好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S04E12
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 1:57 p.m.
Jake, bed.
杰克 睡觉
Hold on, Dad. Call ya.
等一下 爸 我跟
Pocket aces.
一对A
What do you got?
你是什么牌?
You heard your father. Go to bed.
你听见你♥爸♥说的了 快去睡
He's been betting on garbage all night.
他整个晚上都不知在赌什么东西
You let a 12-year-old beat you at poker?
你玩扑克输给一个12岁的小孩?
He's 12 and a half.
他12岁半了
What's going on with your ear, Dumbo?
你的耳朵怎么了 蠢蛋?
It's just a little swelling.
只是有一点肿起来
It's normal.
很正常
You don't want to be flying around in circles.
你最好另一边也穿洞 这样才不会绕着圈圈飞来飞去
It's fine.
不会有事的
Listen, th-there's something I need to get off my chest.
听我说 有一件事我必须要解决
If you don't see a doctor soon,it'll be your earlobe.
如果你再不去看医生 那就是你的耳垂要被解决
Are you going to listen or what? Sorry.
你到底是要不要听我讲? 抱歉
I'm all ears. No, wait, that's you.
我洗"耳"恭听 不 等一下 那是你
You know what? Forget about it.
你知道吗? 算了
No, no, no, no, come on. Talk to me. (sighs)
不 不 不 快点 跟我讲吧
It's about the girl I'm dating.
是和跟我约会的女生有关
Berta's daughter.
贝塔的女儿
How didyou know?
你怎么知道?
Your idiot son doesn't have a single tell,
从你的白♥痴♥儿子脸上看不出什么
but you I can read like a stop sign.
但你的话 就像看交通号♥志一样容易
Okay.
好吧
I was going to build up to the big reveal, but I...
我想要尽量掩饰 不过我...
Just cut to the chase.
直接说重点吧
You remember how I had a little crush on Naomi when she was pregnant?
你还记得娜奥米怀孕时 我有一点迷恋她吗?
A little crush?
一点迷恋?
You were like a monkey trying to hump a watermelon.
你那时就像一只想上了西瓜的猴子
Are you going to let me tell the story?
你到底要不要听我讲?
I'm just fact-checking.
我只是在陈述事实
Go ahead.
继续
Anyway, after she had the baby, we stayed in touch,
总之 在她生完小孩后 我们有保持连络
and I got to know her and the baby and...
而我也开始认识她和小孩 而且...
I'm starting to care about both of them.
我也开始关心她们两个
Aw, buddy, you got a heart as big as your ear.
噢 老兄 你有一颗跟你耳朵一样大的心
But you're falling into the same trap you always do.
但是你又掉进了跟以前一样的陷井里
What's that?
那是什么?
You're a pathological rescuer.
你有"救助者"妄想症
Ever since you're a little kid,
从你小时候就这样了
bringing home that stray three-legged cat.
把那只三脚猫带回家
Oh, yeah, Tippy.
哦 对 Tippy
And finding the sick baby bird...
然后又发现了生病的小鸟...
Mm. ...feeding it with an eyedropper,nursing it back to health.
用点眼药器喂它 让它康复
Until Tippy ate it.
直到Tippy吃了它
And it's the same thing with women.
而你现在对女人也一样
You constantly seek out these damaged, needy broads.
你不断的在寻找那些受过伤 又贫穷的女人
You know, you're right.
你知道 你说的没错
Maybe subconsciously
也许在潜意识里
I'm hoping that if I save them, they'll love me.
我希望我救了她们后 她们会爱上我
Perhaps.
也许
Or subconsciously you realize the only way an emotionally healthy,
或者潜意识里 你认为身心健康
self-supporting woman
自给自足的女生
would pick you up is on a scavenger hunt.
只有捡破烂的才会看上你
But... we digress.
不过...我们离题了
Please continue with your star-crossed love story.
请继续你那倒霉的爱情故事
Well, Naomi and I have been sneaking around behind Berta's back
娜奥米和我一直在贝塔背后偷偷摸摸的
and...
所以...
I'm starting to feel guilty about it.
我开始觉得有罪恶感
You want my advice?
你要听我的建议吗?
Live with the guilt and see a doctor before that thing grows teeth.
继续偷偷摸摸 然后在那东西长出牙齿前快去看医生
But don't you think the honorable thing would be to tell Berta?
但你不觉得直接告诉贝塔比较光彩吗?
Sure, honorable's one way to go.
当然 那也是一个办法
But may I remind you that this is a woman who's been known to lift the stove with one hand
不过我要提醒你 这个女的可是曾经一手举起炉灶
in order to beat a mouse to death with the other.
为的是要用另一只手打死老鼠
How much honor you think that little fella had?
你觉得那小东西有多光彩?
Oh... now you're just being silly.
哦...你现在只是在说傻话
I mean, Berta's not going to physically assault me.
我是说 贝塔不会对我做出身体上的攻击
I hope you're right.
我希望你是对的
I've grown to enjoy these little talks.
我已经成熟到很享受这样的对话
Why don't you just pay me what you owe me?
你干嘛不直接把欠我的钱给我?
I don't owe you till we're done.
在结束前我不欠你任何钱
Now throw the dice.
快掷骰子
Oh, you just suck.
哦 你只是运气好
I wouldn't need a job if I joined the Army.
如果我从军的话就不需要工作了
You can't join the Army. Why not?
你不能从军 为什么?
Because you already are all that you can be.
因为你就是这副德性不会再变了
You remember my little burden Naomi.
你记得我的小女儿娜奥米
Oh, sure, I remember her. Hi.
哦 当然 我记得她 嗨
She's got job interviews this afternoon.
她下午要去面试
I'm gonna watch the baby.
我要帮她顾小孩
How are you going to work and watch the baby?
你要怎么边工作边顾小孩?
Who said I was gonna work?
谁说过我要工作了?
Hey, Alan.
嘿 艾伦
Look who's here.
看是谁来了
Oh. HHello. Hi.
哦 哈啰 嗨
Um... Nancy, right?
呃... Nancy 对吧?
Uh, Naomi. Naomi. Naomi, sure.
呃 娜奥米. 娜奥米 娜奥米 没错
Been a long time.
太久没见了
Sure has.
没错
And this must be your baby.
这一定是你的小孩了
Oh, isn't she cute?
她很可爱不是吗?
Oh, thanks.
谢谢
And there's the proud grandma.
那位就是她的外婆了
Look at her beaming.
看她多么容光焕发
Well, dip me in butter and roll me in nuts.
哦 你真是让我惊讶
I, too, am shocked.
我也很震惊
So you're the sleazeball she's been running around with.
所以你就是那个和她搞在一起的男人
Oh, Alan, how could you?
哦 艾伦 你怎么可以这样?
I-It's my fault, Mom.
这是我的错 妈
Alan wanted to tell you.
艾伦本想告诉你的
No, no, it's, it's my responsibility.
不 不 这... 这是我的责任
If you're gonna do anything, do it to me.
如果你想打人 就打我吧
Welcome to the family.
欢迎来到我们家
Rise the sun, sleepy head.
太阳快晒到屁♥股♥了
I made you breakfast. Really?
我帮你做了早餐 真的吗?
Need to have your morning tinkle first?
要不要先解决起床后的生理需求?
No, I'm okay.
不 不用了
Good.
好
I made all your favorites:
我做了你最喜欢的
scrambled egg whites, turkey bacon,
炒蛋 培根肉
rye toast no butter, decaf coffee.
黑麦土司不加奶油 咖啡
Well, thank you.
谢谢
You eat like a 90-year-old man with stomach cancer,but I don't judge.
你吃的像是个得了胃癌的90岁男人 但我不会批评你
So...
那么...
what do you and my little girl have planned for today?
你和我女儿今天有什么计划?
Maybe a romantic walk on the beach?
浪漫的在海滩上散步?
A cozy picnic?
去野餐?
I could pack you a lunch.
我可以帮你们打包午餐
Uh, gee, Berta, I don't...
呃 贝塔 我没有...
Or how about this?
不然这样如何?
I'll watch the baby
我来顾小孩
and you two can spend the afternoon in bed gettin' sticky.
然后你们两个下午可以在床上翻云覆雨
Ah, well, uh, as lovely as that sounds,
呃 这个...听起来很诱人
I wasn't really planning on seeing Naomi today.
不过我今天没有计划要和娜奥米见面
Why not? What's wrong?
为什么? 怎么了?
Oh, please don't tell me there's something wrong.
拜托 别跟我说你们之间有问题了
I mean, you ain't much, but you're the best she ever had.
我是说 你并没有多优 但已经是她遇过最好的了
No, no, nothing's wrong.
不 不 没什么问题
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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