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Modern Family S05E22

Part 1 Nov. 29, 2019, 12:32 p.m.

《纽约客》你又来了
Oh, New Yorker, you've done it again.
杰快来看这个漫画
Jay, check out this cartoon.
有会说话的狗吗
Does it have a talking dog?
-没是在评价... -我不看了
- No, it's a commentary on... - I'm out.
给你
Here you go,
我最用心做的一个
one of my best efforts.
吃吧
Have at it.
我不能吃
Mm, I can't eat that.
-为什么不能吃 -碰到酸黄瓜了
- Why not? - The pickle's touching it.
好了
There.
面包还是沾到汁了好恶那是什么
The juice got on the bread and, ew, what's that stuff?
香料
Spices.
跟海猴子似的
They look like sea monkeys.
你真的认真观察过酸黄瓜吗杰
Have you ever really examine a jar of pickles, Jay?
黏糊糊的一团我不吃了
It's like a swamp there. I'll pass.
出什么事了
What happened?
我给他做了个美味的三明治他却不吃
I made him a beautiful sandwich and he won't eat it.
对啊因为上面有腌黄瓜
Yeah, 'cause it had pickles on it.
乔在睡午觉
Joe is taking a nap.
我要去干洗店
I'm gonna go to the dry cleaners.
如果你路过寿司店
Well, if you're passing a sushi restaurant --
她不会路过的
She's not.
我从没听过谁不爱酸黄瓜的
I've never heard of anyone not liking pickles.
那今天就是历史性的一天啦
Aw, big day for you, then.
我自己做个烤奶酪三明治好了
I'm just gonna make myself a grilled cheese.
我应该是看到有格鲁耶尔奶酪了
I think I saw some Gruye in there.
我们有无花果吗
Do we have any fig?
坐下
Sit down.
你这种挑剔的毛病出去可不行
This whole persnickety thing is not gonna fly in the world.
别再给别人取笑你的理由了
Never hand people another reason to make fun of you.
你是指那些穿着皮夹克
You mean like all the cool kids
爱吃酸黄瓜的酷小孩吗
with their leather jackets and their pickles?
你至少尝一口酸黄瓜
Well, you're gonna sit there
否则坐在这儿不许走
until you at least try a pickle.
你被权力冲昏头脑了
You're drunk with power.
你说对了
You got that right.
-不是吧 -怎么了
- Oh, no. - What?
托尼要来了
The Tonys are coming.
小卡所以我才不希望你看那些
Cam, this is exactly why I don't want you watching them --
你已经这么生气了
You're already so angry.
不是托尼奖
Not that Tonys --
是安东尼·拉马克肉毒杆菌托尼
Anthony Lamarque, botox Tony.
他们要来参加婚礼
They're coming to the wedding.
但说真的又要上演《万事成空》吗
But, seriously, another revival of "Anything Goes"?
我们真的又要这样吗
Are we really doing this again?
他们要来我很惊讶
I'm surprised that they're coming,
因为我跟托尼提到婚礼时
because when I mentioned the wedding to Tony,
他表现出毫不在意的样子
he seemed completely disinterested --
是因为打了肉毒杆菌啊
Oh, the botox.
不
Oh, no.
还有你的表兄皮特他的孩子们都要来
Your cousin Pete, all of his kids.
大家都接受了邀请米奇尔
Everyone's accepting, Mitchell!
我爸的嘉宾名单还没给我呢
We haven't even gotten the list from my dad yet.
你♥爸♥的朋友们喝起酒来像当兵的
And your dad's friends drink like soldiers.
因为他们确实当过兵
Because they were soldiers.
我很感激他们为国奉献
I mean, I am grateful for their service,
但这样一来婚礼费用我们可承担不起了
but we are not gonna be able to afford this wedding.
看来我们得取消一些东西
Okay, maybe we need to pull back on a few things.
比如什么
Like what?
餐桌中心摆设
Uh, the centerpieces?
那你何必办婚礼呢
Why even have a wedding?
我不知道小卡
I don't know, Cam.
因为我们彼此相爱彼此尊重
Because we love and respect each other
还共同抚养一个孩子吗
and we're raising a child together?
你还要不要帮我了
Do you want to help or not?
也许我们可以发一些"不邀请信"
Maybe we could send un-vitations.
有这东西吗
Is that a thing?
因为我们现在可以结婚
We've already made a lot of people angry
已经惹怒很多人了
by just being able to get married.
就别把支持我们的人也疏远了
Let's not alienate the ones on our side.
好吧也许我们可以卖♥♥掉些东西
All right. Maybe we could sell something.
已经超预算几千美元了
We're thousands over budget.
得卖♥♥个大件的才行
It would have to be something great.
给你你可以把我的钻戒卖♥♥了
Here, you can sell my diamond ring.
亲爱的那是糖果啦
Oh, honey, that's candy.
我要杀了那个杰克逊
I'm gonna kill that Jackson!
我确实有些贵玩意儿
I do have something of value --
一本《蜘蛛侠大战章鱼博士》漫画书
A "Spider-man versus doctor octopus" comic book.
第三本 1963年出版几乎全新
Issue number 3, 1963, near-mint condition.
值五千美元
It's worth 5 grand.
我9岁那年用一个橄榄球换的
I traded a football for it when I was 9 years old,
我爸气疯了
and my dad was mad
因为那上面有丹·马里诺的签名
because the football was signed by Dan Marino.
我说找丽塔·莫雷诺签名我就留着
I said, "Get it signed by Rita Moreno, and I'll keep it."
不是吧
Oh, no.
我侄子们要从塔尔萨飞过来
My nephews are flying in from Tulsa
胖胖的那几个
-- the big ones.
特别能吃派的那些吗
The pie eaters?
没错我得卖♥♥掉我的怀亚特·厄普了
That's it. I got to sell my Wyatt Earp.
这是怀亚特·厄普曾用过的皮带扣
This here is a belt buckle once worn by the great Wyatt Earp.
我爷爷在我7岁那年给我的
My grandpa gave it to me when I was 7 years old,
他说孩子这会保护你远离坏人
and he said,"Son, this will keep the bad guys away."
我20出头时曾戴着它去参加
In my early 20s, I wore it to
牛仔和印第安人主题迪斯科派对
a Cowboys-and-Indians disco party.
但是没有起作用哦
And let's just say it didn't.
不行我不会让你这样做的
No. I can't let you do that.
它对你意味着一切
That means the world to you.
小卡我会卖♥♥了我的《蜘蛛侠》
Cam, I will sell my "Spider-man."
米奇尔我的皮带扣曾是
Mitchell, my belt buckle was owned
老西部传奇人物的东西
by a legend of the old west.
我觉得你的漫画书卖♥♥的钱
I don't think your comic book
可能连买♥♥气球的钱都不够
would even cover our balloon budget.
这话就太刺...
Well, that's very offens--
等等买♥♥气球要花多少钱
Wait. What's the balloon budget?
妈能把这东西放到别的地方去吗
Hey, mom, can we put this stuff somewhere else?
它让我的房♥间显得好乱
It's cluttering up my room.
这是什么
What is it?
我的一些纪念品
Oh, just some mementos of mine.
还有你♥爸♥爸的
A few of your dad's.
-齐马 -是啊
- Oh, Zima! - Yeah.
齐马是什么
What's Zima?
瓶子里的派对
Just a party in a bottle.
那让我想起了狂野的时刻
Man, that reminds me of some wild times.
在我的土星车里放着比约克的歌♥
Cranking the Bjork in my Saturn
然后一起在影院看《西雅图夜未眠》时
before me and my buddies snuck some "Z"
呼呼大睡
into "Sleepless in Seattle."
真希望你也捂住了我的耳朵
I wish you'd covered my ears for that.
妈妈抱着你的这个帅哥是谁啊
Ooh, mom. Who's this hottie with his arm around you?
帅爆了
Cute!
那是鲍比·纳什我的前男友
Oh, that's Bobby Nash, my old boyfriend.
你为什么和他分手为了爸爸吗
Why'd you break up with him? For dad?
这样说吧他没盯住球
Let's just say he took his eye
结果被三振出局了
off the ball and struck out.
于是我站到了垒板上
So I stepped up to the plate
在票价低廉的座位上搞定了她
and nailed her in the cheap seats.
别那样说
Yeah, let's not say that.
我要走了
Well, I'm off.
亲爱的我得去药店
Oh, honey, I've got to stop by the drug store.
你需要什么吗
Do you need anything?
不用亲爱的
No, thank you, my dear.