闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S01E01

Part 1 April 6, 2021, 9:54 a.m.

大家好本期节目我们请到了全美最佳闺蜜
Hey, everybody, we're back with America's favorite girlfriend,
《闺蜜指南》系列作者艾比·麦卡锡
Abby McCarthy of the Girlfriends' Guide book series.
今日话题
艾比·麦卡锡
《闺蜜指南》系列作者
我爱死那些书了在每个准妈妈派对上
I love 'em, love 'em. Every baby shower,
准妈妈总会收到一本两本...
the mom-to-be always gets one, two...
甚至是全系列
or all of those books.
谢谢是的
Thank you. Yes.
你知道最棒的是什么吗
And you know what's really great?
这些书并非纸上谈兵
They're not bossy.
-而与你自己的家庭密切相关 -没错
- It's more about your own family. - Right.
-货真价实妈妈的好建议 -这本新书
- Real advice from a real mom. - You know, this new book,
到我的孩子们都上了学时
when our kids were finally both in school,
我丈夫和我看着彼此
my husband and I looked at each other
都来了句你是谁
and went, who are you?
我们花了不少时间来调整
It was a real adjustment for us,
我只是希望正处于这样阶段的人们
and I just hope that people wo are going through the same thing
-能从这本书里得到帮助 -等等
- get something out of this book. - Wait a minute,
杰克怎么样一切还好吗
How is Jake? Are things going well there?
我是说你知道的
Well, I mean, you know,
正如我在书中写的幸福是不断变化的目标
like I say in the book, happiness is a moving target,
但杰克和我...
but Jake and I are...
我们正以全新的方式互相交流
We're just connecting in a whole new way.
这是哪个婊♥子♥的味道
You smell like sex.
去你♥妈♥的♥
Screw you.
妈妈
Mommy.
早上好小兔子
Good morning, bun-bun.
来个爱斯基摩吻
Give me an Eskimo.
真可爱
Mm, I love that.
爸爸这周我要在班上做展示
Daddy, I'm a special person at school this week.
你每周都要做展示宝贝
You're a special person every week, kiddo.
早啊莉儿
Oh, hi, Lils.
早上好怎么了
Morning. What's happening?
整个周末都是排球决赛
Well, volleyball finals are all weekend,
我没法去杰德的生日派对了
so I'm missing Jade's birthday party.
拜托把门关上
Door closed, please.
喝咖啡前可没人想看到制♥作♥工序老爸
Yeah, no one needs to see that before coffee, Dad.
那可是在伦敦酒店的彻夜狂欢
It's a sleepover at the London.
她妈包下了顶层套房♥
Her mom's got the penthouse suite.
把这拿给查理
Hey, give that to Charlie.
球赛之后能载我去吗
After volleyball, can't you drive me?
伦敦酒店真够疯的
The London Hotel. That just seems crazy.
给你亲爱的
Here you go, sweetie.
-妈妈 -怎么啦
- Mom? - Yeah?
我喜欢自己屁的味道是不是很奇怪
Is it weird that I like the smell of my own farts?
-是的 -真恶心查理
- Yes. - Gross, Charlie.
-爸爸 -怎么
- Daddy? - Mm-hmm.
你会帮我弄展示板的对吗
You're gonna help me with my special person board, right?
-当然 -交给我吧小兔子
- Of course. - I'm on it, bun-bun.
杰克
今晚没有排球赛
时间照旧
好谢谢
演这么出婚姻美满真是诡异
莉莉我以为杰德
Lilly, I thought Jade was the
是给你发那些刻薄短♥信♥的那姑娘
one who was writing all those mean texts about you.
她只是经历了一些事而已
She was going through some stuff.
她才发现自己是被收养的
She just found out she's adopted.
知道吗你还小
You know what? You're a teenager,
许多超棒的酒店
and there are gonna be plenty of awesome hotels
至少我醒来不会是一身润滑液的味道
-和精彩的派对 -所以我不能去吗
- and awesome parties... - So I can't go?
-将来多的是 -爸
- in your future. - Dad.
你妈做主大家都得听她的
Up to your mom, she who must be obeyed.
-妈 -我会考虑的莉儿
- Well? - I will think about it, Lil.
现在赶紧的我们要出发了
Now haul ass. We're leaving.
拿好你的背包查理
Backpack, Charlie.
拿好你的背包查理
Backpack, Charlie.
-爱你 -拜拜
- Love you. - Bye.
爱你莉莉
Love you, Lilly.
好了查理和莉莉到校了
Okay, Charlie and Lilly are in.
-伙计们怎么了 -保持微笑好吗
- Hey, guys, what's going on? - Keep smiling, okay?
我会的
Yes, I will.
来杯咖啡吗昨晚喝多了卡瓦酒
Coffee, mama? I am seriously still drunk
我现在还醉着你是...
on last night's cava. Have you been...
大家给我都是一副同情脸
People are giving me, like, a face, like, a sympathy face.
-是吗真的吗 -是的
- They are? Really? - Yes.
-我孩子们呢阿努克 -我没看见他们
- Where are my children? Anouk? - I didn't see them.
阿努克卢科
Anouk, Luco.
-威尔斯夫人 -怎么
- Mrs. Wills. - What?
他们又出去想要过马路了
They were outside trying to cross the street again.
我天你俩我说了待在妈妈身边别乱跑
Oh, my... You crazies. I told you to stay with mama.
抱歉
Sorry.
太谢谢你了
Thank you so much.
我难受死了去上课吧
I'm horrible. Go to class now.
你们要是看到查理
If you see Charlie,
告诉他他有只鞋在我这
just tell him I have his shoe.
你觉得大家知道了吗
Do you think people know?
什么知道你跟杰克分开了
What? About you and Jake splitting?
-抱歉 -天哪
- Sorry. - God.
-我得去找查理 -好
- I gotta find Charlie. - Okay.
-咱俩... -一会儿见 -没错
- I will see you... - Later. - Yes
我去
Ugh, come on.
你有跟学校的人提到我跟杰克的事吗
Did you tell anyone at school about me and Jake?
当然没有我可是名律师
Of course not. I'm a lawyer.
-又不是我的律师 -暂时还不是
- You're not my lawyer. - Not yet.
等你不再犯傻了再雇我吧
Just let me know when you're ready to ditch your moron.
大家都知道了我看得出来
Well, people know. I can tell.
在接送处简直要被埃里克·弗兰克视奸了
Eric Frank eye-banged me at drop-off.
他简直就是离婚雷达
He's like a divorce-seeking missile.
是啊他还对马乔里·戴维斯动手动脚呢
Yeah, well, he finger-banged Marjorie Davis,
-你该庆幸了 -我的天
- so count yourself lucky. - Oh, my God.
今天早上你有看见丹吗是不是又宿醉了
Did you see Dan this morning? Did he look hungover to you?
我我们快迟到了
I... We were late.
昨晚他在外面待到半夜三点
He was out until 3:00 in the morning last night,
把孩子们丢给保姆
left the kids with a sitter.
莱拉你不能去跟踪他
Lyla, you cannot have people followed.
孩子们在他那过夜时竟然被他扔给保姆
He leaves the kids with a sitter on his night.
他那些龌龊的勾当不能留到白天去干吗
He can't do that perverted shit during the day?
他又没有工作
He's got no job.
这些怒气你该好好发泄掉
All this anger, you need to let it go.
应该大哭一场尽情悲伤
You need to cry, be sad.
你知道让我想哭的是什么吗
You know what makes me cry?
他真是非同一般的人♥渣♥
What a spectacular piece of shit he is.
我每个月给这男人五万块
50 grand a month I give that man,
现在他竟然盯上了我的养老金
and now he's after my pension.
我只要证明他不够适合监护
All I need to do is prove him unfit.
孩子就会判给我
Then I get the kids,
他就没法靠孩子的赡养费过活
and he can't live off the child support.
-他可以拿走一半财产 -没门
- He's entitled to half. - No.
如果他是女方你还是会这么说的
If he were a woman, you would say the same thing.
如果他是女方我就能理解
If he were a woman, I'd understand
为什么他这么没种可惜他不是...
why he's got no balls, but failing that...
一直走不要停...
Keep walking, keep walking...
艾比这边
Hey, Abby. Over here.
-早上好 -你们好
- Hi, good morning. - Hi.
-你是蕾拉对吧 -是莱拉
- It's Layla, right? - Lyla.
姐妹你最近都躲哪去了
Woman, where have you been hiding yourself?
坐吧咱们好好叙叙
Sit. Let's catch up.
不好意思我们要去店里找菲比喝咖啡
We can't. We're actually meeting Phoebe inside for coffee.
-她在这呢 -大家好
- There she is. - Hi.
我去找个位子你们好小贱♥人♥们
I'm gonna go get us a table. Hello, you beautiful bitches.
咱们里面见
I will see you inside.