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然后就这样
and voilà!
就这样
Voilà!
如果你需要更多燃气 斯普朗先生 你可以用屁迪逊
If you need more gas, Mr. Sprang, you could use Fartison.
来吧 给我们个响的 屁迪逊
Come on. Give us a wicked one, Fartison.
天啊 那只是四年级时的一个小屁
Christ, it was one little fart in the fourth grade.
看在上帝的份上 让这事过去吧你们
For the love of Pete! Everybody, let it go already!
怎么 卡罗丽娜那天还阴吹了呢
What? Carolina queefed the other day
怎么没人叫她阴吹丽娜
and nobody's calling her "Queefolina."
我们现在会这么叫了
We will now.
你最好别乱叫我朋友 卢克
Better watch what you call my friend, Luke,
不然我们就开始叫你卢克
or we'll start callin' ya Luke,
- 那个自己妈妈和垃圾工人上♥床♥的卢克 - 去你的吧
- whose mother is fuckin' a garbage man. - Fuck you.
公共卫生是一个很好的政♥府♥工作 而且 那根本不押韵
Sanitation is a good government job. Besides, it doesn't even rhyme.
好了好了 我们闹够了
All right, all right. We've had our fun.
屁迪逊 额 麦迪逊
Fartis... Uh. Madison.
麦迪逊 上来当我的助手
Madison, come up here and be my assistant.
好了
All right.
好了
All right.
把门打开 不然你就要再关三个月紧闭
Open the door, or you're grounded for three more months.
就像我有其他地方可去似的 去你的吧
Like I got any fuckin' place to go. Fuck you!
你到底怎么回事
What the fuck's the matter with you?
不能每次你想表现得
We can't keep leaving work
像个小孩一样时 我们就不工作了
every time you feel like acting like a goddamn baby
- 你喜欢吃住不离家是吗 - 很明显她喜欢吃
- You like eatin' and livin' in a house? - Clearly she likes eatin'.
你知道吗这次学校要开除你 为了什么 起外号♥
You know the school's expellin' ya this time. And over what? Name-callin'?
你是有多傻
How fuckin' dumb are you?
- 让那个该死的地方见鬼吧 - 你知道吗 这是我们的错
- Fuck that fuckin' place! - You know what? It's our fault.
我们该像教育她的兄弟一样教育她
We should've disciplined her like her brothers.
现在她成了个怪物
Now she's a fuckin' monster!
你敢用那个碰我 我就把你从窗户扔出去
You touch me with that, I'll throw you out the fuckin' window!
那个你两天前发小孩脾气打破的窗户吗
The window you broke two days ago with your last baby tantrum?
我不是个小孩
I am not a baby!
天啊 麦迪逊 我们对你做了什么糟糕的事 天啊
Christ, Madison! What did we do to you that was so bad? Jesus!
这玩意儿就是浪费时间
This is garbage.
我们在这里应该做些更好的事
We should do something better with our lives while we're here.
呵 你慢慢想吧
Hmm. You have fun with that.
我要做这个你何时会到达巅峰小测验了
I'm gonna take this "When Will You Peak?" quiz.
你会选星冰乐而不是卡布奇诺
You'd have a frappuccino over a cappuccino?
你怎么不继续想做些更好的事了
What happened to doing better with your life?
知道我什么时候会到达巅峰可能会有用
It might be practical to know when I'll peak.
有时间限制的任务我做的一直很好
I've always done very well with a deadline.
好了 这是我的前五个问题答案
Okay, these are my first five answers:
C
C.
C
C.
B
B.
额 D
Uh, D.
A
A.
好了
Okay.
你觉得自己是处于恋爱关系还是友谊关系
"How would you best describe your ships, relation-, friend-?
A 非常好
A, super awesome.
二 还行吧
B, sorta awesome.
三 不咋地
C, less awesome.
四 我独自一人在船上
D, I'm on a ship alone."
我只有你啦 但我不是独自一人 所以我选一
Well, I've only got you, but I'm not alone, so A.
非常可以
Super awesome.
我有个前任未婚夫跟我最好的朋友跑了
I have an ex-fiancé who ran off with my best friend.
我的父母基本不太忍♥受我
My parents mildly tolerate me.
三 不咋地
C, less awesome.
你如何描述你在职业生涯中的表现
"How do you describe your performance in your career?"
我的肥皂生意算吗
Does the soap business count?
反正也无所谓了 彻底没戏了
It doesn't matter either way. That's completely over.
我呢 本来只是一个
Well, I was but a simple mule
小小的毒贩子 然后成功了爬到了一家
who climbed the ranks to become a top trafficker
跨国犯罪团伙的顶级罪犯的位置
in a transnational criminal organization.
而且我还有手下
Plus, I got the girl.
所以我估计是 一 完美了
So I think that means A, nailed it.
- 好 最后一个问题 - 问吧
- All right, final question. - Mmm-hmm.
你感觉自己是成功者还是失败者
"Do you feel like a winner or a loser?"
我就先自作主张给你填上失败者了
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "loser" for you now,
一会我再给自己填
meaning "loser" for me later,
等我们分♥析♥这个令人反胃的测试的时候再说
when we're discussing and analyzing this quiz ad nauseam.
好了 根据结果 你得分最高 你现在在顶峰
All right, according to this... you are peaking right now.
什么 怎么可能
What? How?
我基本是一事无成啊 尤其是在监狱里
I've failed at absolutely everything, especially prison.
我不仅没有被监狱改造
Not only have I not been reformed by prison,
我觉得我还把监狱变得更烂了 我们现在身处一个更烂的监狱之中
I think I've actually made prison worse. We are now in a worse prison.
所以现在就是你从新再来的机会啊
So, now is your time to course correct.
我可以写一本回忆录
I could write a memoir.
一个警世预言 分享我的经历
A cautionary tale. Share my experience.
揭露体制的黑暗
Expose the system.
可以出版的
I could get a publishing deal.
- 怎么说 - 我已经过了顶峰逐渐衰败了
- What's it say? - I've peaked already.
我已经到了山的另一边 向下滑坡了 操
I'm on the other side of the hill, going down. Fuck.
我刚刚在想你马桶边的濒死经验
I've been thinking about your near-death by commode.
告诉我 你是不是跟中国人有什么过节
Now, tell me. Do you have any beef with the Chinese?
不对 这么说太大意了
No, wait. That's too sloppy for the MSS.
- 但是这不成立啊 - 你也以为我想自杀吗
- This just doesn't make any sense. - You think I tried to kill myself, too?
听我说 我告诉你啊 肯定是有别人或者别的其他东西
Look, I'm telling you. It was someone or something else.
你还想回到自杀椅上去吗
Do you want to go back in the suicide chair?
不不 不行 我不能再回去了
No. No, I can't. I can't go back in that thing.
我得在他们逼死我之前赶紧离开精神治疗科
I gotta get out of Psych before they make me commit suicide for real.
告诉我 是不是有人 或者其他的什么
Now, tell me. Is there somebody or something
想要知道你所 知道的
that wants to know what you... know.
对了 人头狮身龙又回来了
By the way, the manticores are back.
或者 等等
Or, wait...
如果有人或者有什么东西想让闭嘴
What if someone or something is trying to silence you
不想让你说你知道的事情 但你自己都不知道你知不知道呢
about something that you know, but that you don't know that you know?
我什么都不知道 好吗
I don't know nothing. Okay?
但我确实知道有人有理由想杀我
But I do know people have reason to want to kill me, though.
比如
Like, um...
格洛里亚 那个阴险的婊♥子♥ 还有那个告密的婊♥子♥布兰卡
Gloria, that sneaky bitch Gloria, and that snitch bitch Blanca,
还有那个白人婊查普曼 那个狱警婊麦考洛
that white bitch Chapman, that guard bitch McCullough.
那个怂逼婊卢沙克(
And that pussy bitch Luschek,
那些狱警人♥质♥婊和那些监狱里的婊们
the guard hostages bitches and bitches from camp.
还有那个女的 那个男的 什么的
And that girl... guy... Whatever,
爸爸婊和她所有D区的小婊♥子♥们
Daddy bitch and all her D-Block bitches.
- 啊 所以我们要找一个婊啊 - 对
- Oh! So, we're looking for a bitch! - Yes.
不 不是这样的
No, I... It's not about that.
听我说
Okay, look.
我脸朝下埋在马桶的水里面
I was face down in that toilet water,
我无法呼吸 我喊不出声来
and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't scream.
我想着 这回真完蛋了 你知道吧
And I thought, like, "This is really the end." You know, right?
然后我就放弃挣扎了 然后突然间我感觉
And then I just stopped fighting, and, all of a sudden, I felt...
好像很平和
like... at peace.
我不想死 为什么会感到平和
Why peace, when I'm about to die?
鲁伊斯
Ruiz!
我不要回自杀椅 我什么也没干
I'm not goin' back in that chair. I didn't do nothing.
就是
Right on!
你该去做精神评估了
Time for your psych evaluation.
别告诉她人头狮身龙的事情
Do not tell her about the manticores.
别说
Do not.
还有我有可能去有可能不去参加一个特殊任务
And I may or may not be going on a very special mission
有可能会涉及到也有可能不涉及到巴斯克分离主义运动
that may or may not involve the Basque separatist movement.
如果到时候我去参加任务了还没见到你 再见了 再见
So, if I do not get to see you before then, goodbye! Bye!
- 操 - 马♥勒♥戈壁
- Fuck. - Son of a bitch.
给我
Gimme.
我是绝对不会容许别人一边洗澡一边刷牙的
In no way do I condone brushing your teeth in the shower,
但我帮你是因为我们现在手都不利索
but I'm doing this so that you help a fellow cripple out.
帮我把这个系一下
Just across this and...
我为啥不能一边洗澡一边刷牙
Why the fuck can't I brush my teeth in the shower?
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