闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S02E03

Part 7 April 6, 2021, 10:10 a.m.

而我试图去解决其他人的问题
and I try to fix everybody else's stuff
因为我自己完全不知道怎么解决自己的不过
'cause I don't have the first clue to fix my own, but look,
我很为你骄傲
I am so proud of you
终于敞开了心扉
for making this huge open-hearted leap.
起来吧
Get up.
天啊
God.
小虾男跑哪儿去了
Where's shrimp boy?
不知道不关心
Don't know, don't care.
聚会的各位注意了
Attention, party people!
我只想感谢棒棒的大家都表现很棒
I just want to thank all you kick-ass people for kicking ass!
你疯了吗
Are you out of your mind?
尤其是你们俩
Especially you two,
-幸福的一对 -亚当
- the happy couple. - Adam.
你们会很幸福的
You guys are gonna be so happy.
亚当你在干什么
Adam, what the hell are you doing?
看过来
And you know what?
-这里 -给我下来
- Right here. - Get down from here!
你干什么给我下来
What are you doing? Get down from there.
快给我下来
Get down from there now.
我真为你曾进入过我的身体感到羞愧
I'm ashamed you were ever inside of me.
-下来 -好了伙计
- Get down. - All right, mate.
你该和大家说晚安了
I think it's time for you to say good night.
-淡定哥们 -常言道
- Yo, easy, bro. - As they say,
派对中没人被驱逐都算不上是真正的派对
it's not a real party until somebody's forcibly removed.
我很容易瘀青的知道吗
I bruise easy, okay?
冷静
Take it easy.
我要走了
I'm gonna go.
刚才什么情况
What the hell was that?
不要告诉我我错过了好戏
Don't tell me I missed all the fun.
你呢你还好吗
How about you? You okay?
你看上去有点恍惚
You seem a little... dazed.
是的
Yes.
杰克昨天扔给了我一个重磅炸♥弹♥
Jake dropped a huge bomb on me yesterday.
-是婴儿形状的炸♥弹♥吗 -是的
- Was it a baby-shaped bomb? - Yeah.
很好我很高兴他终于鼓起勇气告诉你了
Good, I'm glad he finally manned up and told you.
麦克斯和我都让他
I mean, Max and I both told him to--
你们知道多久了
Well, how long have you known?
我也不确定了
Uh, not 100% sure--
到底多久了
How long have you known?
有一段时间了吧
Um, I'm gonna say a while.
艾比等等何必这样呢
Abby, wait. For what it's worth,
他很努力了艾比
He was trying--Abby--
天呐太对不起了
Oh, Gosh. I'm so sorry.
-对不起 -没关系
- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.
不他毁了这个聚会
No. He, like, ruined the party.
-没关系 -对不起
- Forget it. - I'm so sorry.
没事他又不是把黄油雕刻给毁了
No. It's not like he melted the butter sculpture.
-你还有黄油雕刻 -乔
- You have a butter sculpture? - Jo.
下次你在火种上找了炮♥友♥
Look, the next time you decide to tinder date,
能不能先告诉我一下
will you call me first?
我会告诉你那会是个悲剧收场的
I could've told you that was gonna end in a disaster.
那人绝对是个头号♥灾难
The guy's a classic number one.
头号♥ 什么头号♥
Number one? What's a number one?
我已经跟一个这样的粗人分手了
I've done my fair share of swiping.
你也不要再跟这种妇女和离异妇女之友
You can pretty much break down the types of guys
约会了吧
that date older or divorced women.
-头号♥灾难 -说来听听
- Number one. - Do tell.
-小鲜肉 -好的
- Young guys. - Okay.
大概三十岁以下
Like, under 30 young.
他们跟老女人恋爱因为觉得你容易到手
They age up because they figure you're a sure thing.
所以无论什么情况
You do not under any circumstance
-你都不要把他们带到公共场合 -接着说
- bring them out in public. - Go on.
-他就是玩具 -还有呢
- He's a toy. - Okay.
-他是个孩子就这样 -说得真棒
- He's a boy. That's it. - That's fascinating.
第二名永远不会跟你结婚的
Number two, the never-been-married guy.
十有八♥九♥ 他们古怪得像连环杀手
Nine times out of ten, creepy like a serial killer.
-这种人绝对不行 -好
- Pass. - Okay.
第三名离婚不久的
Number three, newly divorced
正在找地方发泄他们长♥期♥压抑的性冲动
and looking to unearth his long-buried libido.
这种人很有魅力但是一旦钓到26岁的女孩
He's charming, but he's gonna stop messaging you
他会立刻停止联♥系♥你
as soon as he bags a 26-year-old.
-这可真糟糕 -第四名刚离婚的
- Oh, that freaking prick. - Number four, just divorced.
刚恢复单身还想重组家庭
lonely and looking to reconstitute a family.
这种人暂时会是你的男友
He will be your instant boyfriend,
然后他就会像甲壳动物一样
and then he will attach to you like a barnacle
缠着你不放
and suffocate you.
我太开心你能跟我说这些
I'm just--I'm so happy that we're having this conversation.
所以从现在开始我跟头号♥只会私下里约会
So from now on, I'm number one-ing in private.
不会再有暴♥力♥了
Oh, no violence.
你说对了因为暴♥力♥就在发生
And you're right, because it's live.
所以她要
So she's not gonna--
不会了
No, right.
卡罗尔刚才对不起
Um, Carol, I'm sorry about--
我真的很感谢你所做的
I--I really appreciate your gesture.
很有爱
That was lovely.
我知道我有点越界了
I understand I overstepped.
只是我实在不记得我妈妈或者伊朗的事了
The thing is that I just--I barely remember my mom or Iran,
但是
but um,
你培养出了一个优秀的儿子我爱他
You made a wonderful man who I love.
在这点上我们很像
And we have that in common.
所以咱们慢慢相处吧
So let's just take it slow.
好的谢谢你
Okay. Thank you.
好的
Good.
能不能请你和我一起安排
Would you maybe help me with the seating arrangement
招待会上的座位呢
for the reception?
你知道关键所在对吧
You know where the bodies are buried, right?
要怎么把死敌们安排坐在一起
Put mortal enemies together.
我非常乐意
Oh, I'd love to.
-是吗 -当然
- Yes? - Yes.
太好了
Okay, good. That's good.
你们应该拥抱言和了
This is the part where you hug.
-他真是个控制狂 -多霸道
- He's such a control freak. - So bossy.
你怎么能这样
How dare you?
怎样
How what?
我坐在那
You let me sit there
表扬你成熟了
and commend you on your growth as a person?
打开心扉坦诚相待了
On how open and honest you were?
你知道贝卡怀孕的事情多久了
How long have you known that Becca was pregnant?
冷静点孩子们都睡了
Shh, the kids are sleeping. Calm down.
不你知道这件事多久了
No, I--how long have you known?
快回答我
Answer the damn question.
-大约一个月了 -天呢
- About a month. - Oh my God.
但是她还没想好要不要留下那个孩子
But she didn't know if she was going to keep it,
所以没必要告诉你
and there was no reason to tell you.
所以你还是死性不改
So you then, like old times,
在我们讨论未来时
decided that it was better for me
觉得先不要告诉我比较好
not to know while we're talking about future?
这还算是绝对坦诚吗
And radical honesty?
你明知道自己可能又要当爸爸了
You knew that you might be a father again.
明知道我们的孩子可能要有个同父异母的兄妹了
You knew that our kids might have a half-sibling.
-简直不可置信 -天哪
- It's unbelievable - Just-- Jesus Christ, okay?
你知道告诉你这件事有多难吗艾比
You know, it hasn't been exactly easy to share with you, Abby.
我心里清楚
I've been very clear.
我身在其中
I am in.
我的心全在这里但你不是
I am all in, and you're the one with one foot out.
-什么 -就像以前一样
- What? - Just like old times.
我才没有我一直在想办法
I don't-- I'm trying to think.
想办法让我们放慢速度
I'm trying to think and just slow things down,
而你像往常一样只想一头栽在里面
and you as usual just want to dive in.
-把事情搞砸 -不你错了
- and damn the consequences. - No, you're not--