摩登家庭
Modern Family S08E07
Part 3
Nov. 28, 2019, 11:51 a.m.
* Are we having fun? Why, yes, of course *
够了 我要走人了
That's it! I'm out of here!
我要去药房♥买♥♥点阿司匹林
I need some aspirin. I'm going to a pharmacy.
我也去 没什么理由
I'm coming too. No reason.
这年头抛下家人貌似是不需要理由的
Apparently, you don't need a reason to leave your family.
我也去 我的方便面和抗抑郁药不够了
I'll go too. I'm out of ramen and Xanax.
这是什么情况
What's happening?
我们天气预报圈里管这叫
This is what we in the weather game
"高压[力]系统"
refer to as a "High-pressure system."
此情此景让我想起
This reminds me of the time
我撞见你边看《壮志凌云》边"撸黄油棍"
I walked in on you watching "Top Gun".
你别再提起那件事了
You need to stop telling that story.
无论你对小卡做了什么
Whatever you did to Cam,
肯定没糟到那份上
it can't have been that bad.
也肯定不值得你这么牺牲
And it is not worth this.
也许你是对的 也许我过于担忧了
Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm worrying too much.
没错
You are.
我把小卡的费兹波小丑服送人了
I gave Cam's Fizbo costume away.
我的天 这里即将发生灭门惨案
Oh, my God, he's gonna kill everyone in the house.
当时卡车已经到了 各种纸箱子混在一起
The truck was here, and there were so many boxes,
你也知道我一扔旧货就会兴奋得昏了头
and you know how excited I get about a deduction.
听我说
Listen to me.
他不会相信那只是意外的
He's not going to believe that this was an accident.
你永远永远不能告诉他
You can never, ever tell him.
他会发现衣服不见了的
He's gonna know it's missing.
屁大点活动他都要拿出来穿
I mean, he pulls it out for everything.
生日派对 早午餐 高温瑜珈
Birthday parties, brunches, hot yoga...
我得等到时机对了再说
I-I need to wait for the right moment.
时机永远也不会对的
There's not gonna be a right moment.
每当我抱着小猪崽
Hey, ain't nothing in the world that can get me down
这世上再也没有什么能把我打倒了
when I'm holding a little piglet.
看看她
Look at her!
是时候了 亲爱的
It's time. Sweetie?
-不要 -不要什么
- Don't do it. - Don't do what?
我需要你坐下听
I need you to sit down for this.
坐在草包上
Take a bale.
想想孩子们
Think of the children.
莉莉 德怀特
Lily, Dwight.
我把菲茨宝送人了
I gave Fizbo away.
-什么 -我知道那套衣服对你意义深远
- What? - I know how much that costume meant to you,
我真的非常非常抱歉
and I am so, so sorry.
这需要好好消化
Well, it's a lot to process.
我理解人难免会犯错
I know. Accidents do happen.
而且我正抱着一只小猪崽
And I am holding a little piglet.
我原谅你了
I forgive you.
如果你们不介意的话 我要去油炸火鸡了
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a turkey to deep fry.
给 抱着康纳
Here. Hold Connor.
-不...好吧
- No, I... Okay.
我嫁给了这个星球上
I married the sweetest,
最温柔最善解人意的男人
most understanding man on the planet.
或者他对你做了甚至更糟糕的事情
Or he did something even worse to you
只想让你有个好心情
and wants to get you in a good mood.
不会的
No.
肯定是
Yes!
你不用遮住你的脸
You don't have to cover your face.
我不在乎小卡教练说的传染性接吻病
I don't care what Coach Cam says about mono.
而且你的可爱我没抵抗力
You're way too pretty.
别这么说
Oh, no.
我有些受宠若惊
I mean, listen, I'm flattered,
但虽然你长这么 那么高
but even though you are so, so tall
你还在上高中 而我
you are in high school and I'm...
超美
Very beautiful.
好吧
Well...
我本来要说上大学 但还是谢谢你
I was going to say, "in college," but thanks.
别这样 天哪
Stop it, oh, my God!
爸爸要把我逼死了
Ugh! Dad is killing me.
他企图让我感到愧疚然后不去卡波
He's trying to guilt trip me out of going to Cabo.
他什么时候才能让我过自己的生活
When is he gonna let me live my own life?
也许等你不再住在他的地下室
Maybe when you stop living out of his basement
不再吃他的东西时
and eating all of his food.
你说得对 我就是受害者
You're right. I am a victim.
我该买♥♥这个迷你漱口水给海莉
I should get this tiny mouthwash for Haley.
这是抛弃家人去旅行装
It's the abandon-your-family travel size.
我的天
Oh, dear God.
我知道 炸玉米粒 这时候在买♥♥♥一♥送♥一♥
I know -- Corn Nuts, two-for-one sale.
我感觉上帝在对我竖中指
I feel like God's giving me the middle finger.
不 那是我妻子的离婚律师
No. That's my wife's divorce lawyer.
真不敢相信
I can't believe it.
那个混♥蛋♥也是我前妻的律师
That bastard was my ex's lawyer.
你在开玩笑吗
Are you kidding me?
我打赌他是来这买♥♥超小号♥避孕套
I bet he's here to buy some extra-small condoms,
需要找药剂师买♥♥的那种
the kind that they keep behind the counter.
少啰嗦
Shut up.
我一直做梦他快要渴死在沙漠里
I keep having this dream that he's dying of thirst
然后我开车撞飞他
in the desert, and I hit him with my car.
-我以为你已经走出来了 -我本来也以为
-I thought you were over it. -I thought I was.
趁我的手铐还没炸开 我们快走吧
Let's get out of here before my cuff explodes.
他已经毁了我的家庭
Yeah, he already ruined my family.
我不想他再毁了我的感恩节
I don't want him to ruin my Thanksgiving too.
不
No.
我们哪也不去
We're not going anywhere.
是时候有人站出来
It's time someone stood up
对抗那些堂而皇之闯进我们生活
to the weasels who sweep into our lives,
破坏我们家庭
break up our families,
带走我们挚爱去卡波的黄鼠狼了
and take our loved ones to Cabo.
我感觉你在把事扯到自己身上 但你说得对
I feel like you're making this about you, but you're right.
你知道我什么时候开始有高血压的吗
Do you know when my high blood pressure started?
从我遇到那个人开始
When I met that guy.
这时候是不是该有人说 "把他拿下"
Is this when someone's supposed to say, "Get him!"
-不 -你把他按住
- No. - You hold him down.
我来用这只矫形鞋打他
I'm gonna beat him with this orthopedic shoe.
-来吧 -我们别想出第一个主意就行动啊
- Come here! - Let's not lock into our -- our first idea.
我爱你 山羊先生
I love you, Mr. Goat!
你看 乔
Aw, you see, Joe?
听妈妈的话 现在你就有新朋友了
You listen to Mommy, and now you have a new best friend.
什么
What?
你冷 我去给你拿条毯子
You're cold? I'll go get you a blanket!
如果他是去给猪拿毯子
Well, if he was going to get the pig a blanket,
你们知道应该怎么称呼吗
you know what that would be called.
猪包毯吗
Pig in a blanket?
一种以香肠为主菜的配菜佳肴 状似热狗面包
这哏我算喂到你嘴边了
Okay, I teed that one up for you.
好了 该炸火鸡了
All right, it's time to fry this turkey.
你俩谁能来帮我把防溅护目镜放下来
Somebody please lower my splatter goggles, boys?
叫你呢
You heard him.
你去
You do it.
你又不是放眼镜主席 随便使唤人
You're not the president of goggle lowering.
如果有办投票我就能当
I would be if they took a vote.
小卡能做错什么呢
What could Cam have done?
也许是他出轨了
Maybe he's the one who's having an affair.
我在杂♥志♥上看过出轨征兆
I saw a list of clues in a magazine.
他最近有没有加健身房♥会员或者买♥♥性感内衣
Has he joined a gym or bought sexy new underwear recently?
很感谢看得起我们
I think it's sweet that you think
觉得我们还有余力出轨 但我们真的很累
we're capable of having an affair, but we're just so tired.
好了各位
All right now, boys,
一定要像这样轻轻地慢慢地放下去
the key is you drop it nice and gentle like.
接吻病
Mono!
脱缰之羊
Runaway goat!
你是想躲去畜棚吧
Aw, you wanted to run to the barn!
我来反转一下这个悲伤的故事
Let me put a positive spin on this.
谁喜欢吃羊肉
Who here likes goat?
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