好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S04E12
Part 1
Nov. 17, 2020, 1:57 p.m.
I had a great dream last night.
我昨晚做了很棒的梦
Really? Yeah.
真的吗? 是的
I dreamed I got locked in a house made of donuts
我梦见我被锁在一间甜甜圈做成的房♥子里
and I had to eat my way out.
然后我得吃出一条路才能出去
Interesting.
真有趣
I had a similar dream, only no house and no donuts.
我也做了类似的梦 只不过没房♥子 也没甜甜圈
Morning.
早
Morning. Morning.
早 早
So, uh...
那么 呃...
how'd everybody sleep?
大家睡的如何?
Uncle Charlie and I both had dreams about eating.
查理叔叔和我都做了和吃有关的梦
Mine was with donuts. His was something dirty.
我的是吃甜甜圈 他的是下流的东西
He's just guessing.
他只是乱猜
Good guess.
猜的好
And yes, Alan, we see your earring.
有的 艾伦 我看见你的耳环了
It's pretty cool, right?
很酷 对吧?
Yeah, if you're going to a Wham! concert with Molly Ringwald.
是啊 如果你和Molly Ringwald 去听"轰!"的演唱会的话 (美国影星 "轰!"已经解散)
I think it's cool. Thank you, Jake.
我认为那很酷 谢谢你 杰克
Can I get my ear pierced? No.
我可以穿耳洞吗? 不行
Why not?
为什么?
You can't keep the holes you have clean.
因为你身上只要是有洞的地方都很脏
And you're too young.
而且你太小了
Wait till you're old, desperate, and living in your brother's house.
等到你老了 绝望了 而且住在你哥的房♥子 就可以穿了
You can mock me all you want,
随你怎么嘲笑我
but there's a certain lady who thinks it's darn sexy.
不过有某位女士 认为这样很性感
First of all, I don't need permission to mock you...
首先 我嘲笑你不需要先经过允许...
but more importantly,
不过更重要的
you let some broad talk you into piercing your ear?
你让某个女人说服你去穿耳洞?
Actually, my ear wasn't her first choice to pierce.
事实上 我的耳朵并 不是她一开始想穿洞的地方
What else can you pierce?
不然还能穿哪里?
Nothing. Nothing.
没事 没事
Fine. Don't tell me.
好吧 不讲拉倒
I'll Google it.
我用古狗查
Don't worry.
别担心
He can't spell "pierce."
他不会拼"穿洞"这个字
He can't spell "Google."
他也不会拼"古狗"
So, who's Princess Poke-a-Hole?
那么 这位"戳洞女王"是谁?
Just a nice young woman with a sewing needle and a potato.
只是一个漂亮年轻的女人 用一根缝纫针和马铃薯
A potato?
马铃薯?
Yeah, she, uh, she put it behind my lobe,
是啊 她...把他放在我的耳垂后
sort of like a pincushion.
有点像针垫
Oh. So you're a moron.
哦 所以你是个白♥痴♥
It's perfectly safe.
这很安全
She sterilized the needle.
她有对针做消毒
How?
怎么做?
With alcohol.
用酒精
Okay, Kahlua.
好啦 咖啡酒
Well, I guess I owe morons an apology.
嗯 我想我欠这个白♥痴♥一个道歉
You do know that's the gay ear.
你应该知道那是同性恋之耳
What?
什么?
Left ear says "I'm a hipster from the disco era."
耳环在左边代表 "我是个时髦的人"
Right ear says...
右边的话代表...
"Let's disco!"
"我们来跳舞吧"
No, no, th-th-that can't be right.
不 不 那...那不可能
Okay, don't believe me.
没关系 别相信我
Hey, look who's finally out of the closet.
嘿 看看是谁终于出柜了
Berta.
贝塔
Yeah. What are you doing?
嗯 你在做什么?
Making your bed.
帮你铺床
Well, I'd like to take a nap.
那 我想睡个午觉
Hop in. You can spoon me, but it ends there.
上来吧 你可以对我动手动脚 但仅止于此
Are you sick?
你生病了吗?
Yeah, I'm sick.
是啊 我病了
I'm sick of staying up all night with a screaming baby
因为我整晚熬夜 陪一个很会鬼叫的小鬼
while my daughter's out trolling the waterfront for the father of her next one.
而我女儿却整天在外面和男人鬼混
Whoa, that's rough.
哇 真辛苦
Oh, don't feign interest in my life, Charlie.
别假装你很关心我 查理
Sorry, I, I, I see a woman in my bed,
抱歉 只要看到有女人在我床上
I instinctively start lying.
我就会不自觉的说谎
Close the door on your way out.
出去时把门关上
Okay.
好
No.
不
No, this is ridiculous.
不行 这样太荒谬了
Berta. Get out.
贝塔 快滚
Sleep tight.
好好睡
Hello? Ow!
哈啰?
Uh, hello?
呃 哈啰?
Oh, oh, hi.
哦 嗨
Uh, no, no, it's, uh, it's just a little tender.
不 不 只是... 只是碰到会有点痛
I'm glad you called. I, I missed you, too.
很高兴你打给我 我也很想你
Yeah, yeah, last night was fun.
是啊 昨晚很好玩
You won't believe who's in my bed.
你不会相信谁躺在我床上
Hang on.
等一下
I never do...
我从没相信过...
but I'm on the phone right now.
我现在正在讲电♥话♥
Ah... damn it.
噢...该死
Uh, listen, how about tonight?
那么 今晚如何?
Oh, great, great.
太好了 太好了
The usual place?
老地方?
All right, well, see you then.
好的 那么 到时见
Okay. B-Bye.
好的 掰
Berta's in my bed.
贝塔躺在我床上
Really?
真的吗?
Couldn't you just pay her in cash this week?
你就不能这星期先付她现金吗?
There are some things we don't joke about.
有些事情是不能开玩笑的
Okay, so...
好吧 那...
why is Berta in your bed?
为什么贝塔会在你床上?
Apparently, her daughter's been out partying every night
很明显的 她女儿每晚在外面狂欢
and Berta's been stuck with the baby.
所以贝塔只好照顾小孩
Oh, that's got to be rough.
哦 那真是辛苦
Don't feign interest in her life, Alan.
别假装你很关心她 艾伦
Sorry.
抱歉
Oh, hey, hey, listen, can you watch Jake tonight?
哦 对了 你今晚可以帮我照顾杰克吗?
Why? You want to see if your new lady friend can infect other parts of your body?
为什么? 你想看看你那位女朋友 能不能感染你身体的其它部位?
It's not infected.A certain amount of swelling is perfectly normal.
这不是感染 某些地方肿起来是很正常的
Where'd it say that, Alan?
什么地方肿起来 艾伦?
On the potato?
马铃薯吗?
Are you at least going to tell me who this woman is?
你至少也告诉我这个女的是谁吧?
It's nobody you know.
你不认识的人
Oh... so I know her.
哦 所以我认识她
I didn't say that.
我没有这样说
You didn't have to.
你没必要说
Now let's see.
我来猜猜看
Who do I know that you'd like to keep a secret?
谁是我认识 让你想保密的人?
You're wasting your time.
你在浪费时间
One of your ex-wives?
你其中一个前妻?
Rose? Berta's daughter?
萝丝? 贝塔的女儿?
(laughing): Berta's daughter?
贝塔的女儿?
D-Don't be ridiculous.
别...别傻了
Ha... ha-ha.
哈...哈哈
That's rich.
想象力真丰富
Ha, ha, ha!
哈 哈 哈!
I'm tired. Shouldn't I be in bed?
我累了 我不是应该去睡了吗?
Shut up and deal.
闭嘴 快发牌
Look, I'll give you back the money I won.
听我说 我把我赢的钱还你
You didn't win it till we stop playing.
牌局没结束前你都不算赢
Now deal.
快发牌!
What's he doing up?
他不睡觉在干嘛?
Not now, Alan.
现在别问 艾伦
I'm all in.
我全押了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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