闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S02E13

Part 3 April 6, 2021, 10:16 a.m.

或是阑尾长了肿瘤
or an appendiceal tumor,
若是不能与君同生
because we can't live in a world
这整个世界便失去了颜色
that doesn't have both of us in it.
这是你对我说过最甜蜜的话
That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.
我们的姐妹怎么样了
How's our girl?
迪莉娅在强颜欢笑撑着呢
Uh, Delia is, uh, she's hanging tough.
斯考特是怎么了
What's going on with Scott?
事情真是越变越糟
As if things couldn't get any worse.
-那么糟吗 -嗨女士们
- That bad? - Hello, ladies.
我猜我的邀请函被服务器吞了
I guess my invite got lost in the interweb.
好极了
This is nice.
这让我想起了我们的婚礼
This reminds me of our nuptials.
也不完全是我们的婚礼烂透了
Not really. Our wedding was a crapfest.
真是灾难你盯着迪莉娅
Disaster. You stay on Delia.
过来这边
Come here.
搞什么弗朗普金斯你来这儿做什么
What the hell, Frumpkis? What are you doing here?
你闻起来像是地铁上的尿池你该走了
You smell like a subway urinal. You have got to go.
我会的我会的
I will. I will, I will, I will.
但我只是想给新娘的丈夫
But I just--I need to give some valuable advice
一些宝贵的建议
to the husband of the bride.
不给新郎一些心理疏导
No, some mental grooming for the groom,
-如果你 -你不能这么做...很快
- if you will. - That's not gonna happen... anytime soon
不好意思能别弹了吗
Excuse me. Would you mind?
我们正谈话呢你的女儿也在这儿
We're talking here. Your daughter is here.
你的女儿
Your daughter, okay?
你怎么了站稳了
What's going on? Get it together!
对不起我只是没有感觉这么...
I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling so--
上一次发作是什么时候
When was the last time
你吃流食以外的东西了吗
You had anything besides a liquid diet?
-啤酒坚果算吗 -哦你这个混♥蛋♥
- Do beer nuts count? - Oh, you asshole.
银狐狸移驾了
Silver fox is on the move.
实施拦截
Intercept!
卡罗尔
Carol!
-你看起来美极了 -戈登在哪儿
- You look gorgeous. - Where's Gordon?
如果他生病了我想要见到他
If he's sick, I want to see him.
他...他正睡着呢
Oh, he's-- no, he's sleeping it off.
事实上他本想喝点酒缓解下婚前紧张情绪
Truth? He... tried to drink away his pre-wedding jitters.
是的太紧张了
Yes. A lot of jitters.
紧张戈登曾会见过国家元首
Jitters? Gordon has met with heads of state,
关岛的首相
The president of Guam.
凯特来电
我要接个电♥话♥ 不好意思
I just have to take this. I'm so sorry.
凯特
Kat?
嗨我正忙着处理这事呢
Hi, um, I'm kind of still in the thick of it.
我说这次"耶洗别丑闻"真是...
I'll say. This jezebel leak is--
耶洗别:西方宗教里的"淫♥妇♥"
说实话我不知道那是什么
Honestly, I don't know what it is.
-"耶洗别丑闻" -没错
- Jezebel leak? - Yes.
是从《美国周刊》一则摘录上传出来的
They just went live with an excerpt from "US weekly."
《一个好莱坞小白脸的秘密》
"Secrets of a hollywood gigolo."
他列了个名单
He names names.
什么
what?
你也在名单上
Including yours.
天呐别告诉我他是...
Oh, God. Don't tell me it's--
卡尔
Carl?
我跟我们的孩子保证过你会振作起来
I promised our kid you'd get your shit together.
你给我纯爷们起来把这个喝了来吧
I need you to nut up and drink this--come on.
上帝啊
Ow! Jesus Christ!
喔喔喔等一下
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
听着妈的
Hey, listen! - Shit!
听着你让这个善良的女人遭受的够多了
Listen, you've inflicted enough on this fine woman,
别缠着佐伊
Let alone zooey!
你赶走了两个杰出的女孩儿
You threw away two exceptional girls--
你的家人
Your family.
你唯一能做的就是躲到石头下面去了却残生
The least you can do is crawl under a rock and die alone.
你是对的
You're right.
这是真的
It's true.
揍我
Hit me.
好极了连欣赏你被揍的兴致都没了
Oh, amazing. You even take the fun out of you getting hit!
-我来带他出去 -不不谢谢你的努力
- Look, I-I'll show him out. - No, no, thank you for trying.
但我们要怎么做
But what are we gonna do--
把他扔在大街上不管吗
We're gonna throw him out on the street?
大街他在汉考克公园有公♥寓♥
Street? He has a mansion in hancock park.
那公♥寓♥在沙琳名下
It's in Charlene's name.
拜托了让我揍他吧
Oh, please, let me hit him.
太有诱惑力了
So tempting.
不不不
Oh, no, no, no.
-什么 -你爱上他了
- What? - You're in love with him.
-天呐 -你绝对是
- Oh, my god. - You are.
-天呐 -真的吗
- Oh, my god. - She is?
为什么所有的中年女人都爱上火♥辣♥的小鲜肉
Why are all my middle-aged women falling for hot, younger guys?
这个世界还能更混乱一点吗
What is this, upside-down world?
-乔他根本不了解你 -够了够了
- Jo, he does know you quite well-- - Enough, enough.
听着你振作起来去把酒醒了
Look, you get it together and sober up.
还有你继续做你的"性感烘焙师"
And, you, do your "Charming bakery guy" thing
别管这烂摊子
and stay out of it.
我从没花钱嫖过他
I never paid for sex.
我花钱让他陪我聊天
I paid him to talk,
我们没有上♥床♥
and we didn't.
之后那是另一次
And then I--you know, and another time,
我们上♥床♥了但我没有付钱
I didn't pay him, and we did.
所以严格说我从没花钱嫖他
So, technically, I-I never paid for it.
即使我听明白了你刚刚说得什么
Even if I understood what you just said,
我也不在乎
that is a distinction no one gives a crap about!
我简直不相信他会做这种事
I can't believe he would do this.
听着我会处理这些的
Look, look, look, I-I-I'll take care of it.
尽量确保这不会导致事业毁灭
I will just try to make sure this isn't a career killer.
-不管怎样我都会弄清楚的 -事业毁灭
- I'll--I'll spin it somehow. - "Career killer"?
你知道吗幸亏你没孩子
You know, thank god you don't have children.
-我只能这么说不然就一团糟了 -凯特
- That's all I can say. This would be a mess. - Kat...
我有两个孩子一个八岁一个十五岁
I have two--8 and 15.
你从没读过我的书吗
Have you never read any of my books?
有人帮我看
I have people for that.
我会调查这件事的我再跟你联♥系♥
Look, I'll look into it. I'll get back to you.
卡尔吗
Carl?
我手♥机♥都要爆♥炸♥了
My phone is blowing up.
你为什么没告诉我
Why didn't you tell me?
SheShe的人都疯了
Everybody at SheShe is flipping out.
我有个朋友没错他是个男伴
I have a friend who, yes, is a male companion,
但我从没付钱跟他上♥床♥过
but I never paid him for sex.
我付钱让他讲讲他的工作
I paid him to talk about his work.
然后你就跟他上♥床♥了
And then you had sex with him.
那是另外一次而且是免费的
On another occasion. And that was a freebie.
然后我现在觉得
And I realize as I say that right now
这事听起来不太好
that that doesn't sound very good.
你知道SheShe付出多少时间和金钱
Do you have any idea how much time and money
把你塑造为一个性感幽默的离婚女人
Sheshe spent building you as the sexy, fun face of divorce?
这个
Well, uh...
我在有需求的时候做了一场爱
I got hot sex on demand...
花了一点钱
for a small fee.
我付钱给一个男人让他离开
I-I am a woman who paid a man to leave.
这难道不幽默性感吗
How is that not fun and sexy?
你知道卡尔的文章是怎么写的吗
You know what Carl said in the article?
他说你孤独绝望
That you were lonely and desperate,
因为你试图与你前夫复合
Because after you tried to get back with your ex
而失败了
and that failed,
然后你又追求哈里斯他也把你甩了
you went after Harris, and he dumped you.
我想我告诉他的有点多了
I guess I over-shared with him a little bit.
天呐你怎么想的
Jesus, what were you thinking?
你干嘛这么说我芭芭拉
Why are you attacking me, Barbara?
我只是我没
I just--I-I didn't...