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Modern Family S05E22
Part 3
Nov. 29, 2019, 12:32 p.m.
did you mean to send this text to your dad?
短♥信♥ 什么短♥信♥
Text? What does it say?
"抱歉打扰你打高尔夫 但是..."
"I hate to spoil your golf game, but..."
不是 我没发那条短♥信♥
Uh, no, no. I-I didn't send that.
肯定是你和爸爸说话时
Must have accidentally dictated
手♥机♥不小心听写了
when you and dad were talking.
好吧 奇怪了
Okay. That's weird.
正好我打给你了
Well, while I have you on the phone,
你能把刷碗机里的餐具拿出来
would you mind emptying the dishwasher and doing --
你那边的信♥号♥♥弱了
Oh, you're breaking up.
海莉 能听见我说话吗
Haley, can you hear me now?
听不见了 再见
Nope. Bye.
-大功告成 -跟你说了没问题吧
- Got it. - Told you we'd get it.
只需创造性地剪辑一下
Now just for a little creative editing...
你那么聪明
Your mind is so brilliant.
如果你把这份聪明用到学习上的话
If you put this much effort into your schoolwork,
你一定能成就...
there is no telling the things you could --
你为什么总是那么扫兴
Why do you have to ruin everything?
是啊 她总是在说我的"潜力"
I know, she's always talking about my potential.
当心
Fore!
你觉得我打到她了吗
Do you think I hit her?
没有 她没事
Nah, she's fine.
对不起 我今天太分心了
Sorry I'm so distracted today.
怎么了 哥们
What's wrong, buddy?
我问你件事
Let me ask you something.
你会不会有时候觉得
Do -- do you ever get the sense
你配不上你妻子
that your wife feels like she could have done better?
天呐 不会 她找到我算是三生有幸
God, no. Nah, she's the luckiest woman on earth.
非要说的话 是她配不上我
I mean, if anything, I could've done better.
那女人夜里发出的噪音
The noises that come out of that woman at night?
就好像她是《警♥察♥学校》里的那个黑人
It's like she's that black guy from "Police Academy."
说曹操 曹操就到
Oh, speak of the devil.
我老婆发来的信息
Message from my wife,
不是《警♥察♥学校》里的那个黑人
not the black guy from "Police Academy."
要真是他发的才给力呢
Oh, that'd be so awesome.
超给力的
That would be neat.
菲尔 我是克莱尔
Phil? Hey, it's Claire.
抱歉打扰你打高尔夫球 但是...
Um, I hate to spoil your golf game, but...
我怀孕了
I'm pregnant!
什么
What?
我们尽快谈谈吧
Let's talk as soon as you can.
我得走了
I have to leave.
什么 我们正在打比赛呢
What? We're in the middle of a game.
我得去找克莱尔
I have to be with Claire!
我的球杆
Oh -- my clubs!
我的帽子
My hat!
我的三明治
My sandwich!
对不起我在里面崩溃了
I'm sorry I freaked out in there.
我们卖♥♥了多少钱
How -- how much did we get for it?
给你 我做不到
You know, here. I couldn't do it.
什么 不是吧
What? No.
这个皮带扣对你来说意义重大
This belt buckle means so much to you.
我决定...还是把我的漫画卖♥♥了
I'm just gonna -- I am going to sell my comic book instead.
米奇尔 你真是太贴心了
Oh, Mitchell, that is so sweet. You know --
一想到我要跟我爷爷与怀亚特·厄普
The idea of me parting ways with a belt buckle
掰手腕赢来的皮带扣说再见
that my grandfather arm-wrestled Wyatt Earp for --
他掰手腕赢了他吗
He arm-wrestled him?
是啊 但不是因为有争论才比赛
Oh, yeah, but not in a contentious way.
要知道他们是朋友
You know, they were friends.
我爷爷在一次火车劫案里救了他
My grandfather saved his life during a train robbery.
火车劫案 太惊人了
A -- a train robbery? That's -- wow.
小卡 这太惊人了
Cam, wow! Yeah.
他们关系很铁
They had a real bond.
伟大的怀亚特·厄普和诚实的亚伯·塔克
The great Wyatt Earp and honest Abe Tucker.
我心里知道 不拆穿
I have it, I'll store it,
必要时再拿出来说
and if I need to, I will use it.
这样吧 我放弃
You know what? I quit.
原谅我试图让他开眼界
Pardon me for trying to broaden his horizons.
不 不 你绝对不能放弃
No, no, no. You're not quitting anything.
你得把香肠吃了
You're going to eat your sausage,
而你得把你的酸黄瓜吃了
and you're going to eat your pickle.
我已经受够每天做两种饭了
I am tired of every day cooking two different meals.
不要番茄 只要白肉 多加培根
No tomatoes. White meat only. Extra bacon.
他能多吃培根 凭什么
He gets extra bacon? What the hell?
你们今天必须把这毛病改了
Today is the day you two are stopping this silliness!
我们今天都必须克服一些东西
Fine, we'll all conquer something today.
我有什么好克服的 我什么都吃
What do I have to conquer? I eat everything.
-抚摸斯黛拉的肚子 -什么
- Pet Stella's belly. - What?
你从来不摸斯黛拉的肚子
You won't touch Stella's belly.
因为感觉太奇怪了
Yeah, because it's the creepiest thing ever.
她有三十多个乳♥头♥
Has like 30 nipples.
我会把猪血肠吃掉
I'll eat the blood sausage,
曼尼会把酸黄瓜吃掉
Manny eats the pickles,
而你要抚摸她的肚子
you pet her belly.
我宁愿把狗吃了
I'd rather eat the dog.
别做个光说不练的人
Don't be a hypocrite.
要长长的爱抚 发自内心的
Nice and long, like you mean it.
我要看到她舒服得抖腿
I want to see that leg shake.
-我来拿吧 -发生什么事了
- Let me get these! - What's happening?
-我就是太高兴了 -真的吗
- I'm just so happy! - Really?
怎么 你一杆进洞了吗
Oh, did you finally get a hole in one?
一杆进洞
A hole in one.
我希望我们的宝宝也这么幽默
I hope our baby has your sense of humor.
-我们的什么 -我怎么没看出来呢
- Our what? - Why didn't I see it?
去药店 关节肿胀
The drug store, the bloated ankles,
你最近脾气也大了
you've been so moody lately...
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
你看这暴脾气
There it is.
菲尔 我没怀孕
Phil, I am not pregnant.
-你没有吗 -没有
- You're not? - No.
那你怎么跟我留言说怀孕了
Well, why'd you leave me that message?
我没有给你留过言
Didn't leave you a message.
你确定吗 你怀孕时忘性特别大
Are you sure? You're very forgetful when you're pregnant.
我觉得我能记得住
I think I would remember!
那你为什么最近脾气这么大
Then why have you been so moody?
大概是因为你刚刚说我关节肿大
Maybe because you just told me I have giant ankles!
我不希望宝宝听到我们吵架
Shh, I don't want him to hear us fight like this.
把东西给我
Give me this.
这会对大家都有好处
Okay. This is gonna be good for everybody,
所以赶快行动吧
So let's get it over with.
-好吧 -好吧
- Fine. - Okay.
我们数三下
We'll go on the count of three.
一
One...
二
Two...
三
Three.
不
Uh! Oh, no!
我要吐了
I'm gonna throw up!
怎么这么湿 杰 为什么
Why so moist, Jay?! Why?!
我们来的时机不对吗
Is this a bad time?
很抱歉我们来得这么突然
Sorry to barge in here like this.
感觉挺奇怪我还把东西放在这里
I guess it's weird that, uh, I'm still storing stuff here.
我希望你来得再早一点
I just wish you would have come in sooner
在我跟斯黛拉上二垒之前
before I went to second base with Stella.
只需要两分钟
All right, I'll be two minutes.
如果你需要资金来筹备婚礼
If you need money for the wedding,
为什么要把心爱之物卖♥♥掉呢
why sell something that you love?
为什么不跟杰开口
Why don't you just ask Jay?
不 不 不 不
No. No. No. No.
为什么不 他是你♥爸♥
Why not? He's your father.
跟我爸爸开口要钱让我很不舒服
I don't feel right asking my dad for money, okay?
我成年了 而且我还有我的漫画书
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