疯狂前女友（2015）

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend S02E08

Part 3 March 26, 2021, 2:47 p.m.

Sorry. And-and second of all,
对不起再者
you can't not go on a field trip, Paula.
你不能不去那个学术之旅宝拉
If I had skipped Presidential Classroom
假如当初我没去那个华盛顿的
in Washington D.C., I would still be a virgin
总统教室夏令营那老娘现在还是个
who knew nothing about the electoral college.
选举人团是什么都不知道的小处♥女♥呢
You got to go.
你得去
You can't miss something like this
你不能错过这种机会
because someone else messed up.
只因为其他人把事情搞砸了
Are you sure you know what you're signing up for?
你确定你接下来会面对什么吗
Because this is just,
因为照顾这个家
it is so much harder than it looks.
比想像中的还难
I mean, parenting turns you into...
教育小孩会让你变成...
well, me.
我这样的疯婆
Come on, Mom, let her help.
拜托了妈让她帮忙吧
Then you can go on your weird,
然后你就可以去
grown-up field trip thingy.
那个奇怪的成人学术旅游了
Yeah, you don't understand
你不明白
what you're taking on.
接下来会怎么样
Okay, look, it's gonna be the weekend,
听着马上就是周末了
and Tommy's not gonna be in school,
汤米不用上学
which means he will be with you the whole time.
意思是他会一直在你身边
Paula, it's okay.
宝拉没事的
I've cleared my schedule.
我已经清空我的行程
I've only made plans for this.
我只会专心的处理这事
It'll all be fine.
没问题的啦
I swear, I can do it.
我发誓我做的到
Okay, so emergency numbers are in the..
好吧紧急联络号♥码在这...
Got it.
了解
Ugh. It's not that big a deal.
又不是天塌下来了
All I got to do is keep you alive for 48 hours.
我只要确保你存活48小时就好
Really? That's where we're setting the bar?
你认真的吗这也太随便了吧
Yeah, it is, kid, yeah it is.
是滴孩子就是这样
You know, I got to say, I think this whole mom thing
我真的得说我相信当妈妈这差事
is gonna be really easy.
一定会很简单的
Do you even have kids?
你有小孩吗
No, no, no.
哈啊当然没有
No, but I do have a lot of things that are more important
但我具备了很多更重要的事物
like my smarts,
比如老娘的聪明才智
my feminine intuition
做女人的直觉
and this amazing podcast
还有我开车过来时
called "MomTime Daily" that I started listening to
我在路上听到的博客
in the car on the way over here.
名叫 "每日妈咪"
On today's episode, we're talking allergies.
今天我们要来谈谈过敏
Peanuts, dairy, eggs,
花生乳制品蛋类
how do we let kids be kids, but still keep them safe?
如何让小孩好好成长又不受到危险
♪ Parenting ain't harrowing ♪
♪ 亲子教育一点都不郁闷 ♪
♪ Demanding or traumatic ♪
♪ 要求不多也不可怕 ♪
♪ Let's face facts, moms say that ♪
♪ 面对现实吧有妈妈说难 ♪
♪ When they're not this good at it ♪
♪ 只因为他们没天分 ♪
♪ Step aside, ladies, give your babies ♪
♪小姐闪一边宝宝给我 ♪
♪ To a Carol Brady-level matriarch ♪
♪ 让卡萝·布莱迪等级的家长来教你♪
♪ The only hard part of it is ♪
♪ 老娘唯一的烦恼 ♪
♪ How hard I'll hit this ♪
♪ 就是太会带孩子了♪
♪ When I knock it out the park ♪
♪ 宝宝丢一边公园里我睡我的♪
♪ Your hands Raise 'em up ♪
♪ 伸出你的双手 ♪
♪ Your glass Raise it up ♪
♪ 举起你的酒杯 ♪
♪ Low expectations Raise 'em up ♪
♪ 小孩当狗放着养 ♪
♪ Your children, I'm gonna Raise 'em up ♪
♪ 宝宝交给我一切没问题 ♪
♪ It's instinctual, I'm a natural ♪
♪ 老娘资质过人 ♪
♪ I'm tireless, multi-taskical ♪
♪ 别专心一心多用即可 ♪
♪ My mom game's aflame ♪
♪ 老娘育儿就是开外挂 ♪
♪ And it'll burn eternal ♪
♪ 看我杀你整条街 ♪
Damn, I'm so maternal.
靠我母性光辉普照众生啊
♪ So maternal ♪
♪ 当妈的料 ♪
♪ So maternal... ♪
♪ 唯有老娘 ♪
♪ So maternal ♪
♪ 散播母爱 ♪
Tommy, lunch!
汤米吃午餐
You're listening to "MomTime Daily."
您现在正收听 "每日妈咪"
And we are so honored to have supermom
我们很荣幸邀请到超级妈咪
Rebecca Bunch
瑞贝卡·宾治
here on our podcast today.
来到我们的博客节目
Rebecca, you are one of the most incredible moms
瑞贝卡小姐就算你没有小孩
I have ever seen, even though
但我从没见过像你一样
you don't have any children,
如此完美的妈妈
and you've only been babysitting for less than an hour.
而且你才当保姆一个小时而已
How do you do it? First of all,
您是怎么做到的首先
I want to say what an honor it is
我要感谢你们贵节目
for you to have me on your podcast.
邀请我来
You know, I guess I just instinctively get
你知道吗我觉得我就是有
how to be a mom,
一个当妈的本能
and that's what sets me apart from other "mothers."
只能说别的妈妈没这 "本能" 吧
Agreed. Other mothers are losers.
同意其他妈妈就是个废柴
Yes.
没错
♪ Gonna keep 'em warm, gonna keep 'em safe ♪
♪ 让小孩吃饱穿好 ♪
♪ Gonna keep their homework free of mistakes ♪
♪ 确保作业都写对 ♪
♪ If the kid gets hungry, I feed his face ♪
♪ 喂小孩如灌香肠 ♪
A real wholesome meal.
做正港的健康家庭料理
♪ Piece of cake ♪
♪ 一片蛋糕 ♪
Here, have a piece of cake.
来吃你的蛋糕
♪ Energy. Let's bring it up ♪
♪ 正能量聚集起来 ♪
♪ The volume DJ, bring it up ♪
♪ DJ 音乐大声点 ♪
♪ My spotlight Light guy, bring it up ♪
♪ 聚光灯照过来 ♪
♪ Your children Y'oughta let me bring 'em up ♪
♪ 你的孩砸狗砸我来带 ♪
♪ It comes easily ♪
♪ 轻轻松松 ♪
♪ It's effortless ♪
♪ 毫无压力 ♪
♪ Even Gwyneth said you're the best at this ♪
♪ 连葛妮丝都说你太会带孩子了♪
♪ In her well-respected online journal ♪
♪ 都写在她著名的网志里 ♪
Good God, I'm so maternal.
老天我母性光辉普照众生啊
♪ So maternal ♪
♪ 母性光辉 ♪
♪ So maternal ♪
♪ 普照众生 ♪
♪ So maternal... ♪
♪ 吸我母奶 ♪
♪ So maternal. ♪
♪ 唯我独尊 ♪
Parenting is the most
亲子教育是全世界
rewarding experience in the world.
最有成就感的事了
If you follow some commonsense guidelines,
假如你遵循简单的规则事项
you are bound to succeed.
哪有失败的道理
Shut up!
闭嘴啦
Hey, hey, hey, so, it's Saturday.
嘿嘿嘿今天周六
What do you want to do? I, uh, woke up early
你想做什么呢我早上起来
to turn on the cartoons,
想帮你拉开窗帘
but then you slept for three more hours, so...
结果你多睡了三小时...
You didn't make any plans for us?
你没有准备什么计划吗
No, you... what, what?
没有什么
You don't have anything to do?
你没有其他事情可做吗
You don't have baseball, or soccer, or improv?
没有棒球足球即兴练习吗
Like, don't you need to start
你不需要准备些活动
padding that resume for college?
好申请大学吗
College?
大学
Who needs college when you got this pretty face?
有我这张脸谁还需要大学
Wow, precocious. Uh, you know what?
哇有够早熟你知道吗
It's your day, so just tell me what you want to do.
你想做什么我今天都陪你
Anything? Anything at all.
任何事吗任何事都可以
I'm Mr. Mom, which means I'm a dad,
我是妈咪奶爸代表我可以充当爸爸
which means fun stuff.
代表可以玩好玩的
Great, I'd like to try smoking and beer.
那好我想要试试抽烟跟啤酒
Oh, and I'd like to see naked boobs.
还有我想看裸胸
They don't have to be yours, though.
不一定是要你的
Yeah, so none of that's legal.
这些都违法不行
Um, so why don't we
不如我们一起
just binge-watch a TV show?
看电视马拉松