女子监狱

Orange Is the New Black S06E06

Part 4 Feb. 7, 2020, 12:33 p.m.

如何展现你最好的一面
how to look your best--
听着我们在YouTube上有很多疯狂的粉丝
Listen, we had mad followers on YouTube.
- 我只是不习惯这样没有那个 - 性感火♥辣♥的那个
- I'm just not used to doing it without--- The hot one, huh?
听收音机的时候性感火♥辣♥都在观众的想象里
It's, like, radio? Hot is in the mind on radio.
她的声音也更性感火♥辣♥
Well, her voice was hotter, too.
下一位
Next!
上一次来月经是什么时候
Last menstrual period?
呃
Uh...
我真的不太确定
I'm really not sure.
有很长一段时间了
It's been a while.
但是你知道的转到这边和暴♥乱♥事件造成了压力
But, you know, with the stress of moving down here and all the riot craziness,
我觉得月经有些紊乱了
I'm thinking, it's probably just a little off.
- 你42岁 - 你不必用那种语气说出来吧
- You're 42? - You don't gotta say it like that.
- 睡眠有问题吗 - 这里又不是什么安静的地方
- Any trouble sleeping? - This ain't the most tranquil place.
情绪不稳定吗
Mood swings?
我儿子本尼做了开颅手术谢天谢地他还活着
Well, my son Benny had brain surgery. He's alive and everything, thank God.
但后来发现我担负不起他的理疗费用
Then I find out that I can't afford his physical therapy,
所以可以说我的心情大起大落
so yeah, you could say that I am up and down.
性♥欲♥减退
Loss of libido?
我还是对自♥由♥更有欲望
It's in a field somewhere, giving my freedom a blow job.
这似乎是我身体发生变化的征兆
Look, it seems like all the symptoms of the change
也可能是被监禁造成的
could also be symptoms of being incarcerated.
嗯
Huh?
真有趣
That's interesting.
总之如果不做血常规
Uh, anyway, there's really no way to tell
就无法判断你是否绝经并且患上更年期综合症
if you're perimenopausal without running blood tests.
恐怕监禁的另一个特点
And I'm afraid another feature of incarceration
就是他们不允许我做血常规
is they won't allow me to do that.
你还可以留意一下其他的症状比如阴♥道♥干涩
Some other signs you can watch for are vaginal dryness
还有腹部的脂肪转移
and a redistribution of fat around your middle.
很好
Great.
你最好加强锻炼
The best thing you can do is exercise.
可以自然地调节你的荷尔蒙
It's a natural way to regulate your hormones.
隔壁并没有星球健身房♥
There ain't exactly a Planet Fitness next door.
你看过捅马蜂窝的女孩吗
Have you seen The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest?
在牢房♥里你可以做很多事情
There's a lot you can do in a cell.
哦还有要吃鹰嘴豆
Oh, and garbanzo beans.
我听说他们效果也不错
I hear they're good, too.
含植物雌性激素
Phytoestrogens.
哦天啊
Oh, God.
我怎么能受得了这个味儿
How am I smelling this?
这个味儿像狗屎一样我嘴里全是臭味儿
This shit stinks so bad I can smell it through my mouth.
别抱怨了奶酪天才快点干活
Come on, cheese whizzes. Get her done.
我倒是希望我能帮上忙但是你也知道胳膊不行啊
Wish I could help, but, uh, you know, the arm.
是啊懒病
Yeah, you know, the laziness.
那是什么门多萨
What's that, Mendoza?
她说我们失去这些工作很可惜
She said it's a shame we lost these jobs.
是啊一小时2美元总比白干1小时要好得多
Yeah. Uh, two dollars an hour is a lot more than no dollars an hour.
啊
Ugh.
也许我们可以接一些D区的维修工作
Maybe we can take some maintenance jobs from D-Block.
那边一小时12美分但也总比白干一小时好吧
It only pays 12 cents, but that's also more than no dollars an hour.
别在那儿抱怨了算个没完
Stop with the whining and the math.
该死的D区还有她们的狗屁工作
Fuck D-Block and their shitty jobs.
你知道我想要什么吗
You know what I want?
什么
What?
我想让她们的工作更烂
I want to make their shitty jobs even shittier.
我不骗你们我想让她们所有的东西都更烂
I shit you not, I want to make their shitty everything shittier.
我想让她们那里屎尿乱溅
Shit's about to shit the fan for those shit-for-brains Shit-Blockers.
她们都不会知道怎么会这么惨
They're not gonna know what shit 'em!
不她们会知道的
Yeah, they are.
这正是问题的关键
That's the point.
我们开干吧
Here we go.
谁自愿
I need volunteers
脱掉裤子然后在D区干净漂亮的制♥服♥上拉屎
to drop trou and shit on D-Block's nice clean unis.
我来吧
I'll do it.
谢谢你战士
Thank you, soldier.
其实没必要是全♥裸♥
The, uh, naked part is not really necessary.
这样我的原始冲动会更强烈
It gets me feeling more primal.
很好
Fair enough.
开普曼你也去拉一坨把你的皱眉舒展开好吗
Gapman! Why don't you, uh, turn that frown upside brown for me, will you?
不不你命令我我拉不出来
No. No, I can't shit on command.
有的人用力拉屎会引发致命的心律失常
Straining can trigger a fatal heart arrhythmia in some people.
- 猫王就是那样 - 拜托
- That's what happened to Elvis. - Please.
是中情局杀了猫王
The CIA killed Elvis.
就是
Just...
像凯特·莫斯说的那样
Like Kate Moss said,
没什么比拉屎更爽了
"Nothing tastes as good as shitting feels."
告诉你们
Tell you what.
任何不想在D区拉屎的人
Anyone who does not want to shit on D-Block
会得到坏迪逊的惊喜
gets a Badison Surprise.
- 是什么 - 你不会想要的
- A what? - You don't want it.
- 这是 - 这是给那些新人们的惊喜
- It's--- It's a fucking surprise for the cookies.
既然都知道了干嘛还在这傻站着
If you know all about it, why are you still standing there?
啊我觉得我们应该阻止她们
Ah, I think we should stop 'em.
要是D区发现了报复的话
When D-Block finds out, the retaliation...
可能会让很多人出局
That could potentially sideline a lot of players.
不过报复意味着会发生多起10分事件
Retaliation means multiple ten-point incidents, though.
可能有多到记不清事件而且有证人
Possibly too many to track, with witnesses.
广泛的暴♥力♥是有成本效益的
There's a cost-benefit of widespread violence.
可能并非最佳
It's potentially nonoptimal.
而且自从三年前的事件之后
Plus, there's no points for public defecation
在公共区域大小便就没有分了
after what happened three years ago.
是的但是她们中可能有人会哭然后揉眼睛
Yeah, but one of them might cry and rub her eyes.
啊细菌性结膜炎
Ah, bacterial conjunctivitis.
每个眼睛两分
At two points per eye...
要花好几天才能出现
It would take a few days to present...
我们在打一场持久战阿尔
I'm playing a long game, Al.
嘿你很漂亮你在干什么
Hey. You're pretty. What are you doing?
我正在锻炼我的盆骨为分娩做准备
I'm strengthening my pelvic floor to prepare for birth-giving.
就是挤压小妹妹
You know, squeezy chi-chi.
这有点好笑
That's kind of funny.
是这样我在为我的新广播节目找一个搭档
Listen, um, I'm looking for a cohost for my new radio show.
有人跟我一起做节目的话我会发会的更好
I really sparkle when I have someone to play off of.
我们可以谈谈如何在监狱里保持可爱
We could talk about how to keep it cute in prison.
完全正确在监狱里并不是弃疗的理由姑娘
Exactly. Being in prison is no excuse to let yourself go, girl.
或者我觉得我们可以谈谈时事
Or, I know, we could talk about current events,
比如为什么这么多出租车司机都戴着那种头巾
like, "How come so many cabbies wear those turbans?
他们藏着炸♥弹♥吗
Are they hiding bombs under there?
或者只是因为阿♥拉♥伯人油乎乎的头发
Or just really greasy Arab hair?"
- 呃 - 我的天啊
- Well, um--- Oh, my God.
这种事情我超擅长啊
I'm gonna be so good at this!
因为我的母语是英语
And because I am the native English speaker,
我可以承担大部分的聊天
I will do most of the talking.
现在看来我们观点不同
You know, now I'm thinkin' that we don't have the same vision.
好吧你知道谁会把广播站变得超棒吗
Okay, you know who'd be great on the radio, right?
是我
Me.
对不过
Right, but, uh...
还有我
also, me.
好吧我是看霍华德·斯特恩的节目长大的
Okay, I was raised on Howard Stern.
我的意识相当于锁在音响控制室
My consciousness is essentially half a dozen shock jocks
半打惊人杂谈的节目主持人
locked inside of a sound booth.
我是说我很完美
I mean, I'm perfect.
我觉得霍华德·斯特恩并不是我喜欢的类型
I don't think Howard Stern is really the style I'm going for.
啊为什么呢唯一有趣的想法是异端邪说
Ah, but why not? The only interesting ideas are heresies!
好吧如果你是那么想的话
Well, if you think that,
那么你完全低估了时尚小贴士和八卦的力量
then you're totally underestimating the power of fashion tips and gossip.
哎呦你在干什么把东西落在里面了吗
Ouch! What are you doing, did you lose something in there?
我一直在检查你的子♥宫♥
I am bimanually examining your uterus.
怎么样能养活一条小生命吗
How is it? Can it sustain life?
你多大了 38还是39 每个月都算哦
How old are you? 38, 39? Every month counts now.