摩登家庭
Modern Family S08E17
Part 5
Nov. 28, 2019, 11:51 a.m.
他进啦
He got in!
你进啦 这玩意什么毛病
You got in! What is wrong with this thing?
等等 这不科学啊
Wait, this doesn't make any sense.
我都被更差的学校拒绝过了
I got rejected by worse schools than this.
他们为什么会要收我啊
Why would they want me?
人家为什么会不要你
Why wouldn't they want you?
宝贝 不只是学术成绩重要啊
Honey, it's not all about grades.
你还参加了很多...
I mean, you were involved in -- in...
你们跟学校谈过了吗
Did you talk to them?
你说什么 没听清
I'm sorry, what?
舌头伸出来给我看
Show me your tongue.
我伸舌头又能证明什么呢
I don't know what that would prove.
这感觉是个尴尬的家庭时刻
This kind of seems like an embarrassing family moment.
已经在录了
I know, I'm on it.
蓝色
Blue!
去过那学校的人
You can't go to that campus
肯定都尝过他们的斗牛犬冰沙
without getting a Bulldog Blast.
我们是去告诉他们 不录取你是错误
We went up there to tell them they made a mistake.
他们并没有犯错误
They didn't make a mistake,
其他不要我的学校也没有做错
and neither did the other schools.
我不会去上的
I'm not going.
宝贝 这是你最后的机会了
Honey, it's your last chance.
那我就明年再去上
Then I'll wait until next year.
-要去 就得是正大光明进去 -这话我服
- If I go, I want to deserve it. - I can respect that.
没人让你提供意见 谢谢
Nobody asked for your opinion, thank you.
你必须得去上
You're going.
你完全不知道你♥爸♥爸费了多大功夫
You have no idea what your father went through
才为你弄到这机会
to get you this opportunity.
以你无法想象到的方式牺牲自己人格
He debased himself in ways you can't imagine.
你不是说没多严重吗
You said it wasn't that bad.
你在看什么
What are you watching?
我们的邻居发给我个视频
Our neighbor sent me a video.
是海莉跟米奇尔
It's of Haley and Mitchell.
不是 那是... 不需要放出...
Oh. No, that's -- okay, we don't need to...
太久了吧
It's taking forever.
我已经用全身力气推了
I'm pushing as hard as I can.
你的挡风玻璃被人安上那东西了吗
You have one of those things on your windshield?
你收到了多少张停车罚单啊
How many parking tickets do you have?
我觉得现在焦点不应该在我啊
I think we're focused on the wrong thing here.
卢克不去上大学了呢
Luke's not going to college.
你的手指为什么是粉色的
Why is your finger pink?
这不是我画的
This isn't mine.
我就觉得作图视角怪怪的
I knew the perspective was off.
是小卡的错
It's Cam's fault.
他让我看着照片做出来的
He made me copy it from a photo.
是这样的 我不小心毁了原件
You know what? I accidentally destroyed the original,
我心里又过意不去
and I couldn't live without it.
米奇尔·普里契特 我代表"育儿杂♥志♥"提问
Mitchell Pritchett, Parenting Magazine.
伪造孩子的画就有比用派太太亡夫骨灰
How is forging a child's painting any less egregious
来替换猪的骨灰强到哪里去吗
than replacing a pig's ashes with Mrs. Pasternak's dead husband?
没有
It's not.
我就是个伪君子 我的一生充满谎言
I'm a hypocrite. My whole life is a lie.
卡洛斯并不是迈阿密之音的团员
Carlos isn't really in the Miami Sound Machine.
他只是个... 普通的狗狗美容师
He's just a -- a basic dog groomer.
把钱省下来吧 我不能帮你弄到票
Save your money. I couldn't get you your tickets.
你花钱去买♥♥票
You're spending money on tickets
而不是花钱去付掉罚票[单]吗...
when you should be spending money on ticket --
你懂我的意思
you know what I mean.
演唱会的票是帮米奇尔弄的
The concert tickets were for Mitchell.
-所以你没帮我搞来门票吗 -没有
- So you didn't get my tickets? - No.
-你没帮我买♥♥到票啊 -那网站像神经病
- So you didn't get my tickets. - The website was insane.
没有猫鼬般的反应速度根本抢不到
You'd need the reflexes of a mongoose.
你骗了我
You lied to me.
看看大家 谁都在说谎
Well, look around! Everybody's lying.
伪造画作 盲眼开车
Forging paintings, driving blind,
偷换骨灰
swapping ashes.
我不想毁了你的猪月嘛
I didn't want to ruin the Pig Moon.
没有什么猪月好吗
There is no Pig Moon.
你是觉得我密苏里老家有多落后啊
How backwards do you think Grasshopper, Missouri is?
大家听我说 我能解决
Guys, guys. I've got this.
各位
Guys.
我打给塔格法官了
I talked to Judge Tager.
他同意撤销你的罚单
He'll make your parking tickets disappear
代价是给他来俩上好古巴雪茄
in return for a couple of Cubans.
你拿了三根
You took three.
另一根是给俱乐部的保安的
The other one is for the security guard at the club.
他今晚在埃斯特凡的演唱会兼♥职♥保安
He moonlights where Estefan's playing tonight.
你们到时候入口见
He'll meet you by the stage door.
谢谢你帮杰圆了谎
Thank you for fixing Jay's lies.
我们都对说出实话感到棘手
We all struggle with the truth.
就像上周四我帮你把杰拖在俱乐部
like last Thursday when I stalled Jay at the club
好让你有时间把乔弄出狗门
so you could get Joe out of the doggy door.
她不小心把我俩锁门外了 而瓦斯炉又没关
She locked us out, and the stove was on.
-至于你们两个 -你有认识人能帮忙吗
- And you two. - You know a guy at a club that can help us?
没有 你们多谈谈就行了
No. Just talk more.
你们9成的问题
90% of your problems would be solved
都只需要多谈谈就能解决
if you just discussed things.
家里的范德考夫沙发是山寨货
The Vanderkoff is a knock-off.
我不小心把山寨货烫出了个洞
I burnt a hole in the knock-off,
所以买♥♥了个新的真品替换
and I had replaced it with a real one.
好了 所有问题都解决了
Okay, everything's settled here.
我觉得牛排好了 我们去吃饭吧
I think the steaks are ready. Let's go eat.
看来我们的儿子
Well, I guess our son
今年是不会去上大学了
isn't going to college this year.
是啊 而我们本来应该很担心他
I know, and I know we're supposed to be worried about him.
但你看到他刚才做的了吗
But do you see what he just did,
他怎么帮大家解决问题
how he solved everybody's problems like that?
还挺厉害的吧
It's pretty incredible, right?
他是个邓菲家的好男儿啊 克莱尔
That's a Dunphy man, Claire --
足智多谋 临危不乱
resourceful, cool,
以及恰到好处的随机应变力
and just the right amount of savoir faire.
我... 我们厨房♥见
I'll, uh -- I'll see you in the kitchen.
所以这是真的范德考夫沙发啊
So this is a real Vanderkoff.
对啊 从这秘密中解放出来太爽了
Yeah, yeah. Feels good to finally be free of that secret.
对啊 把事情都摊开来说感觉太好了
Yeah, it's just... great to have everything out in the open.
是啊
Yeah.
那边你买♥♥来送我的名贵油画
That expensive painting you bought me over there,
我移♥动♥他是为了挡墙上我弄出来的洞
I moved it to cover up a hope I made in the wall.
我是在人家二手拍卖♥♥的时候花2毛5买♥♥的
I only paid 25 cents for that painting at a garage sale.
剩下的钱我拿去买♥♥鞋了
I used the rest of the money on shoes
我有做电流除毛 不然我胡子会长到这
I get electrolysis. My beard grows up to here.
我其实不会跳排舞
I don't really know how to line dance,
所以我教你的时候 那些牛仔都在笑你
and that's why those cowboys laught at you when I taught you.
-那不是拉里 -那不是拉里
- That's not Larry - That's not Larry.
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