闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S02E13

Part 4 April 6, 2021, 10:16 a.m.

我是说我觉得我应该
I mean, I thought I still had
多少还有些私人生活吧
some sort of semblance of a private life.
你错了
Well, you were wrong.
你前门是开着的
Your--your front door was open.
是啊我为你开的
Yeah. I left it open for you.
不是你的门敞开着
No, it was open...
大开
like wide.
爸爸说那是入室抢劫邀请
Dad called it "Home-invasion bait."
查理不要我没…
Charlie, no, I didn't-- I didn't--
好了电视应该在旁边屋子里
Okay, I think the TV's on in the other room.
-你去选个节目看吧 -太棒了
- Why don't you go pick a channel? - Yes!
不出点血怎么能叫养孩子呢
Okay. No blood, no boobies.
我让他看电视电视
I-I let him watch TV. TV.
然后然后我还想喂他本杰瑞[超好吃的甜食品牌]的零食
And then--and then I tried to feed him ben & jerry's.
让他不再哭
anything to stop the wailing, and--
-挺好的 -才不好呢
- It's okay. - It's not okay.
我以为没有佩顿我也能
And I thought I could do this without Payton
自己做好这些事但我不行
and by myself, but I can't,
他在拍外景保姆又病了
And he's on location, and the nanny is sick.
所以我想
So I was thinking just...
就那么一小会儿用胶带
just for a second, just duct tape,
就用一点胶带
Just, like, a little bit of duct tape...
-来把他给我 -封在他嘴上
- Here, let me just take him. - right over his mouth.
把他给我一下
Give him to me for a sec.
嗨伙计
Hey, buddy, hi!
好可爱
Oh, sweet!
他真可爱
He's sweet.
你自己在这多久了
How long have you been... alone in here?
星期四起吧我不知道
Thursday? I don't know...
有点迷糊了
Um, ha. It's a little blurry.
现在这种情况
Given the circumstances,
我知道这样对你不公平但是
I know this is an unfair thing to ask you, but...
你能带他一会儿吗
Can you take him for a little bit?
-不行贝卡 -就去公园
- No, Becca. - Just to the park
或者魔法山或者其它什么地方
or magic mountain or anything?
杰克我担心如果我听他不停地哭
Jake, I'm worried if I keep hearing that cry,
我可能会把他踢出窗户
I'm gonna dropkick him out of a window,
然后变成那种上相亲网站的妈妈
and then I'm gonna be like one of those moms on "Dateline,"
-然后我会 -好了好了
- And then I'm gonna-- - okay, okay, yes, yes, yes.
我会带他的我关心你
I'll take him, because I care about you, okay?
而我们也不想让你去相亲网站
And we don't want you to be on "Dateline."
答应我你要睡会儿
You promise me you'll get some sleep,
醒来以后就给我发短♥信♥
and then you can just text me when you wake up--
真的吗好的
Oh, really? Okay.
你去睡会儿醒了就给我发短♥信♥
And you will sleep, and you will text me when you wake up.
-我会睡觉了谢天谢地 -我来带他
- I'm gonna sleep. Oh, god! - I got him.
他到底叫什么名字
Him. What is his name, actually?
别告诉我他叫泰雅二世
Don't say Taye Junior, please.
克里斯托弗他叫克里斯托弗
Christopher. It's Christopher.
克里斯托弗
Christopher?
是克里斯托弗
Christopher!
-谢谢 -没事
- Thank you! - Yeah.
等有时间我们还要讨论一下
At some point, we're gonna have to also talk about the fact
我不是孩子父亲的事
that I'm not this baby's father.
我知道我知道天呐
I know. I know. God!
不是现在等你不再有邪恶想法的时候好吗
Not now, no, when you're of saner mind. Okay?
谢谢你
Thank you.
我都不知道要怎么办了
I don't know what I was about to do.
你最好了
You're the best.
-谢谢你 -是呀
- Thank you. - Yes, I am.
查理我们要走啦
Charlie, we're gonna go, buddy.
JD 是吗
Ah, JD, right?
我得去把婚礼蛋糕送到晚宴帐篷里
I have to move the wedding cake into the dining tent.
你能不能在我工作时照顾一会儿这个
Could you look after this sorry excuse for a human
对不起全人类的家伙
just while I work for a bit?
对乔来说这很重要
It's very important to Jo.
这是我应得的
I deserve this.
好啊没问题
Oh, yeah. Yep, sure.
我们不都这样嘛因为某种原因
Don't we all, for one reason or another?
记得让他离人群远一点
Just, um, keep him away from, uh, humans.
我非常擅长远离人群
I'm actually very good at keeping away from humans.
太好了谢谢你
Perfect. Thanks, mate.
我有次也被人弄得鼻青脸肿
I had a black eye once.
一个混♥蛋♥干的
Yeah, a possum did it.
他没有打我但是绊了我一下
Well, he didn't hit me, but he tripped me and--
你知道这是什么吗
You know what this is?
这是今天伙计
This is today, guy.
我是说开始时都是爱心和花朵
I mean, it starts off all hearts and flowers...
然后砰
Then boom!
是啊我真心为迪莉娅感到遗憾
Ah, yeah. I feel terrible for Delia...
还有戈登
and Gordon.
她确实弄得很糟糕但是
I mean, she messed up bad, but, you know,
他他就那么逃了
He--he--the way that he took off, you know
戈登逃了
Gordon took off?
在他自己的婚礼上
From his own wedding?
我们已经摒弃了
Listen, we have broomed
所有主流的新郎新娘习俗仪式
all the major bride/groom rituals.
没有切蛋糕没有开场舞
There's no cake cutting, no first dance,
所以我们把婚礼办得非常...
so we have got this bitch...
成功
handled.
抱歉打扰一下大家好
Excuse me, excuse me. Hello.
抱歉抱歉大家请听我说
Excuse me, excuse me. May I have your attention, please?
我♥操♥ 我♥操♥ 我♥操♥
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.
-我想要借这个... -他怎么会在这
- Yeah, um, I'd like to say... - Why is he here?
神圣的浪漫的充满诗意的机会说
on this sacred, romantic, and poetic occasion
爱情就是...
That love is...
一场骗局
a fraud.
我娶了这个女人但是
You see, I-I married that woman, but--
不不行乔我必须要说
No! No, no, Jo. I need to say this.
-过来 -我娶了她
- Come here. - So I married her--
那个美丽的女人
That beautiful woman.
但是我又娶了另外一个女人
But then I married another woman
在同一时间
at the same time.
因为事实就是
Because, you see, the truth is,
没有人能够守住
nothing can live up to--to this--
永远保持激♥情♥和付出的承诺
this promise of forever passion, forever devotion.
我依然爱你乔
I still love you, Jo.
天哪
oh, God.
但是爱情向我撒了谎它告诉我还需要更多
But love lied and told me that I needed more.
所以我背叛了你
So I betrayed you.
我出轨了是的我出轨了
I cheated on you. God, oh, yeah, I cheated on you.
就像迪莉娅对戈登所做的
Just like Delia did to Gordon.
她甚至连婚礼那天都坚持不到
She couldn't even make it to the day!
我的天好吧
Oh, my God. All right.
没错没错
Oh, yeah, yeah, uh...
新郎并没有生病
The groom's not sick.
是的他走了他把她甩了
Yeah, he's gone. He--he dumped her.
够了
That's it.
我永远都不要结婚
I am never getting married.
祝你好运
Amen to that.
好吧我们该躲起来了
Ok, time to hide.
至少你不用再继续演戏了
Well, at least you don't have to pretend anymore.
是的人们正在收回礼物
Yeah, people are taking the gifts back,
这样能省下邮费
so there's postage saved.
-你没事吧 -没事
- Are you okay? - Yeah, just fine.
艾比...
Abby...
你要坚持住
You need to hold it together.
我知道
I know.
我只是...
I just...
我的心脏有点承受不了
I'm having a-a little heart attack.