好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S04E11
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 1:57 p.m.
...so I don't have to schlepp back here tomorrow and mess up my day.
这样我就不用明天再过来 然后毁了我的一天
Charlie? Rose!
查理? 萝丝
How could you have a Christmas party and not invite me.
你怎么能开圣诞派对而不邀请我?
This isn't a Christmas party. What do you call it?
这不是圣诞派对 不然是什么?
The beggining of a new story that
一个新的故事
ends with the phrase: "then turned the gun on himself"
最后用 "然后他拿枪瞄准了自己"这句话做结束
Allright, allright. Everybody listen up, listen to me.
好了 好了 大家听着 听我说
There is no party. You all have to leave now...
没有什么派对 你们现在全部得走
because a beautiful woman is coming over...
因为有一个美丽的女人要过来
and I intend to get her drunk and have sex with her.
而且我想要把她灌醉 然后跟她做♥爱♥
That's a good plan.
不错的计划
Except I'm already drunk.
不过我已经醉了
Boy, I can't wait 'till the second act.
哇 我等不及要看第二幕
Here we go. More fuel for the fire.
来了 让你的欲♥火♥添加燃料
You said you were going home.
你说你要回家了
Well, that was before I knew you're having a party.
那是因为我不知道你要开派对
This isn't a party.
这不是派对
It's just a bunch of people I don't like standing around drinking my booze.
这只是一堆我不喜欢的人 占了我的地盘 喝我的酒
Oh, crap. It is a party.
糟糕 这真的是派对
Gimme that.
给我
I'd love to know what those two are talking about.
我真想知道她们两个在讲些什么
I could tell you. I read lips.
我可以告诉你 我会读唇语
Really? Yep.
真的吗? 是的
Now you're date is saying...
现在 你的女伴在说
A wily ostrich sank my boat.
一只狡猾的驼鸟弄沉了我的船
I have a little congestion in my upper chest. Can you take a look at it?
我胸部的上面有点闷 你可以帮我看一下吗?
Oh well I could... Kandi, he's a pediatrician.
哦 我可以 康迪 他是小儿科医生
He only treats children. Now hold on.
他只看小孩子 等一下
There's no actual age limit.
其实并没有什么年龄限制
I took an oath to ease suffering wherever I find it.
我宣誓过要对所有病人一视同仁
Alan, a word.
艾伦 借一步说话
Oh, good. A word.
哦 太好了 借一步说话
I don't have my stethoscope,
我没带听诊器
so why don't you just breathe in and out for me.
所以我直接靠着 然后你呼吸给我看
Make this stop.
快阻止
I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about.
抱歉 我不知道你在讲什么?
Don't screw with me. Tell your ex-wife to stop flirting with my fianc?
别跟我装蒜 叫你前妻别再跟我未婚夫调情
Gee, that's funny.
真有趣
the way I see it, your peanut butter is all over my chocolate.
在我看起来 是你的花生酱涂满了我的巧克力
Damn it, Alan, I can make your life a living hell.
该死 艾伦 我可以让你过的像活在地狱
How would I know the difference?
那和我现在有什么差别?
Cough again.
再咳一次
Once more.
再一次
Let's have a little pow-wow.
我们来旁边聊一下
She might have a touch of the croup.
她有可能是得了哮喘
Listen, Herb. So you were married to her?
听我说 贺伯 你和她结过婚?
Yes, we were married.
是的 我们结过婚
Herb, Judith is getting really upset with you.
贺伯 茱蒂丝现在有点不爽
So you got to see her naked?
所以你看过她的裸体?
Stay with me Herb.
认真听我讲 贺伯
Your fianc閑 is very angry. Really? How come?
你的未婚妻非常的生气 真的吗? 为什么?
I don't know. Maybe it's because you were trying to use Kandi's nipple as a Q-Tip.
我不知道 也许是因为 你把康迪的奶头当棉花棒来用
It's Ok. I'm a doctor.
没关系的 我是一个医生
Just do yourself a favor, go pay some attention to Judith.
帮自己一个忙 多把注意力放在茱蒂丝上
Oh, allright.
哦 好吧
Some party, huh?
派对 是吧?
Yeah, I'm glad I didn't waste this buzz on the bus.
是啊 很高兴我没把时间浪费在公交车上
Here comes your mom. Act like you didn't know what they were saying.
你妈过来了 快装做你不知道她们刚刚在讲什么
Charlie. I must talk to you. I know. Why is that?
查理 我得和你谈谈 我知道 要谈什么?
How serious is your relationship with Gloria?
你和这个女的交往到什么程度?
Not that it's any of your business, but this is our second date.
跟你一点关系都没有 不过这是我们第2次约会
What happened on the first date?
第1次约会时做了什么?
He went out to dinner, he took her home and made out a little bit in the car.
他们去用晚餐 然后他送她回家时在车上亲热了一下
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to tell it?
哦 很抱歉 你有打算说吗?
So you haven't slept together. Not yet.
也就是说你们还没上♥床♥ 还没
Oops, here I go again. That's good.
噢 我又来了 太好了
Darling, you need to end this relationship now.
亲爱的 你必须马上结束这段关系
Why?
为什么?
Do you trust me? No.
你相信我吗? 不
Ok, but you know I have your best interest at heart, don't you?
好吧 但你知道我内心 其实是很关心你的 对吧?
No.
不知道
Allright, then let me put it this way.
好吧 那我这样说好了
I forbid you to see this woman anymore.
我禁止你和这个女的交往
You forbid?
你禁止?
What gives you to forbid? I'm 39 years old.
你凭什么禁止? 我都39岁了
I'm your mother, you're 40, and you must not see this woman anymore.
因为我是你妈 你40岁了 所以你不准再和这个女的交往
Mom, you know that just makes me want her more.
妈 你知道这样只会让我更想要她
Charlie, I mean it.
查理 我是说真的
I'm getting hotter.
我欲♥火♥越来越大了
Look. I know certain things about Gloria's past wich are, well... unsavory.
听我说 我知道一些关于格洛里亚的过去 有一点 不名誉
Ok, I'm going supernova.
好 欲♥火♥大到快爆♥炸♥了
Would you listen to me?
听我的话好吗?
If you continue to see this woman, it will hurt me deeply.
如果你继续和这个女的交往 会深深的伤了我
I may have to marry this girl.
也许我该娶这个女的
Okay, okay. You give me no choice.
好吧 我别无选择了
Who are you calling?
你要打给谁?
It's probably about the ostrich and the boat.
大概跟驼鸟和船有关
Charlie, I'm getting pretty drunk, so if you like a girl who moves
查理 我醉到快挂了 如果你想和某个女生有进展
you better do me soon.
最好现在就上了我
Follow me.
跟我来
Aw, ain't that sweet? Everytime a guy has sex and angel gets a stiffie.
这不是很有趣吗? 每次只要一个男的做♥爱♥ 就会有一个女的喝醉
Will you look at them?
你看看他们好吗?
Oh, I completely forgot about the subplot.
哦 我完全忘了还有次要情节
What do you want me to do, Judith? He's your man. You want him, fight for him.
你要我怎么做 茱蒂丝? 他是你的男人 你想要他 就得为他而战
How could I compete with that?
我要怎么和她竞争?
There's no competition. Herb loves you.
没什么好竞争的 贺伯爱的是你
You have a mature, sophisticated relationship based on mutual respect.
你们的关系是建立在互相尊重的基础上 成熟而稳定
All Kandi has is...
而康迪有的只是
There will be other men...
天涯何处无男人
Just get her as soon as you can!
反正尽快赶过来就对了
Where's Charlie? Oh, dammit!
查理呢? 哦 该死
Oh, I get it. It's like Tony n' Tina's Wedding. You gotta followin' around.
哦 我想到了 这就像"东尼与蒂娜的婚宴" 我们得跟上去看 (百老汇著名舞台剧 观众可参与演出)
Hey Mammy-o, Daddy-o! -Hi buddy.
嘿 妈咪欧 爹地欧 嗨 小兄弟
Mammy-o, Daddy-o, Daddy-o
妈咪欧 爹地欧 爹地欧
Mammy-o, Mammy-o, Daddy-o.
妈咪欧 妈咪欧 爹地欧
STOP!
快停止
Mom!
妈
Get out of that bed this instant!
马上给我滚下床
I don't think that's a good idea.
我不认为那是个好主意
Charlie, I'm warning you.
查理 我警告你
You can't tell him what to do, he's 34 years old.
你没有权力指使他 他34岁了
What? She's drunk.
什么? 她醉了
Mom, what are you doing here?
妈 你来这里做什么?
I'm trying to keep you from doing a horrible mistake.
我只是要阻止你犯下大错
What do you care? I make this mistake on a regular basis.
你在担心什么? 我这样做是有准则依据的
Some might call it a lifestyle.
有些人说这叫"生活方式"
Charlie, I... I don't want to hear it.
查理 我 我不想听
I came up here to do a job. Actually, two jobs and a chore.
我上来这里是要办事的 事实上 要办两件事外加一个杂项
Now, you can stay and watch, wich I don't recommend,
现在 你可以在旁边观赏 但我并不建议
or you can leave. Either way Gloria and I are going to have sex.
或你可以离开 但不管你怎么做 格洛里亚和我都要做♥爱♥
Go ahead.
继续吧
Okay, I'm bluffing.
好吧 我只是唬人的
He sure is.
的确是
Jingle bells, jingle bells
叮叮当 叮叮当
Jingle all the way
铃♥声♥多响亮
Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one horse open sleigh
哦 乘坐雪橇是多么有趣啊
Jingle bells, jingle bells...
叮叮当 呵叮当
Um, have you seen Jake? Nope.
你有看到杰克吗? 没有
Jake? Whoa, whoa!
杰克? 哇 哇
Judith, what the hell are you doing?
茱蒂丝 你♥他♥妈♥的在干什么?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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