好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S04E04

Part 2 Nov. 17, 2020, 1:56 p.m.

and I thought, you know,
我想你知道
who better than the rabid jackal
那个比得狂犬病的胡狼更厉害的律师
who ripped my lungs out in my first divorce?
就是我第一次离婚时让我脱几层皮的那个
You want my lawyer?
你想找我的律师吗
Well, I certainly don't want mine.
啊我当然不想找我自己的
Gee, I'm sorry, but I can't give him to you.
哦艾伦对不起可我不能把他介绍给你
Why not?
为什么
Because I already gave him to Kandi.
我跟康迪说好要介绍给她了
You're joking, right?
你在开玩笑对吧
No, I'm smiling, but I'm not joking.
我是在笑但不是在开玩笑
Why would you do that?
你为什么要那么做
I don't know. Kicks.
我不知道
Oh, Judith, when did you start hating me so much?
噢朱迪丝你什么时候开始这么恨我了
Well, let's see. I disliked you when we were married.
让我看看我们结婚的时候我很讨厌你
I resented you when we divorced.
我们离婚的时候我怨过你
But I don't think I hated you
但是没恨你
until you started having sex with that gorgeous 22-year-old dumbbell.
后来你竟然跟那个22岁的超级笨蛋发♥生♥关♥系♥
Okay, well, thanks for clearing that up.
好吧那么谢谢你解释这一切
Okay, bye-bye.
再见
Look, if you really wanna make some extra cash
瞧你要是想赚点外快的话
we can find some chores for you to do.
我肯定咱们能给你找点家务活干
Oh, yeah, there's big money in that.
哦是的那里面有很多油水可捞呢
What kind of chores?
干些什么活?
Well, let's see.
好吧让我看看
You could take out the garbage,
你可以整理一下我的车♥库♥
sweep up the garage, wash my car.
打扫一下洗洗车什么的
No, none of those sound good.
不这听起来可不像什么好主意
Tell you what.
知道吗
I'll give you 10 bucks
我付你十块
if you can eat this entire tub of ice cream
只要你能在20分钟里
in less than 20 minutes.
把这罐冰淇淋全都吃下去
Okay. Charlie, that'll shoot out of him
好吧
like Ben & Jerry on rocket skates.
查理那样会让他很快
Here. Eat these instead.
来换吃这个吧
By the time they get through you,
到你全都吃完的时候
it will be your mother's problem.
就该你妈来管了
All of them in 20 minutes, right?
20分钟全部吃完对吗
Yep.
对
Then can I have the ice cream?
吃完了能再吃点冰淇淋吗?
Uh-oh.
哦哦
Alan, you should've called.
艾伦你应该先打电♥话♥
I didn't feel like calling. I wanna see my dog.
我不想打电♥话♥ 我想见我的狗
Well, maybe he doesn't wanna see you.
那么它可能不想见你吧
Why don't we let him decide?
为什么不让它来决定呢
No, he's been through enough.
不它已经够伤心的了
Oh, really? Did he tell you that?
哦真的吗它告诉你了吗
How could he tell me anything?
它怎么会告诉我呢
You know as well as I do that
你跟我一样清楚
he keeps everything bottled up.
它喜欢把一切都闷在心里
Damn it, Kandi,
真该死康迪, 我想见我的...
I wanna see my Don't you yell at me.
别对我大喊大叫的
If you have anything to say,
你有什么话
say it to my lawyer.
就对我的律师说去吧
Maybe I will.
我会的
Honey, Alan has something he wants to say to you.
亲爱的艾伦有话要和你说
Hey, Alan.
嘿
What's up?
什么事
It's you.
是你...
The jackal.
那个帮凶
Oh, that hurts. Ahem.
哦这真让我难过
Listen, as long as you're here,
对了既然你在这儿
is your billing address still the same?
你帐单支付的地址没变吧
Uh-huh.
恩恩
Great. Well, I guess I'll see you in court.
好极了那么法庭上见
Oh. And don't worry.
哦别担心
I'm not gonna bill you for this consultation.
我不会为这次咨♥询♥付钱给你的
There's nothing legal going on here.
这不算合法程序
Un-freaking-believable.
简直不敢相信
It's like watching a pot-smoking monkey.
就像看猴子抽大烟一样
Ten dollars, please.
给我十块
Serves me right betting against a kid
我是自找的跟一个小孩打赌
who can eat a Happy Meal, toys and all.
有谁能把吃大餐当消遣
Thank you.
谢谢
What are you doing?
你在干什么
You taught me always do my own count.
你告诉过我得自己数一遍
Yeah, but you can trust me.
对但是你可以相信我
Seven, eight,
...七八...
nine?
九?
It was an honest mistake.
那是我刚才数错了
I'm sure.
肯定是
So, what are you gonna do with your winnings?
那么你打算拿这笔奖金干什么
It's a secret.
保密
So it's a girl.
那么肯定是个姑娘
How did you know?
你怎么知道的
I didn't.
我不知道
Then it isn't.
那就不是的
Come on. Tell me about her.
得了跟我讲讲吧
Maybe I can help.
我可能帮上点忙
I don't think so.
我可不这么想
Are you kidding?
你瞧不起我吗?
Who knows more about girls than your Uncle Charlie?
还有谁比你的查理叔叔更了解女孩?
Warren Beatty, Bill Clinton, Rosie o'Donnell.
有Warren Beatty, Bill Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell
Why should I talk to you?
为什么我要告诉你
You've messed up every relationship
你每次谈恋爱的时候
you've ever been in.
都把一切搞得一团糟
Well, yeah
啊对不过...
So you're not exactly a good example.
所以你可不是一个好榜样
I get it. If I were old enough to have one-night stands
明白了我是说要是我到了可以一♥夜♥情♥的...
All right, you've made your point.
够了够了你已经说清楚了
So don't talk to me.
所以不要再跟我说了
Okay. I won't.
不会了好好
Okay. Good.
好极了
Will you drive me to the mall?
你能开车送我去购物中心吗
Why?
去干吗
It's private.
是个私人问题
So is my car.
我的车也是
All right, I wanna buy a present.
好吧我想买♥♥个礼物
For?
为谁
It's a secret.
秘密
I'll throw in another 10.
再赌十元
Aha. A present for Wendy Cho.
啊哈送给Wendy Cho的礼物
Now, is this an offering to grease the wheels
哦,这是一个为了拉近关系的礼物
or a parting gift for the wheels having already been greased?
还是为了脱离已经拉近了的关系的礼物?
Grease the wheels?
拉近关系?
See, that's why I don't talk to you about this stuff.
瞧,这就是为什么我不要跟你说这件事情的原因
Well, he may be as dull as a butter knife
好极了他也许反应迟钝
but you got to admit, he's a good judge of character.
但你不得不钦佩他的判断力
Are you sure
你确定
it doesn't have anything to do with sex?
那个性♥爱♥没有任何关系
Positive.
绝对肯定
Huh. Sure sounds like it.
哈恩. 相信是真的
Subpoenas.
"传票"
Hang in there, Chester.
我来接你了切斯特
Daddy's coming.
爸爸来了
Oh, please, please, please.
哦别别别别
Yes, she didn't change the lock.
耶她还没有换锁
But that's new.
但那是新加的
I like those.
我喜欢这些
Skull earrings?
骨制耳环
Yeah, they're silver and they got ruby eyes.
是的是银的上面还有红宝石