王今夜沉睡》
It was actually to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight."
难怪我刚刚脑子里一直回放这首歌♥
I guess that's why it was in my head.
姑且告诉你狮王那晚可一夜都没睡
Let's just say the lion did not sleep that night.
我当时像个野蛮人一样狂灌汽水
I was slamming Mountain Dews like a wild man.
玛莎·古尔丁
Marsha Goulding.
我当时特别迷恋她
I had this huge crush on her.
终于鼓起勇气邀请她去春季嘉年华
Finally got my nerve up to ask her to the Spring Fling.
第一支舞时我吓坏了总踩她脚
First dance, I was terrified. I'm tromping all over her feet.
但跳着跳着就放松了
But as the dances went on, it got easier,
山姆·库克的《你令我沉醉》放到一半时
and right in the middle of Sam Cooke singing "You Send Me,"
我鼓起勇气一搏
I went for it.
我当时好惊讶她也回吻了我
I was just so surprised she kissed me back.
初吻不能再来
Well, you can't have your first kiss again,
但你的下一个吻就在那场舞会上
but you can have your next one right in there.
好啦好啦就哄歌♥洛莉亚高兴高兴吧
Oh, what the hell. Give Gloria a thrill.
太好了杰因为你使她完整
That's great, Jay, 'cause you complete her.
菲尔你真会说话
Oh, Phil.
不字面意义上的
No, literally.
"你使她完整"
You complete her.
你是这个笑话的结尾屁♥股♥部分
You're the butt of this joke.
毛衣给我
Give me the sweater.
玛乔丽又聪明又有条理
Marjorie is smart and organized,
不论你什么时候需要洗手液或是创可贴
and if you ever need hand sanitizer or a Band-Aid,
她总随身带着
she always has it on her.
她就像一个性感火♥辣♥的药房♥
She's like a sexy, sexy drugstore.
她萌得没治了
She's as cute as a button.
就像个长大的椰菜娃娃
Like a grown-up Cabbage Patch doll.
感觉麻烦事会特别多
Yeah. Yeah, that seems like it'd be a whole lot of e-mails.
坚决拒绝
It's a hard pass.
可是布朗校长你知道人们都说
But, Principal Brown, you know what they say
在外面就充满热情的人♥妻♥回家后多狂野吧
about a mom who's enthusiastic in the streets.
哪有这种说法
That's not a saying.
话说回来你们两个
Why are the two of you
为什么突然对我的感情生活这么感兴趣
suddenly so interested in my love life, anyway?
因为我们在乎你
Because we care.
你们连我的名字都不知道
You don't even know my first name.
我们知道
Yes, we do.
你叫普林斯
It's, um... Prince?
有同名的黑人歌♥手
狗屎运猜中的
Lucky guess.
我刚刚在烤肉台那边
I was over at the carving station,
我就想"你知道谁会想吃牛肋排吗
and I thought, "You know who'd love some prime rib?
普林斯·布朗校长"
Principal Prince Brown."
玛乔丽恐怕你我只是
Marjorie, I'm afraid you and I are pawns
这两个人精心策划的变♥态♥计划中的两颗棋子
in a very sick game being orchestrated by these two.
她们两个非常努力地想把咱俩撮合到一起
They're working very hard to put us together,
我也不知道为什么
and I don't know why.
我从没见过她们俩努力做任何事
I've never seen them work very hard in anything,
除了逃避志愿工作的时候
except getting out of volunteering.
凭良心讲我们也志愿做了很多事
Hey, to be fair, we volunteer for plenty of things.
你忘了我提着水管在慈善洗车募款洗车吗
Yeah, don't you remember me holding a hose at the car wash?
精彩画面永生难忘
Yeah, everybody remembers that.
所以你对我没兴趣是吗
So you're not interested in me?
我们一直以来都是同事间的情谊
Well, we've always had a working relationship,
我可能只是从没想过跟你有那种感情吧
and I guess I've just never thought of you in that way.
男女之情吗
As a woman?
我在工作时会把男女感情抛到九云霄外
When I'm at work, I turn off that part of myself.
现在那感情又上身了
Uh, it has turned back on.
我去检查消防安全门是否畅通
Oh, I'm gonna check the -- the fire exits.
我们去开始把椅子叠起来
We're going to stack chairs.
慢走不送
Whatever.
我想到了
I've got it.
我们创立一个假军乐队
We start a fake marching band
然后先拿一笔购置乐器的款项
and get the money for the instruments up front.
这根本就是电影《欢乐音乐妙无穷》的翻版
You just described the exact plot of "The Music Man."
下场如何
How'd that turn out?
赢了四座托尼奖
Won four Tonys.
是五座
Five. Ugh.
你怎么可以让这种事发生呢
How could you let this happen?
我哪知道啊你短♥信♥我的时候
I don't know. You were texting me
我正好在直播我的早餐...
while I was live streaming my breakfast, and...
等等
Wait a minute.
我说了是八百块啊
I did say $800.
你看
Look.
天啊那这事真的是我的锅
Oh, my God, this is all my fault.
哎哟哟
Well, well, well.
风水轮流转傻♥逼♥轮流当
Looks like the dunce cap is on the other foot.
艹
Hey!
你这体型的牲畜吃的就是草
Is what an animal your size grazes on.
艹就是草
Hay is...
而你是只大笨牛
You're a cow.
好啦
Okay.
你这块头你的体重绝对很完美
You're the perfect weight for your frame.
同志内心挣扎的又一经典呈现
Another proud moment for the struggle.
她来啦
Ugh. Here she comes.
斗士玛丁·璐德·妗女士
Martin Luther Queen, yes.
请您务必跟我说说基佬的内心挣扎
By all means, tell me about the struggle.
可以啊你个毒舌小娘炮
Okay, you nasty little twink.
你对不起我
You owe everything to me
与所有在你之前的男同前辈
and all the gays that came before you.
我们辛苦争取来的一切
It's because of everything we fought for
才让你能不可一世的在高中里混
that you get to snark your way through high school
穿着内增高招摇过市
with lifts in your shoes
而不是被人塞进置物柜里眼泪汪汪
instead of spending it terrified, shoved in a locker.