女子监狱

Orange Is the New Black S06E05

Part 1 Feb. 7, 2020, 12:32 p.m.

大家好我还以为是第四个扔过来的屎袋
Hey, guys. I thought you were flaming shitbag number four.
天啊卢斯奇可你的整个车道都是屎
Ugh. Gosh. Slam it, Luschek! Your entire driveway is covered.
这简直是个噩梦
This is my nightmare.
小区的孩子把恶灵之夜提前一天了
Yeah. The neighborhood kids started Mischief Night a day early.
我被针对了因为我喜欢
I'm a target 'cause I like to
开车碾他们的滑板坡道
crush their skate ramps with my car.
-哇 -进来吧把鞋子脱了
- Whoa. - Come on in. Uh, take your shoes off.
我知道酒精是入门毒品所以给你拿了可乐
Hey, I know alcohol is a gateway drug, so I got you a Coke.
咖♥啡♥因♥也是入门毒品
Caffeine is also a gateway drug.
相信我你会需要它的
Trust me, you're gonna need it.
听阿尔瓦雷斯讲话很助眠的
Alvarez has a way of putting people to sleep.
各位请注意在我们开始选秀之前
Everyone, your attention please. Before we begin the draft,
我想先过一遍标准流程
I'd like to go over some standard operating procedures
还有对上一季的评分方式
as well as some adjustments to the
做出的一些改动
scoring paradigms since last season.
请看文件夹中第六页
Please refer to page six in the packet of your folders
以便做参考
in order to follow along.
我忘带文件夹了
Oh, I forgot my folder.
我们一起看亲爱的
We can share, honey.
跟以往一样所有累积分数的活动
As always, all point-earning events
必须由第三方狱警见证才能计分
must be witnessed by a third-party CO in order to be counted.
所有季中交易需得到你们长官我的许可
All mid-season trades must be approved by me, your commissioner.
还有我们对人为干扰采取零容忍♥态度
Also, we have a zero-tolerance policy for interference,
包含影响强迫
which includes influencing, coercing,
或操作囚犯的行为从而得分
or manipulating inmate behavior in order to earn points.
阿尔这儿的所有人都很诚实
Come on Al, we're all honest here.
至于计分调整性行为分类中
As far as scoring changes, in the sexual category,
女性之间的性♥交♥降到11分因为不算什么
scissoring has been bumped to 11 points because it's not a thing.
口♥交♥和手交均降到五分
Oral and digital sex have been bumped to five points each,
无论是攻还是受
giving or receiving.
Digital可指手指也可指数码
数码体♥位♥ 是说上网吗
Digital? Like cyber?
他的意思是手交
I think he means fingerbanging.
那牵手算吗
What about hand-holding?
-可以说是最亲密的行为了 -明年吧
- Arguably the most intimate act there is. - Uh, maybe next year,
可以加到情感分类中
in the emotional category.
催吐者的计分是每呕吐一次算一分
Bulimics are one point per vomit.
自杀加到20分未遂是加十分
Suicide has been pushed to 20, failed attempt, ten.
最后肢体冲突分类
And finally, in the physical category,
帮派争执现在是每囚犯十分
gang altercations, now ten points per inmate.
谋杀涨到30分被谋杀25分
Murder has been bumped to 30 points, murdered to 25.
越狱现在40分被重新逮捕还是五分
Escaped inmate is now 40 points, but a recapture remains at five.
怀孕是九分双胞胎加倍
Pregnancy is nine with twins as a multiplier, obviously.
现在文件夹的背后
Now, in the back of your folder,
有一份囚犯名单
you will find a list of inmate names
以及一份选秀清单
as well as a roster board for the draft.
这些铅笔很贵
These pencils are expensive,
所以请在散会的时候还给我
so please return them to me at the end of the evening.
或者我们可以用选秀之星
Or we could use FanDraft.
选秀之星是什么
What's FanDraft?
选秀之星
就是它我黑了软件输入了囚犯数据
Yeah. I hacked the software so I could input the inmate data.
灵感来了做事都惊人
Pretty amazing what you can accomplish in a flow state.
-我♥操♥ -这太棒了
- Fuck me! - That's awesome.
我想我们有新的活动主管了
I think we found ourselves a new commissioner.
全票通过吗
All in favor?
同意
Yeah.
他只是把我做的文件夹里的数据输入进去
All he did was input the data from the folder that I made.
对可这样好有未来感还有音乐
Yeah, but it's futuristic now. And there's music.
坐下好吗阿尔
Why don't you have a seat, Al?
抱歉阿尔你做得很好可我是个视觉类型的人
Sorry, Al. You had a good run, but I'm a visual learner.
试试这辣椒奶酪酱
You should try some of this chili cheese dip.
挺带感的
It's got a real kick.
*如果那钻戒变成铜*
*And if that diamond ring turns brass*
*妈妈给你买♥♥面镜*
*Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass*
*如果镜子摔碎掉*
*And if that looking glass gets broke*
*妈妈给你买♥♥小皮草*
*Mama's gonna buy you a nice fur coat*
-*如* -是‘山羊’不是‘皮草’
- *And if that...* - It's "billy goat" not "fur coat."
才不是小宝宝要山羊做什么
Uh, no, I don't think so. What would a baby do with a billy goat?
它们是不错的宠物
They actually make great pets.
尖叫声像人
Their screams sound like human screams.
很好笑的
It's very hilarious.
我跟你说我的宝宝会有皮草衣服的
Well, I can tell you that my baby is gonna have fur.
维尼我的丈夫
Vinnie, my husband,
他已经给宝宝准备小貂皮了
he's already got him a little mini mink.
他的表亲是皮草进口商
His cousin is an importer.
我家安德烈亚第一次怀孕时
You know, when my Andrea was pregnant the first time,
也经常失眠
ooh, she had terrible insomnia, too.
她怀了五个宝宝闹腾得她彻夜难眠
She had five babies inside her. Kept her up all night.
或许这是她吃了两个的原因吧
Probably why she ate two of them.
你刚说她吃了两个自己的宝宝吗
Did you just say she ate them?
只是两个刚开始我以为他们只是逃走了
Only two. At first I thought they just ran away,
后来我找到残肢
but then I found pieces.
这儿一只脚那儿一只耳朵我就明白了
Foot here, ear there. I get it.
当母亲是没回报的你想见见她吗
Being a mother is thankless work. Want to meet her?
通常我不会让你见的但她又怀孕了
Normally I wouldn't, but she's pregnant again.
或许你们能互相扶持
Maybe you can support each other.
它们在这儿
There you are.
天啊这好恶心
Oh, my God. That is disgusting.
恶心啥是生命啊既然你要生宝宝
Oh. Why? It's just life. If you're going to have a baby,
你最好还是习惯比这更恶心的相信我
you better get used to seeing much worse than this. Trust me.
白耳朵的是安德烈亚
The one with the white ear is Andrea.
那些抱着它的是它的孩子
And those are her kids cuddling with her.
我叫它们‘剩菜’
I call them the Leftovers.
这是个食物的玩笑
This is a food joke. Mmm.
我想它们即可爱
I guess they are kind of cute...
又恶心吧
in a disgusting way.
摸一下吧它们不咬人
Go on. They don't bite.
骗你的它们咬人的还特用力
Actually, that's a lie. They do bite. Really freaking hard.
当高级副总裁是有挑战性的
And senior vice president certainly comes with its challenges.
媒体的咄咄逼人是个噩梦
I mean, the press on this thing's been a nightmare.
更别说还得让大家合作
Not to mention getting everyone to cooperate.
幸运的是我以往有过挽救形象的经验
Luckily, I do have experience from my past in rescuing an image.
我们的姐妹会差点丢执照
Our sorority almost lost its charter.
这我信假发很不错
I bet. Love the wig, by the way.
谢谢真人头发世纪挑战公♥司♥赞助
Oh, thank you. Real human hair, courtesy of MCC.
我想让你摸摸
I'd let you touch it,
可监狱里那么多虱子小心点总没错
but with all the lice in the prisons, you can't be too careful.
我平时不爱喝梅洛酒但这纳帕山谷很不错
I'm not normally a merlot girl, but this Napa Valley is gorgeous.
确定不要尝一点吗
Sure you don't want some?
有什么具体的事要对我说吗
Was there something specific you wanted to talk to me about?
还是你下班后叫我来只是为了品酒
Or did you call me in after hours for a wine tasting?
娜塔利我叫你进来
Uh, look, Natalie, I called you here
是因为我想有个好的开始
because I wanted to get started on the right foot.
我不想成为那种
I don't wanna be one of those bosses
对女下属残忍♥又高高在上的老板
who's cruel and condescending to her female subordinates.
我想与世纪挑战公♥司♥有个积极的合作关系
I would like to foster a positive working relationship with MCC,
而不是像你的前任
not the contentious one
乔·卡普托那样时常引起争执
that your predecessor, Joe Caputo, was so committed to.
我不是乔
Well, I'm not Joe.
他和我我们处理事情的方式很不一样
We approach things very differently, he and I.
很好那个男人是个巨大的拖累
Good, 'cause that man was a massive liability.
他的失职还导致了一场监狱暴♥乱♥
His incompetence led to a prison riot, for God's sake.
更别说他的道德标准或者说缺德
Not to mention his ethics, or lack of, I should say.
我知道他密谋让我在监狱里待了好几天
I know he conspired to keep me in the prison for days
他明知最后点人的时候多了一名囚犯
even though he knew there was an extra inmate in the final count.
其实最后点人的时候少了一个
Actually, the final count was one short
直到我们找到了逃犯常
until we found escaped inmate Chang,
当时她睡在中空的鹿尸里
sleeping inside a hollowed-out deer carcass.
那肯定是乔伪造了数字
Then Joe must have fudged the numbers,
不然我怎么会在俄亥俄州
because how else did I wind up in Ohio