摩登家庭

Modern Family S08E15

Part 1 Nov. 28, 2019, 11:51 a.m.

-你好小卡 -路易丝你怎么来了
- Hey, Cam. - Louise, what are you doing here?
你不会是不来
You're not dropping out of the
参加今晚的比赛了吧
league championship tonight, are you?
路易丝不来参加比赛了吗
Louise is dropping out of the league championship?
你又开枪打中了自己的腿吗
Did you shoot yourself in the leg again?
天啊我和我的第一个体育奖杯之间
Oh, my God, we're one win away
只隔着一场胜利的距离
from my first sports trophy,
结果发生了这种破事
and then this happens.
我只说了"你好小卡"而已
All I said was "Hey, Cam."
今年我邀请了米奇尔
So, this year, I invited Mitchell
参加我的同性恋保龄球队小甜甜·击倒你队
to join my gay bowling team -- the Britney Spares.
队名是我想的队服是我设计的
I came up with the team name, I designed the shirts.
-是啊 -谁得到荣誉并不重要
- Yeah. - It's not important who gets the credit.
我们刚开始时我的保龄球技烂透了
When we first stated, my bowling was, um -- well, it was iffy.
但我一直练习
But then I practiced and I practiced
直到球馆租鞋的人说我"挺像样"
until the shoe-rental guy called me "Decent."
我不是作为队员来的
I'm not here as a teammate.
-而是来办警♥察♥公务的 -什么
- I'm here on official police business. - What?
拜托告诉我这不是你
Please tell me that is not you.
那是什么
What is that?
不
Oh, no.
不不不
No, no, no.
那是菲茨宝
Hmm. That's Fizbo...
-是啊 -戴着可怕的面具
- Mm-hmm. - ...with a scary mask.
-很明显不是我 -不是他
- That's clearly not me. - It's not him.
不谁会做这种事啊
No! Who would do that?
谁会把这么美好的东西
Who would take something so beautiful
变得这么丑恶
and turn it into something so ugly?
那人怎么拿到那套小丑服的
How did the guy get the costume?
谁知道
Oh, who knows?
你二爸把它捐给了慈善机构
Your father gave it to charity.
是意外
By accident.
我怎么没听到这场吵架
How did I not hear that fight?
我当时在家吗
Was I in town?
那好吧结案了
All right, then, uh, case closed.
今晚见
I'll see you guys tonight.
什么怎么能就此"结案"
What? No "Case closed."
我们还没找到罪犯呢
We haven't even found the perp!
听着我跟进这个案子的唯一原因
Look, the only reason I was following up on this
就是因为我觉得这可能是你
is 'cause I thought it might be you.
但我们得拿回我的小丑服
Well, yeah, but we have to get my costume back.
帮菲茨宝恢复名誉
We have to restore Fizbo's good name.
但是我们还要去打保龄球的对吧
Oh, but we're -- we're still gonna go bowling, right?
你捐了我心爱的第二人格
You give away my beloved alter ego,
还不肯给我30秒
and you won't even allow me 30 seconds
让我有情绪反应吗
to have an emotional reaction?
我说那句话时就觉得没过脑子
Yeah. No, it sounded fast as I was saying it.
现在是最后一块
And now for the finishing touch.
给弗兰克的弗兰克牌巧克力塔
Franks for Frank!
我爸的单身派对一定会超赞
Dad's bachelor party's gonna be epic.
你看不出来所以击掌
You couldn't see it. That's why -- boom!
鸡肉卷白葡萄酒软糕
Chicken wraps, white wine, fudge.
这是单身汉派对
Is this a bachelor party
还是女人坐着看相亲节目《单身汉》的派对
or a party where ladies sit around watching "The Bachelor"?
你为什么给我订XXXL的衣服
And why did you get me a triple-XL?
衣服上写着"我老实跟你说/让我当弗兰克"
导购说洗后会缩水
The lady said it'd shrink in the wash.
-它在垃圾堆里会怎么样 -杰
- How's it gonna do in the trash? - Jay.
开玩笑的我会用它来当洗车布
Kidding. I'll use it to wash my car.
我爸爸要跟我儿时保姆洛林结婚了
My dad is marrying my old babysitter Lorraine,
而她有个儿子
who has a son,
也就是说我终于要有弟弟了
which means that I am finally getting a brother!
我小时候好想要个弟弟
When I was young, I wanted a brother so much,
我父母给我买♥♥了双层床
my folks got me bunk beds.
晚上我会装作我弟弟睡在上层并跟他聊天
At night, I'd pretend he was up there and talk to him,
他不回答我时我就想着
and when he didn't answer back, I always just figured,
"马蒂又闹脾气了"
"Well, Marty's in a mood again."
请问这里供应螃蟹[服务坏脾气的人]吗
Excuse me. Do you serve crabs here?
我们为任何人提供服务
We serve anyone.
笑话变老哏是因为它们真的好笑对吧
Jokes only get old because they're good, right?
说得很好
Nailed it.
菲尔这是雷
Phil, this is Ray.
看来我们要成为兄弟了
Wow. I guess we're gonna be brothers.
来吧
Bring it in.
不怎么回事
Oh! No. Oh! What's happening?
我们是兄弟兄弟不都这样吗
We're brothers! Isn't this what brothers do?
我不知道但我喜欢
I don't know, but I love it!
这人想摸我的小鸡鸡
This guy totally tried to touch my ding-dong.
我都不知道这是那种派对
I didn't know it was that kind of party.
因为你没看见娘炮的白葡萄酒和软糖吧
I guess you didn't see the white wine and fudge.
白葡萄酒那可掰不弯我
White wine? That's not gonna get me there.
只有我觉得我今晚
Am I the only one who sees me
会把那家伙掐死吗
choking that guy out tonight?
我不知道
I don't know.
我觉得雷挺不错
I got a good feeling about Ray,
而他对我也挺"激烈"的
and I-I felt a lot of him.
他只是一路坐车过来憋坏了
He's just a little wound up from the drive.
你肯定会发现他是个良好市民的
I'm sure you'll find he's a real solid citizen.
走廊对面的傻瓜没关门
The sap across the hall left his door open.
那是我的房♥间
That's my room!
看来我得把这瓶药还给你了
Oh. So, I guess you'll need these.
在我们开始前谢谢大家
Before we start, thanks for agreeing
同意来读我的最新剧本
to do this read through of my latest play,
《深秋满月下的讽刺告别》
"A withering farewell under a harvest moon"...
朗朗
So catch-
冒号♥ 《天使之泪》
...Colon, "The tears of angels."
-朗朗上口 -是吧
- So catchy! - Right?
故事讲的是四个女人为了
It's a story of four women who come together
哀悼逝去的一家之主而相聚
to mourn the loss of the family patriarch.
不太悲伤了实在太悲伤了
Oh, no. So sad, so very sad.
慢慢来疯婆子我们还没开始呢
Pace yourself, crazy. We haven't even started.
有人去世了克莱尔
A man died, Claire.
虚构的人
A fake man,
如果他是家族大家长那就是虚构的老头子
and if he was a patriarch, he was a fake old man,
老头子死了
And old men die.
这个想法
Surely, this is a thought
肯定时不时浮现在你的脑海中对吧
that has occurred to you from time to time, huh?
请别把我牵扯进来
Please don't make me part of this.
无论如何读完后
Anyway, when it's over,
尽管分享你们的看法
feel free to share your thoughts --
你们喜欢的喜爱的部分
what you liked, what you loved,
但也要分享负面看法
but also the negatives --
你们看不懂的部分不认识的字
What went over your head, any words you didn't know.
我要把最新剧本投稿到青年剧作家文化节
I'm submitting my latest play to a young playwrights festival,
但我想先听人读一遍
but I want to hear it out loud first
以确保所有情感都写到位了
to be sure I've hit all my emotional marks.
或许有人会问 "为什么全是女性角色"
One might ask, "Why all female characters?"
姑且说是懂什么写什么吧
Let's just say, write what you know.
等等为避免歧义我是了解女性
Wait. To clarify, I understand women.
不是自我认同为女人
I don't feel like I am one.
110页吗
110 pages?
我们要读到几点才能走啊
What time are we supposed to get out of here?
亲爱的难不成今晚帅哥有约吗
Oh, honey, you got a hot date tonight?
妈别这么刻薄别理她
Mom, don't be mean. Ignore her.
其实我还真交了个男朋友
I actually am in a relationship,
但我一直瞒着所有人
but I've been hiding it from everybody
因为这次我又选了一个
because I have once again chosen somebody
特别不合适的交往对象
that is completely inappropriate.
他叫本年纪比较大
It's this older guy -- Ben.
他为我妈工作还和他妈住在一起
He works for my mother, and he lives with his mother.
我总像个扑火的飞蛾