兄弟
Hey, buddy.
没干什么
Nothing!
不好意思 习惯了
Sorry. Habit.
我还真没做什么不该做的
I'm not actually doing anything wrong.
只是在看亚利桑那州立大学有没有录取我
Just checking to see if I got into A.S.U.
怎么不叫我们一起
Without us?!
大伙 快过来
Guys, get in here!
就是现在
It's happening!
菲尔在网上看了个视频
Phil saw videos online
全家人一起庆祝孩子被大学录取的一刻
of families celebrating the moment their kid got into college.
纯粹的戏剧性 当全家人紧张的期待
For pure drama, you can't beat that thing
变成无比的喜悦爆发出来
when an entire family's nervous anticipation
简直无与伦比
turns into an explosion of utter joy.
-来吧 -来吧 纽约大学
- Come on! - Come on, N-Y...
圣母大学
Notre...
靠
...Damn.
好了 开始吧
All righty, here we go.
开始录像
And record and...
"欢迎进入亚利桑那州"
"Welcome to Arizona State"...
-真的录取了 -我的天啊
- It's happening! - Oh, my God!
"欢迎进入亚利桑那州立大学招生门户
"Welcome to Arizona State's admissions portal.
我们很遗憾地通知您"
"We regret to inform you"...
伙计
Aww, pal...
别搞悬念了
Well, don't leave us in suspense.
到底被录取没有
What did they say?
我刚刚看了一眼莉莉
Hey, I just peeked in on Lily,
你猜是谁蜷在她床上陪她睡觉
and guess who she was curled up with on her bed?
如果不是咱家的猫 我会因为你拿
If it's not the cat, I'm gonna be really upset about
这件事开玩笑而感到十分担忧
how you're teasing this out.
她能有只亲近的宠物我很开心
I love that she has a pet that she's close to
就像当初我和我的宠物猪莉莉一样
like I was with my pet pig Lily.
骗我给咱女儿取了培根的名字
Still no guilt, I see, after tricking me into
看来你至今仍不觉得内疚
naming our daughter after bacon.
我和那只宠物猪很亲近的
I was very close to that pig.
无论如何
For heaven's sakes,
我至今还把她的骨灰放在车♥库♥里
I still have her ashes in the garage.
是啊
True.
我最近开始在车♥库♥里健身
I recently started exercising in the garage,
在第一天 我
and on the first day, I, uh --
我就"掉"了好几斤
I dropped a couple of pounds.
我早知道米奇尔在骗我
I knew Mitchell was lying.
我只是给他个机会向我坦白
I was just giving him the opportunity to come clean.
我早就发现骨灰瓮空了
I had discovered the urn was empty.
莉莉
Lily?
你知道吗 我在想
You know, I was thinking tonight
今晚从你♥爸♥那回来后
maybe we could bury the ashes in the back yard
或许我们能把骨灰在后院下葬
after we get back from your dad's.
今晚悼念她再合适不过了
It's a perfect night to pay tribute.
-为什么 -今晚是猪月
- W-Why? - The Pig Moon.
不好意思 再说一次
I'm sorry? One more time.
猪月
The Pig Moon.
每隔十♥八♥年♥ 月亮会发出肉粉色的光晕
Every 18 years, the moon takes on a pink hue,
并与猎户座连成一线
and it aligns with Orion.
在我们老家是件大事
Oh. It's a huge deal back home.
我们会办庆祝活动
There's a festival,
所有监狱都会大赦 以示善意
they empty out all the jails as a sign of goodwill.
所以我们今晚要办个仪式之类的吗
So, we're having, like, a ceremony tonight?
是的 宝贝
Yes, sweetie.
但我们不是要去爷爷家吗
But don't we have grandpa's?
没关系的
Well, you know what?
反正我们总是在找可信的借口好早点离开
We're always looking for a credible reason to leave early.
那到时我们该怎么说
So, what are we supposed to say?
"我们不吃甜点了 得早点回家
"No -- no dessert for us. We got to get home.
我们得把一头德国名种老母猪
We got to bury the 25-year-old ashes
25年的陈年骨灰埋了"
of a Brunswick King sow."
态度真不错
Wow. Nice attitude.
就像你故意想让猪月约翰老人
It's almost like you want Pig Moon John
在你的狩猎靴里装满煤块似的
to fill your hunting boot with coal.
这也太慢了
This is so slow!
如果你在浏览普里契特衣柜的网页
If you're on the Pritchett's Closets website,
我们已经知道加载速度慢的事了
we're aware of the slowdown.
要么是被黑客黑了
It's either a hack by the Chinese
要么是我雇来改善网页的坑货[黑客]搞的
or that Chinese hack I hired to fix the website.
不是 我是在买♥♥格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡
No, I'm trying to get tickets
美国知名女歌♥手 出生于古巴
是她将拉丁音乐打进美国市场
今晚演唱会的门票
for tonight's Gloria Estefan concert.
这有点太巧了吧
That's a little on the nose.
妈 又变成这样啦
Mom, it happened again!
杰 你坐在这仔细盯着
Jay, sit down here and pay attention.
等轮到你的时候必须迅速出手
Ugh! You have to move fast when it's your turn,
不然他们就转到下一个人了
or they'll move to the next person.
乔 这就是为什么我们要等到你6岁
Joe, this is exactly why we're not giving you a knife
才让你玩刀
until you turn 6 years old.
我真怀念那些
I missed the days
人们得实际去排队的日子
when people stood in actual lines.
如果你不愿意在下雨天站着苦等
If you weren't willing to stand in the rain,
你就没资格去看加里·帕克特与联盟峡
you didn't get to see Gary Puckett & the Union Gap.
六十年代的流行摇滚乐队
我靠
Ow! Damn it!
什么 我才溜号♥一秒
What? It was one second!
好了 给我吧
Okay, give it back to me.
不用了 我买♥♥完了
No need. I got 'em.
真的吗 你付完款了吗
Oh, really? And you paid?
付了 用浏览器
Yeah, you got your browser
填一下信♥用♥卡♥信息
filling out your credit card info.
其实这样不太安全
It's not super secure,
不过不论卡被谁偷了
but, whoever steals them
他可能都没你花得多
will probably spend less than you.
多波美丽的早上啊
Oh, what a B-U-tiful morning.
开个玩笑 因为我被波士顿大学录取了
I joke because I've been accepted to B.U.
曼尼 我真为你骄傲
Oh, Manny, I'm so proud of you!
目前六所学校都录取我了
I'm six for six.
这么多追求者 真不知道该选谁
So many suitors -- not sure which to choose from.
我觉得自己就像
I feel like Lady Mary
上一季《唐顿庄园》里的大小姐玛丽
in the last season of "Downton Abbey."
我要是你就不选以美式足球闻名的学校
I'd avoid the big football schools.
今晚我们要去庆祝一下
And tonight we're going to celebrate.
我们要去看演唱会
We're going to a concert.
我在网上买♥♥好票了
I got the tickets online.
网上是比去会场买♥♥方便些吧
Easier than buying them at the venue, I guess.
会场在哪啊 随口一问
What is the venue, uh, by the way?
不能去会场门口买♥♥的
You can't buy them at the door.
是私人演唱会
It's a private concert.
只有粉丝俱乐部的人才能买♥♥票
It's just for the fan club.
我还记得我们第一次去
I remember our first
格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡的演唱会
Gloria Estefan concert.
那时你还那么小
You were so little,
坐在我的肩膀上 举着打火机
sitting on my shoulders, holding the lighter.
我要走了
I'm gonna leave.
是啊 一转眼就要离我而去了
Yes, before I know it.
不 是现在要出门
No, right now.
我需要买♥♥件新衣服今晚穿
I obviously need something to wear tonight.
好 我和你一起去
Oh, okay. I'll go with you.
多好的主意 去吧 好好玩一天
What a great idea. Go! Make a day of it.
不行 等一下
No, wait, wait, wait --
我不能穿在家穿的高跟鞋去商场
I can't go to the mall wearing my house heels.
那不正是买♥♥新鞋的好理由吗
What a good excuse to buy a nice pair of new ones.
这就是为什么我这么爱你
That's why I love you.
什么时候都别忘了这点
Always remember that.
太感谢您了 派太太
Thank you so much, Mrs. Pasternak.
我想您肯定很好奇我为什么向您要骨灰吧
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