好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S04E18
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 1:58 p.m.
Seems like only yesterday I could hold him in one arm.
感觉好像昨天我还能一只手把他揽进怀里
He didn't weigh more than eight or nine pounds.
他也就8或9磅的样子
He craps more than that now.
他现在拉的都比那个重
Where did the time go?
时间都哪里去了?
His childhood is almost over and there's still
他的童年马上就要结束了
so much stuff I want to do with him.
我还有很多事情想和他一起做呢
Like what?
比如?
You know, father-son stuff.
你知道 父子之间的事
Pretty soon, there'll be no more playing catch or riding bikes.
很快我们就再不会一起 捉迷藏或者骑自行车了
Do you realize I've never even taken him fishing or camping or hunting?
你意识到我从来没带他钓鱼野营或者打猎吗?
Do you know how to fish or camp or hunt?
你知道怎么钓鱼野营或者打猎吗?
That's not the point.
这不是重点
I-I-I thought we would learn together.
我想的是我们可以一起学
Oh, that sounds good.
哦 那听起来不错
You and knucklehead out in the woods
你和榆木脑袋在森林里
taking turns shooting each other in the ass.
轮流射对方的屁♥股♥
Okay, it's not so much about hunting, per se.
好吧 原本我就没计划太多开枪的内容
Per se. There's an outdoorsy phrase.
"原本" 这个词倒是挺有户外风情的
It's about bonding.
主要目的是建立感情纽带
Before you know it, he'll have no interest in spending time with me at all.
在我注意到之前 他已经没有兴趣和我共度时光了
Not unless you grow boobs and straddle a harley.
除非你长出波波并且骑着哈雷摩托
All right, look.
好了 听着
It doesn't help to whine about it.
你在这里抱怨也没有用
If you want to get lost in the woods with jerky gherkinheimer, go do it.
如果真想在树林里和榆木小笨瓜 一起迷路 就去吧!
My life is just one big joke to you, isn't it?
我的生活对你来说就是个大笑话对吗?
Actually, it's more of a limerick.
实际上 更像是一首打油诗
There once was a moron named al, who wanted to camp with his pal...
过去有个笨蛋叫Al 想去野营和他的哥们
any chance you can go camping in nantucket?
你们有没有可能去Nantucket野营?
So, charlie, where's the wife and kid?
那么...查理 你的"老婆"和孩子呢?
They went camping to do some father-son bonding.
他们去野营 建立"父子感情纽带"
alan: And when they looked at the door handle of the car,
但他们去看车门把手
there was nothing there...
那里什么都没有
but a hook.
除了一把钩子
A hook?That makes no sense.
钩子? 一点都讲不通啊
Oh, I left out a part.
哦 我少讲了一部分
Um, uh, okay, the guy who escaped from the insane asylum
那个从疯人院跑出来的家伙
had lost his hand in some kind of an industrial accident.
在什么工伤事故中失去了一只手
Anyway, they replaced it with a sharp metal hook.
他们给他换上了一只锋利的铁钩
And it was said hook that was stuck on the aforementioned door handle.
那只铁钩正挂在前面所说的门把手上
dad, over the past three birthdays I've gotten $175 in bookstore gift cards.
爸爸 过去的三个生日我都会 得到一张175美元金额的购书卡
They're yours if we can just go home.
如果我们现在回家三张卡就是你的了
No, no, we're having fun.
不不 我们正开心着呢
Hey, I know-- we'll sing a song.
嘿 我知道了 我们唱首歌♥吧
On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese
在意大利面上淋着芝士
come on, you used to love this one.
来吧 你过去很喜欢这首歌♥的
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed it rolled off the table and...
有人打喷嚏的时候 我弄掉了 肉丸子 它滚下了桌子
onto the floor!
掉到了地上
come on!
一起唱吧!
And then my poor meatball rolled right out the door.
而我可怜的肉丸子滚出了门
Oh, come on.We had an adventure.
哦 拜托 我们这是探险经历
Dad... yeah, buddy?
爸爸... 什么事 伙计?
Bite me.
扯蛋
You'll see.Someday you and and I will look back
等着吧 有一天你和我回想起
on this weekend and laugh and laugh...
这个周末会笑得前仰后...
I didn't say someday soon.
我不指望这天很快到来
Hey, come on.
嘿 拜托
I thought you liked wet t-shirts.
我以为你喜欢"湿衫"呢
Hey.Hey.
嘿 嘿
Shut up.
闭嘴
Oh, come on, alan.We both know I can't do that.
哦 拜托 艾伦 我们都清楚我闭不上嘴
What do you want me to say, that it was a bad idea?
你想让我说什么? 这是个坏主意?
Okay, it was a bad idea.
好吧 这是个坏主意
And the only thing we bonded over was our mutual discomfort
我们建立的唯一纽带就是同样的难受
with pooping into a coffee can.
以及在同一个咖啡罐里便便
It wasn't chock full o' nuts, was it?
便便里面不会还都是果仁吧?
Sorry, sorry.Where's jake?
抱歉 抱歉 杰克在哪里?
He went back to his friends in hooterville.
他去"奶♥子♥村"找朋友们去了(指杰克的房♥间)
Well, I can't blame him.
不能怪他
It never rains in hooterville.
"奶♥子♥村"可从不下雨啊
Look, alan, seriously, I'm, I'm sorry it didn't work out.
听着 艾伦 说真的 我很遗憾没能奏效
I know your heart was in the right place.
我知道你是一片好意
Thank you.
多谢
Now, I finished the limerick.You want to hear it?
那么...我把打油诗写完了 想听听吗?
Too soon?
现在开玩笑还太早了?
You don't get it.
你都不明白
You don't understand what it's like to be a little boy's best friend,
你不理解成为一个小男孩最好的朋友 那种感觉
to be someone he looks up to,
成为他仰视的对象
and then one day you turn around
而某天你回头一看
and the only person he looks up to is covered with baby oil
他仰视的唯一对象涂满了婴儿油
and nailed to the ceiling.
而且钉在天花板上
Count your blessings.
这算你运气了
There's all kinds of pictures that could have been up there.
还可能有更差的照片被钉在那里呢
Yeah, I guess.
是啊 我猜是的
It could have been the moscow ballet.
有可能是莫斯科芭蕾舞团呢! (同志喜欢的东西)
I got it.Still,
我明白 但我还是
I can't help but feel a little empty inside,
感到心里空荡荡的
like, like a chapter of my life is over.
就像 就像我人生的一章结束了
So?You've still got plenty to look forward to.
那又如何? 你还有很多事情值得期待呢
You mean, besides work, loneliness and death?
你是说 除了工作 孤独 和死亡?
Absolutely.
当然了
There's memory loss...
会有丧失记忆
impotence, adult diapers.
阳痿 成人纸尿裤
I'm all you've got, pal.
我就是你的一切了 伙计
Thatssrue.
这倒是真的
O my wives are gone, my son is grown, but I'll always have you...
我老婆走了 我儿子大了 但你始终在我身旁
my brother.
我的兄弟
Forever.
永远!
Okay, now, I was just having fun, but that was mean.
好了 我只是在开玩笑 但是你这么说也太恶毒了!
Well, when will he be back?
好吧 他什么时候回来?
All right, tell him I called again.
好 告诉他我打电♥话♥了来 又一次!
Boy, some agent.
好家伙 这是什么经纪人啊
He never calls, he never returns my calls.
从不给我打电♥话♥ 也从不回我的电♥话♥
I'm almost sorry I let him feel me up.
我几乎要后悔让他摸我了
I guess that's showbiz.
我想演艺圈就是这样吧
That's what he said.
他也是这么说的
Uh, listen, kandi...
恩 听着 康迪
I really thought they liked me at that audition.
我真的以为他们面试时挺喜欢我的
They had me read three times, and then all the jumping jacks.
他们让我念了三遍台词 还让我做跳跃运动
Jumping jacks?
跳跃运动?
It's an action series, alan.
是种动作 艾伦
They need to know that I'm fit.
他们需要知道我体型合适
Ah.Uh, listen, kandi, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
恩 听着 康迪 我有些事情要告诉
If it's about the divorce papers I haven't signed them yet.
如果是关于离婚协议我还没有签字呢
No, no, that's not why I'm here.
不不 我不是为这个来的
Um, sweetie, do you remember why we split up?
亲爱的 你还记得为什么我们分手吗?
The big reason or all the little reasons?
主要原因还是众多小原因?
'Cause there were a lot of little reasons, alan.
主要原因 有很多小原因
I know.
我知道
Like the way yd d toenaienen grow all crazy.
比如你的脚指甲长得太快
Right.Got it. And your ear hair and your nose hair.
对 明白 还有你的耳毛和鼻毛也长太快
And that one long hair on your back, yuck!
还有你背上的那根长毛 恶心!
Wait, forget the little reasons.
好吧 别提那些小原因
Just, just the big one.
说主要的
Yeah, you didn't want to have a baby, and I did.
对哦 你不想要孩子而我想
Right.Well, what would you say if I were to tell you
如果我告诉你我改变主意了
that I've changed my mind about that?
你怎么说?
Really? Yeah,
真的? 没错
I've just been thinking that jake is almost grown
我最近在想杰克已经快要长大了
and there's still a lot of daddy left in me.
而我却还想继续作爸爸
So you want to have a baby?
这么说你想要孩子?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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