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Modern Family S08E12

Part 1 Nov. 28, 2019, 11:51 a.m.

垃圾垃圾
Crap. Crap.
辣鸡腊鸡
Crappacino. Charlie Craplin.
在哥伦比亚如果有老头开始朝着信件吼
In Colombia, when the old man starts yelling at the mail,
我们就把他放到沙洲上等大浪送他归西
We put them on a sandbar and wait for the tide to come in.
迪尔加多遇到了情人节的两难选择
Well, Delgado's got a doozy of a Valentine's dilemma.
我发了短♥信♥试探两个妞
I texted out feelers for two dates.
维琪·卢是我的首选但是亚历克莎·波茨
Vicky Noh is top choice, but Alexa Potts has been doing
最近走坏女孩风也让我挺心动
this bad-girl thing lately I'm into.
所以等待卢答应的同时
So, while I wait for a yes from Noh,
我要把波茨留在候补位置
I've got to keep Potts on the back burner.
要命了他还在唧唧歪歪吗
Oh, my God. Is it still talking?
杰你真没礼貌
Jay, that's so rude!
他总是想太多
He overthinks everything.
只要坏女孩有机会你上就对了
If you have a shot at the bad girl, jump.
我也说不准
I don't know.
她有个继父
She has a stepdad who
只关注她性感的姐姐
only pays attention to her hot older sister.
我会亲自帮你拨电♥话♥给她
I will dial the phone for you.
乔的学校打电♥话♥来说他惹麻烦了
That was Joe's school. He's in trouble.
我们得去跟老师见面
We need to go meet with the teacher.
他搞了什么事
What the hell did he do?
他打劫银行并挟持了18个人♥质♥
He robbed a bank and took 18 hostages.
我哪知道啊快走吧
How would I know? Let's go.
没戏了
It's a no-go.
亚历克莎今晚想在大浴缸泡澡
Alexa wanted to use the hot tub tonight,
但她貌似找不到泳衣没衣服穿
but apparently can't find her bathing suit.
如果你回家时身上没有淡啤酒味和池水氯味
If you don't come home smelling of light beer and chlorine,
你就不用回来了
Do not come home at all.
亲爱的
Uh, honey?
情人节快乐我的爱
Happy Valentine's day, my love!
谢谢
Oh, thank you. Ooh.
我好喜欢这个这是什么啊
I love this. What is it?
当年我们初吻时就坐在这个门廊秋千上
It's the actual porch swing where we had our first kiss.
-不会吧 -你看看
- No. - Check it out.
25年前在后面刻的字还在呢
The carvings are still on the back from 25 years ago.
天啊 "菲尔爱克莱尔"
Oh, my gosh. "Phil hearts Claire."
亲爱的这个放在我们家门廊上一定很赞
Oh, honey, this is gonna look so great out on our porch.
真不敢相信你把它弄回来了
I can't believe you did this.
没什么啦
It was nothing.
不过是打了几个电♥话♥ 开了半天的车
I made a few calls, drove half a day...
喝了点酒跟有咸猪手的同志房♥东讨价还价
..had campari and haggled with a handsy gay landlord,
接着拆解这秋千装上货车
took the swing apart, loaded it in a van,
结果车在沙漠里没油了
ran out of gas in the desert,
还被一个可疑的州警骚扰
got harassed by a shady state trooper,
最后忍♥着剧烈的偏头痛开回家
and drove back with a blinding migraine.
反正是小菜一碟啦
But easy-peasy.
我超喜欢的
I love it.
敲敲门情人节快乐
Knock, knock. Happy Valentine's day
或是我称之为"最适合去逛超♥市♥的一晚"
or, as I call it, "The best night to go to the grocery store."
这是你的情人节礼物
And here is your valentine's gift.
我亲手在办公室包装的
I wrapped it myself in the office,
然后像个傻子一样把礼物忘在那了所以...
And then, like a dingdong, I left it there, so...
闪闪惹人爱啊
Whoa, sparkly.
跟你一样所以我才选这张包装纸
Just like you. That's why I picked the wrapping.
-绝对是她选的 -拆开看看吧
- She sure did. - Yeah. Go ahead.
克莱尔我好像猜到这是什么了
Claire, I think I know what this is.
真不敢相信你送我这个
I can't believe you did this.
可不是嘛
I know, right?
你送我的是一块旧手表
You got me an old watch.
-很酷吧 -太酷了
- Pretty cool, right? - So cool.
我喜怒不形于色功力很高
I've got a crazy-good poker face,
但其实我并不喜欢那块手表
but I didn't love the watch.
我之前一直强烈暗示她
I'd been dropping these big hints
哈里·胡迪尼著名魔术师逃脱艺术家
我想要胡迪尼的真品手铐
about a pair of genuine Houdini handcuffs
我们当地魔术用品店里在打折
on sale at a local magic shop.
是他1923年著名的眼镜蛇棺材逃脱表演里用过的
They're from his famous coffin of cobras escape of 1923.
那套戏法实在太震撼了
The trick was so shocking
姑娘们看了都自然开始分娩
that women went into spontaneous labor
汉子们看了都开始疯狂对打
and the men paired off in violent fighting.
表好像不会动
I, uh, don't think it's working.
我觉得吧
Oh, well, I mean,
我虽然是第一次看到这块表
I'm just seeing this watch for the first time,
但它好像有自动上发条机制
But it looks like it's got a self-winder.
-你只要动动手臂... -没错
You just move your... Yeah.
给表上发条了它才会动
...arm around to keep it going.
我该走了
I should probably get going.
我母亲在卡车里等我
Mother's waiting in the truck...
她的耐心很有限
...And she's patient until she isn't.
我也该去上班了
Oh, and I've got to get to work, too,
得赶在那些单身妹子前开工
before all the single gals show up.
要不然等她们在洗手间大哭往墙上砸
It's pretty hard to concentrate with all the bathroom crying
吃了一半的巧克力时就很难集中精神工作了
and the half-eaten chocolates getting hurled at the wall.
-工作顺利 -我会的
- Have a good one. - I will.
花很漂亮啊
Wow. Those are nice.
是啊在前廊发现的
Yeah, they were on the front porch.
是一个神秘的仰慕者送的
They're from a mystery admirer.
卡片写着"你不知道自己的魔力"
The card says, "You don't know your power."
这是我的错
Oh, that's my bad.
我之前穿着拉拉队短裤
I was power-washing the flagstones
-使劲在洗石板路 -花是送给我的
- in my old cheer shorts -- - They're for me.
别问我是谁送的
Yeah, don't ask who they're from,
因为我也不知道但我会找出那个人
because I don't know, but I will find out.
你手臂怎么了
What happened to your arm?
我在给这块旧表上发条
Oh, I am winding an old watch
是你妈妈送给我的情人节礼物
that your mother gave me for Valentine's day.
挺不对等啊你可是送了她这么赞的秋千
Oh. That's pretty uneven. You gave her this awesome swing.
妈妈到底从哪里捡到你这个暖男
Man, where did mom find a guy as sweet as you?
其实是她开车撞到我
Actually, she hit me with her car
我当时正在肯德基的停车场跳霹雳舞
when I was break-dancing in a KFC parking lot.
再说你妈妈也不是不浪漫
And your mother's not unromantic.
她只是最近工作很忙
She's just been busy with work lately.
反正你们的确也结婚25年了
Well, you've been married for like 25 years.
这话什么意思
What's that supposed to mean?
你们俩之间的浪漫火花
You guys are overdue for the romance
老早前就该熄灭了
to fizzle out a little bit.
不知名的跟踪狂给你送了
Oh, well, it's nice to know that some dime-store posies
一束便宜的花
from an unnamed stalker have
你就瞬间变成情感专家了吗真不错
made you an expert on matters of the heart.
其实你妈妈还是有浪漫细胞的
It so happens that your mother is still very romantic,
等我今天下午去她办公室送惊喜
which I will prove with a surprise visit
就能证明给你看
to her office this afternoon.
我来猜猜看你在屋里拼好秋千
Let me guess -- you built this inside
而你没事先量过门的高度
and didn't measure the door?
卡片说得对你不知道自己的...
Card was right. You don't know your own power...
毒舌魔力
to be mean.
谢谢你来帮忙
Thank you so much for helping us out.
反正雷纳要上班
Ah, yeah. Rainer has work, anyways.
他情人节这天
He does this Valentine's day thing
-都会用雷达追踪丘比特 -好有爱
- where he tracks cupid on the radar. - Aww, cute.
莉莉今天能晚点睡觉
Oh, and Lily gets to stay up a little later tonight
因为她在学校做了一件勇敢的事
because she had a big-girl moment at school.
没错有个男生杰格这歌♥名也能当名字了
Yes, this boy Jagger -- 'cause that's a name now --
嘲笑她她当着大家的面教训了他一顿
teased her and she told him off in front of everybody.
我们为你感到骄傲因为你用自己的话教育了他
And we're proud of you because you used your words.
她用的是我们的话我们给她写过一段话
She used our words. We wrote her a little speech.
她狠狠地用来给那孩子上了一课
She really told that kid off good.
我们的社会教导女性要谦逊
Our society encourages women to be unassertive,
所以我们要想尽办法让莉莉更强大
so we need to do everything we can to -- to really empower lily.
我们虽然不追求女人
We may not get women,
但这恰恰让我们更理解女性