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Modern Family S05E04

Part 2 Nov. 29, 2019, 12:31 p.m.

他先拿勺子盖住一只眼睛
He put the spoon in one eye,
然后又盖住另一只
the spoon in the other eye,
又拿眼药水滴了滴
The puff puff, the eye drops.
两眼都是完美的1.0 谁才是老花眼
20/20. Now who's the Magoo?
那是什么鸟语
What the hell language was that?
你看到她新做的指甲吗
Did you see that fresh coat of nail polish?
她根本没去看医生
She never went to the doctor.
她为什么要撒谎
Why would she lie?
她很自负曼尼
She's vain, Manny.
她不想戴眼镜
She doesn't want to wear glasses.
那她只是在伤害她自己
Well, she's only hurting herself.
-想必你一定饿了 -饿死了
- Okay, I hope you're hungry. - Starving.
那架该死的航♥班♥没有烤牛肉了
That damn airline ran out of roast beef.
还试图说服我
Tried to fast talk me
吃什么"阴嘴豆泥"
into eating something called "Hoo-mus."
鹰嘴豆泥其实非常美味
Oh, hummus -- it's actually really delicious.
你会喜欢...
You would like tha-- uh. Oh.
-这是什么 -是个玩偶
- What's this? - Oh, uh, that's an action figure.
是一对新郎
It's two grooms.
有天骄阳似火两个玩偶
They melted together in the car
在车里融化在一起了
on a very, very hot day.
那天43度
It was 103.
我的爹地们要结婚了
My daddies are getting married.
你的两位爸爸要结婚了吗
Your dads are getting married?
这不科学啊
That can't be right.
我的朋友凯莎也这样说
That's what my friend Keisha says.
是真的吗
Is this true?
小帕说实话我们是打算告诉你的
Pam, honest to goodness, we were gonna tell you.
你快过来
Get over here, you!
她抱住我了
She's got me.
天啊
Well, damn!
这是我听过的最好的消息
This is the greatest news I've ever heard!
听你这样说我真高兴小帕
Oh, I am so happy to hear you say that, Pam.
当然啦
Of course. Oh!
我想让我的小♥弟♥弟♥得到幸福
I want my baby brother to be happy.
既然在分享好消息我也有一个
And as long as we're sharing, I have some news.
你记得博·约翰逊吗
You remember Bo Johnson?
天啊我怎么会忘记
Oh, my gosh, how could I forget? Oh!
他是我的第一个暗恋对象
He was my first crush.
求你别告诉我他那张帅气的脸毁了
Please tell me nothing happened to his face.
他摔在什么东西上了
What did he fall into?
他和我摔入爱河了
He fell into me.
我们订婚了
We're engaged!
-你说什么 -博和我要结婚了
- Say what? - Bo and I are getting married!
太棒了小卡难道这不是好消息吗
That is fantastic! Cam, isn't this great news?
你快过来
Come here, you. Oh!
是啊太棒了
Yeah. So great.
快来加入我快
Get in on this! Come on!
谢谢你跳起来
Thank you for jumping.
我并不为错过卢克的足球比赛而内疚
I didn't feel guilty for missing Luke's soccer tournament
因为我有一大堆家务事
because I had a ton of errands
我觉得我得花一整天才能做完
I figured would take me all day to finish.
但不知为什么事情办得相当顺利
But for some weird reason, I was flying through my list.
我每次都排到最短的队
I ended up in every short line.
路上也是一路绿灯
I made every green light.
这真是报应
It was the ultimate karmic bitch-slap.
因为我突然无事可做了
Because suddenly I had no more errands,
也就是说没有借口了
which meant no more excuses,
我必须得去无聊的足球比赛了
which meant me at that boring soccer tournament.
嗨你来啦
Hi. There you are.
你儿子踢得棒极了
Your son is playing so great.
-不我是卢克的妈妈 -我知道
- No, I'm Luke's mom. - No, I know.
-他今天表现得非常好 -卢克吗
- He's been amazing all day. - Luke?
卢克啊
Oh! Luke?
来一杯吗
Here, you want one?
不用谢谢我今天喝过咖啡了
Uh, no, thanks. I'm coffeed out.
-亲爱的这是桑格利亚酒 -好吧
- Oh, honey, it's sangria. - Well, all right.
毋庸置疑了外公在作弊
Okay, that's it. Grandpa's cheating.
[cheat一词多意: 作弊/劈腿]
对歌♥洛莉亚吗
On Gloria?
他怎么可能找到个更性感的
How could he possibly do better?
不不是对歌♥洛莉亚是这个游戏
No, not on Gloria -- on this game.
我从来没输给谁过
I've never lost it to anyone.
继续和外公玩单词游戏
Keep playing word games with grandpa,
你永远都别想了[失去贞操]
and you never will.
姑娘们
Hey, girls!
那东西是什么
Hey. What is that thing?
你是问它叫什么
What do they call it,
还是问它应该被叫做什么
or what should they have called it?
-不想知道了 -等等等等
- Never mind. - Uh, wait, wait, wait!
这是清沟机
It's a gutter cleaner.
女士们我向你们展示未来
Ladies, I give you the future.
你们见过我多少次从梯子上摔下来啊
How many times have you girls seen me fall off this ladder?
现在摔倒的次数会少一些了
Now that's gonna happen less.
看来你的
Looks like your, uh,
清沟机卡在什么东西上了
gutter cleaner is stuck on something.
没关系
Not a problem.
这神器能检测出堵塞物然后加大功率
This baby detects blockage and then ramps up the power.
所以我给它取了个外号♥ "一扫光"
That's why I've nicknamed it "The gutter done."
-爸爸 -停下
- Dad! - Stop!
抱歉已经停不下来了
Sorry, it's such a missed opportunity.
天啊天啊天啊
Aah! Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god!
-怎么出什么事了 -这是个鸟巢
- What? What happened? - It's a bird's nest!
-不是吧 -小鸟都死了
- No! - And they're all dead!
-天啊 -你杀了它们
- Oh, my god! - You killed them!
宝贝凶手不是我
Honey, it wasn't me!
而是机器人
It was the robot!
瞧瞧它
Look at it.
它还浑然不知
It doesn't know!
对不起
I'm sorry!
妈妈妈妈来帮忙
Mom! Mom! Help!
怎么了出什么事了
What?! What happened?!
-我刚吃了一把老鼠药 -为什么
- I just ate a handful of this rat poison. - Why?!
我以为这是什锦干果仁
I thought it was trail mix.
我怎么把它们放在一起了
Why do I keep it so close together?
我去叫救护车
I'll call 911!
给读出盒子上的内容
Here, read the box!
告诉我上面写着要怎么做
Tell me what it says to do!
快
Hurry!
-上面写着... -我没多少时间了
- It says... - I don't have much time!
里面...
In the...
-我就这样死了 -什么
- And I'm dead. - What?
你宁愿你老公被毒死
You'd rather kill your husband
也不愿承认你需要戴眼镜
than admit you need glasses.
-妈你真狠心 -这不是毒药吗
- Wow, mom. - It's not poison?
的确有老鼠药
Oh, there's rat poison,
我也的确把它和什锦干果仁放得很近
and I do keep it dangerously close to the trail mix,
但这是为了指出
but this was to point out
你的虚荣可能是致命的
that your vanity could be fatal.
我就知道你们在骗我
I knew this was all a trick.
所以我才假装看不清盒子上的字
That's why I acted like I couldn't read that box!
有多少人会这么用心良苦假装死掉啊
How many people have to pretend to die, Gloria?
这简直不合情理
It just doesn't make any sense.
小帕和博·约翰逊
Pam and Bo Johnson?
-我的博·约翰逊 -什么叫"我的"
- My Bo Johnson? - "My"?
你为旧情人这么吃醋我该为此烦恼吗
Should it bother me that you're this jealous of an old crush?
别说傻话了
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
博是直男
Bo is straight.
他可能永远不会爱上我
He'd probably never go for me.
天啊是博打来的
Oh, my gosh, it is Bo!
瞧瞧他比以前更帅了