好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S04E03

Part 3 Nov. 17, 2020, 1:56 p.m.

That fish shot out of me like there was a fire drill.
吃的鱼全吐出来了就像抢着消防演习似的
The point is, I love you.
重点是我爱你
The point is, I lost 4 pounds in 2 days.
重点是我两天之内瘦了四磅
Well, you do look thinner.
啊你确实看起来瘦多了
It's too late for flattery darling,
现在说奉承话太迟了亲爱的
now what is going on with your brother?
你哥哥到底怎么啦
I don't think he'd be very happy with me if I told you.
我告诉你他会不高兴的
Sweetheart, you're not his favorite person now...
小甜心你现在也不是他最喜欢的人
OK. Here's the thing...
好吧事情是这样
Charlie almost drowned yesterday.
查理昨天差点淹死了
Oh, dear Lord,
噢我的上帝
I told him over and over again.
我都告诉他多少遍了
2 drinks max in the hot tub.
至多两瓶酒就顶一盆热水
No, he was surfing.
不他是在冲浪
In the hot tub?
在浴缸里?
In the ocean.
在海里
Start again.
再说一遍
He was trying to impress some girl...
他想讨好一个姑娘
Oh, OK.
噢噢明白了
Like the time
就像那次他玩绳球
he broke his nose playing taboo.
打破了鼻子一样
Exactly.
就是那样
Anyway... He was convinced he was near death, and...
不管怎么说他坚信自己濒临死亡的边缘
that he saw dad.
而且还看到了爸爸
He saw your father?
他看到了你♥爸♥爸?
Wow...
哇哦
How did he look?
他看起来什么样
He was just kind of a floating head.
嗯他只是一个漂浮的脑袋
Yeah, that's pretty much how I remember him.
啊那跟我印象中的差不多
Fairly useless from the neck down.
脖子以下的部分基本上没用
Anyway... Dad told Charlie to take care of you.
不管怎样爸爸告诉他要好好照顾你
Really?
是真的?
Anything else?
还有别的吗
No that's it,
没了就是这些
just for him to take care of you.
就是让他好好照顾你
It's like I might as well not even exist.
就像我最好不存在一样
Oh Alan, you can't take that personally.
噢你不要太主观了
First of all, Charlie was a planned baby.
首先查理是计划内的孩子
What was I?
那我是什么
Well dear, you were a pitcher of margaritas
亲爱的你是margaritas酒后中的标
and a gas station condom.
和一个加油站买♥♥的安全套
I had a nice solid stream of urine,
我撒了一大泡尿
thank you very much.
谢谢你的关心
What?
什么
My prostate is fine.
我的前列腺没问题
What kind of table talk is that?
这都说了些什么
You're the one that brought it up!
是你先挑起头的
It doesn't matter who brought it up,
问题不在于谁先起头的
I don't want to hear about it while I'm eating!
我不想在吃饭的时候听到这些
You know what,
知道吗
this lunch was a bad idea...
吃午餐这主意简直遭透了
No, don't say that darling,
不别那么说亲爱的
it was a wonderful idea.
这是个很好的主意
If I'm being ungracious, I apologize.
如果我表现得不文雅我道歉
Alright, let's call it "ungracious".
那好就算是"不文雅"吧
Now we all know what we're thinking.
不过我们都知道我们心里是怎么想的
I guess... I'm just a little edgy because... well...
我知道自己是有点紧张那是因为嗯...
Never mind.
别那样没关系的
What?
什么
Forget it, my problems are my problems.
算了我的问题是我的问题
I don't expect you to... take care of me.
我可不指望你来"照顾"我
Mom, just for the sake of argument,
妈为了更好的说明
let's say that I wanted to take care of you,
咱们还是把它叫做我"想要"照顾你
what's going on?
到底什么事
Nothing.
没什么事
I'm just having a little minor surgery tomorrow.
只不过我明天有个小小的手术
What kind of surgery?
那是哪种手术
It's a woman thing...
那是女人的事
Is there anything I can do?
我能做点什么吗
Just keep me in your prayers.
祷告的时候别忘了我
No, no, no...
不不不
I will drive you there,
我开车送你过去吧
and then take you back to my place so you can recuperate.
然后带你到我的住处住几天好让你恢复
Oh sweetheart, that's very generous,
哦甜心你能这样真是太好了
but I don't want to be a burden.
不过我不想成为一个负担
Mom please... That ship has sailed.
妈答应吧负担你的那艘船已经开走了
Well then, I accept.
那好吧我接受
Thank you.
谢谢
Who buys condoms at a gas station!
谁在加油站买♥♥避孕套?!
Watch your step here...
小心脚下
Thank you darling.
谢谢你亲爱的
What happened to your mouth?
你的嘴巴怎么啦
I just had a little procedure.
我刚刚做了点小小的改动
What kind of procedure?
那是什么改动
They sucked some fat out of her ass, and shot it into her lips.
他们从她屁♥股♥上抽出点脂肪塞进了她的嘴唇里
What did they do, use the whole ass?
他们都干些什么啦用上了整个屁♥股♥?
They're just a little swollen,
现在只是有点肿
in 2 days they'll be plump, luscious and ready for action.
过两天就会变得丰满性感并且开始起作用了
What boy doesn't like hearing that from his mother?
哪个男孩不想从他妈嘴里听到这些话?
Charlie, I need to sit down.
查理我得坐下
I got you covered.
好把这个垫上
I thought you said it was a woman thing?
我记得你说过那是女人的事
You know any guys dumb enough to do this?
你见过什么人有这么不明智的吗
Good Lord!
我的上帝
What did you do, fellate a bee hive?
你怎么啦跟马蜂窝亲嘴了吗
Fellate?
亲嘴?
I read, I can conjugate.
我识字我懂动词的变化
Man the last time I saw a mouth like that,
夫人上次我看见那样的嘴巴的时候
it was "tourn?Jacques Cousteau."
它正想吃 Jacques Cousteau呢
There you go, Mom. Nice bite size pieces.
妈妈给你好咬的小片
Thank you, darling.
谢谢你亲爱的
Dad says you got your butt in your lips.
老爸说你把屁♥股♥塞进了嘴巴里
Just eat your dinner.
吃你的饭
Hang on...
等一下
So, if you burp now, it'd really be a fart, right?
要是你现在打嗝那就真成了放屁了不是吗
Eat.
吃饭
Charlie, my donut's too soft.
查理我的小圈圈气不足了
So Jake, has your mother succeeded in
这么说杰克你妈妈已经
turning you against me yet?
教会你怎么和我作对了?
Mom...
妈
What... You don't think she talks?
什么你不觉得她教过了吗
You don't think he listens?
你不觉得他听进去了吗
Trust me Alan, even the mind of a dull child
相信我艾伦就是最迟钝的孩子
can be forced in by a malicious parent.
也会被一个恶毒的家长带坏的
Can we just please change the subject?
咱们能换个话题吗
Although I must say, I prefer your mother to
尽管我得说跟那个代替你妈位置的
that post-pubescent knucklehead your father
还处在青春期的蠢蛋比起来
replaced her with.
我更喜欢你妈妈
OK, OK, that's it.
好了好了够了
What, I changed the subject!
什么我换了个话题了
Come on Jake, we're going to the movies.
来吧杰克咱们去看电影
On a school night?
在上学日的晚上?
Why not, you're flunking anyway.
干嘛不反正你也及不了格
Wait, wait, you're just leaving me?
等等等等你们就把我一个人留在这儿
You're taking care of Mom, remember?
你要照顾好妈妈还记得吗
That's not fair.
这不公平
You got a complaint? Take it to the floating head.
你又有不满了? 去告诉那个漂浮的脑袋吧
So how is work?
你工作怎么样
Fine.
还好
Are you seeing anybody special?
没有跟什么人约会吗