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Modern Family S08E19

Part 2 Nov. 28, 2019, 11:52 a.m.

如果他经过房♥顶
If he came across the roof,
就会有破损的瓦片或怪物的脚印或...
there'd be broken tiles or monster prints or...
我的压花钱夹
My monogrammed money clip.
我昨晚从乔的
I snuck in through Joe's
窗户爬进来因为过了门禁时间
window last night because it was past curfew,
我肯定是把钱夹落在屋顶了
and I must have dropped my clip on the roof.
我得在妈妈看见之前把它捡回来
I needed to get it before mom saw.
我可不能被禁足
I can't afford to get grounded.
大卫·赛德瑞斯在工作日的晚上
David Sedaris is coming to Barnes and Noble
知名作家与单口相声演员
要来巴诺书店演出
on a school night.
我可以到房♥顶上看看有没有怪物的口水
I guess I can go out on the roof and check for monster slobber.
-好的 -不
- Okay. ‭- No!
如果他从房♥顶上掉下来摔死了
If he falls from the roof and dies,
他的幽魂就会缠着你一辈子
his ghost will haunt you forever.
天啊我可不想要有幽魂
Oh, boy. I do not need a ghost.
曼尼来车♥库♥里帮我个忙
Manny, help me out in the garage.
我能对我不愿做的事说不吗
Do I get to say no to things I don't want to do?
不能在你这年纪拒绝人会讨人厌
No, at your age, it's unlikable.
而在我这年纪拒绝人会讨人喜
At my age, it's delightful.
你能帮我把那些复活节装饰物拿下来吗
Can you get those Easter decorations down for me?
不知道你还记得不
I don't know if you remember,
最近我的背一直疼
but my back's been bothering me lately.
我需要先换个衣服吗
Uh, do I need to change my shirt?
那儿看起来蛛网密布
It looks cobwebby up there.
不用就拉一下
No, just give it a tug.
我都没意识到那个水泥砖这么差一点
You know, I never realized how close to the edge
就会砸到了这个漂亮的摇篮上
that cinder block is to falling right on this beautiful crib.
见了鬼了开什么玩笑
Son of a...! You got to be kidding me!
我靠
Come on!
好热闹的场面
Quite the shindig, huh?
小傻子们去歇歇腿吧
You mooks cool your heels.
小爷我去给美人儿拿点烈酒
I'll grab some hooch for this parakeet.
菲尔为什么我们是唯一穿成这样的
Phil, why are we the only ones in costume?
小宝贝说的没错哪里不太对头
Oh, you're right, doll. Something's screwy.
请柬上明明写着 "可选着帮派戏服"
The invitation clearly said "Gangster attire optional."
可选着
Optional?!
你这个傻子真这么穿了
You dumbasses actually did it!
杰里快拍
Jerry, get this!
不杰里别拍
No, Jerry, don't get this.
各位这是洛林的儿子雷
Uh, everyone, this is Lorraine's son, Ray.
母女我最喜欢的搜索类别
Mother-daughter -- My favorite search category.
按道理你不是应该在
Shouldn't you be partially upright
"男人成长度表"上较偏后的位置了吗
on a "Stages of man" chart somewhere?
-什么 -是的
- What? ‭- Yeah.
亲爱的你现在听着
Honey, you need to hear this right now.
你的家人很难堪
Your family's embarrassed.
我们是唯一这么穿的
We're the only ones in costumes.
你总是陷我们于这种境地
You do this all the time.
我还穿着羊毛内♥裤♥呢
I'm wearing wool underwear.
这是你为了符合历史自己选穿的
That's an extra step you chose to take.
对不起我以为这很好玩
I'm sorry. I thought this would be fun.
但你觉得好玩的对我们来说很恐怖
Yes, but your idea of fun is often our idea of a horror show.
当你开热狗车到学校接我时
When you picked me up from school in that hot dog car.
在我的毕业典礼上
Repeatedly screaming,
不断大喊 "这才对嘛"时
"That's what I'm talking about!" at my graduation.
踩着高跷去我的科学展览会
Walking into my science fair on stilts.
你的作品是长脚[爸爸]蛛我没得选啊
Your exhibit was on daddy longlegs. I had no choice!
亲爱的你一直都有选择
Oh, honey, you always have a choice.
只是你总选错误的那个而已
You just keep making the wrong ones.
兄弟们
Guys.
别走啊
Come on, now.
看是漂亮男孩邓菲
Well, look, it's Pretty Boy Dunphy.
横行于1930年代的美国知名银行劫匪"漂亮男孩弗洛伊德"
爸爸你看起来也很棒
Looking good yourself, Pops.
你怎么样
How, uh -- How you doing?
我准备好了我的戒指我的誓词
Well, I got my rings, got my vows.
万事俱备只欠逃婚路子
Now all I need is a way to escape.
快来人啊帮帮我
Please, someone help.
我开玩笑呢
I'm kidding, of course.
实际上我一直很期待再婚
Actually, I'm really looking forward to being married.
那你拿着这行李袋子干嘛
Then -- Then what's with the getaway bag?
我想请你帮我
Oh, I got to ask you to help me out
来实施我这个惊喜
with what I think is a doozy of a surprise.
过来
Come here.
听我说仪式举♥行♥中当你问
Get this -- Mid-ceremony, you know, when you ask
有人反对吗的时候
if anyone has any objections?
我会拿出
‭I'm gonna pull out
一个冲♥锋♥枪♥ 让你跳过那部分
a Tommy gun and tell you to skip that part.
哎哟我滴妈我喜欢
Sweet maple syrup. I like it.
还不止如此呢
I'm just getting warmed up.
我准备了脚本道具枪漆弹
I got a script, prop guns, exploding paint capsules.
我还雇了本地剧院的几个演员来帮忙
I even hired a few of the local theater people to help out.
洛林同意这件事吗
And, uh -- And Lorraine's cool with all this?
这就是最棒的地方她根本不知道
That's the beauty part. She doesn't know a thing about it.
80%的喜剧都是惊喜
80% of comedy is surprise.
剩下的20%是文字哏
The other 20% is wordplay.
怎么了儿子
Something wrong, son?
我觉得这可能不是个好主意
I think this might be a terrible idea.
你什么意思
What do you mean?
洛林有可能是比较传统的新娘子
Lorraine might be one of those old-fashioned brides
不想自己的婚礼上还得进行尸体清点
that doesn't want a body count on her special day.
爸咱俩喜欢玩儿
Dad, you and I like to have fun,
但不是每个人像咱俩一样
but not everybody's like us.
有些人有些人觉得
Some people -- Some people think
咱们的招牌幽默让人难堪
our brand of humor is embarrassing.
你说得对有时候我的确有点过火
Oh, you're right. Maybe I do overdo it.
我记得在你受洗仪式上
I remember your mother was really ticked off at me
我一直假装圣水很烫
at your baptism when I kept pretending the holy water
你妈妈就很恼火
was boiling. ‭
好吧我们今天就不做什么疯狂事了
Okay, we don't have to do anything crazy today.
-放心吧 -谢谢爸爸
- Don't worry about it. - Thanks, Pops.
不过你还是会按我们说好的那样
But, wait, you're still gonna do my funeral
帮我筹备丧礼的吧
the way we talked about, right?
播放那段你猛敲棺材盖
That recording of you banging on that piece of wood
大喊"放我出来"的录音
screaming, "Let me out of here!"
我没办法亲眼看到那一幕真是可惜
It's a real shame I'm gonna miss that.
-你在干吗 -曼尼刚才制♥造♥的那场意外
- What are you doing? - That accident that Manny caused earlier
快把我吓死了于是我决定
gave me quite a start, so I figured
把所有东西搬出来用更安全的方式摆放回去
I'd pull everything out and put it back in a safer fashion.
歌♥洛莉亚你能帮我插好这个插头吗
Gloria, could you plug this in for me?
我想给部分杂物吸一下尘
I want to dust off some of this stuff.
你叫人家出来外面就为了这事吗
Did you call me outside just for that?
我的背不舒服啊
I got a back situation.
曼尼应该提起过吧
Maybe Manny mentioned it.
不插错了
Oh, no! Wrong cord!
你都干了什么
What have you done?
天啊乔的婴儿床貌似彻底报废了
Geez, it seems like Joe's crib's damaged beyond repair!
不不没事啊
No, no, it's fine.
它不过是像玩"青蛙过河" 跳到了对面
It just Froggered across the street.
先放在那儿吧明天收垃圾的人会来
Leave it there. The garbage man is coming tomorrow.
那你没意见吗
And you're fine with that?
你明明对跟那孩子有关的东西都很留恋
You're attached to everything related to that kid.
是啊但我一点都不留念那张破床
Yeah, but not to that stupid crib.
你知道我被这张床弄坏了多少件衣服吗
Do you know how many clothes I've ruined walking by it --
有美美的裙子毛衣还有一双高跟鞋
nice dresses, sweaters, a pair of high heels?
你怎么有办法勾坏高跟鞋呢
How do you snag a pair of high heels?
我用脚踢那破玩意儿啊不然呢
I kicked that stupid thing. How else?
我的陷阱起作用了我抓到了那只怪物
My trap worked! I caught the monster!
你落入我手中了大怪物
I got you now, monster!
等等别动手是我曼尼
Wait, wait, wait, stop! It's me -- Manny.