好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S04E11

Part 3 Nov. 17, 2020, 1:57 p.m.

You told me to fight for my man, I'm fighting for my man.
你告诉我为我的男人而战我正在为他而战
Alan, would you please close the door?
艾伦可以请你关上门吗?
Allright.
好啦
Twelve years of marriage, she never fought for me from that angle.
结婚12年她从没用那种姿势跟我做过
Silent night
寂静夜
Holy night
圣善夜
Kandi? Yeah?
康迪? 嗯?
Take a break. -Oki doc.
休息一下好的
Hello.
哈啰
Oh my goodness. Are you Alan?
哦我的天你是艾伦吗?
Um, yes. I haven't seen you in 35 years.
是的我已经35年没看到你了
No kidding. I'm sorry I don't remember you.
不会吧很抱歉我对你没印象
Oh, well I'm not surprised.
嗯我并不觉得惊讶
At the time you were busy learning to use the big boy potty.
那时候你正忙着学怎么用便盆呢
Ah, well...
呃这个嘛
I did it!
我学会了
Good job.
有你的
Um, listen Alan. I'm looking for my daughter.
听着艾伦我在找我女儿
Drunk blonde?
喝醉的金发女?
Well she isn't always... blonde.
她并不是一直都留金发
Upstairs. Ah, thank you.
在楼上谢谢
You know, you turned out to be a very attractive man.
你知道你最后变成一位很有吸引力的男人
Oh, thank you.
谢谢
Could have gone either way.
本来有可能不是这样
Lucky you grew into those ears.
但幸好你的耳朵长的还不赖
Frosty the Snowman
白白的雪人
Was a very jolly soul
是个非常快乐的人
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
叼了根玉米心烟斗还有像钮扣的鼻子
And two eyes made out of coal.
以及两个木炭做成的眼睛
Dammit Charlie, you don't know what you're getting into here.
该死查理你根本不知道你在做什么
Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea.
哦我想我有一个很好的计划
I mean what could you possibly tell me about Gloria
我是说你能告诉我关于格洛里亚的什么事
that would get me to kick her out of bed?
可以让我把她踢下床?
She's married, clinically insane, she's a man? You're not a man, are you?
她结婚了? 不可能她是男的? 你不是男的对吧?
No. Then we're good.
不是那就没问题
Gloria, get out of that bed! Mom!
格洛里亚快滚下床妈
Mom?
妈?
Well, did tell them? I tried, but I couldn't.
那么告诉他们了吗? 我试过了但没办法
Why not? What do you mean why not?
为什么? 什么叫为什么?
What do you think?
你觉得呢?
Oh, so as usual I have to do your dirty work.
哦跟往常一样我得帮你收烂摊子
You can't sleep with him because he might be your brother.
你不能和他做♥爱♥ 因为他很可能是你哥
There. Was that so hard?
看吧有这么难吗?
It's certainly not hard for someone who has no shame.
这对没有羞耻心的人来说当然不会觉得难
Says the woman who killed my husband.
杀了我丈夫的人倒是说话很大声
I did not kill Sherman, I made Sherman happy.
我没有杀谢尔曼我带给谢尔曼快乐
Excuse me, excuse me. Hold on, hold on.
等一下等一下先暂停
Can we go back to the part, where I may be her brother...
我们可以先回到"我可能是她哥" 这个部份吗?
Oh, dear Lord, has the blood not returned to your brain, yet?
哦天啊你的血液还没回流到你的脑袋里吗?
It was the 70's, we were young attractive couples.
那是在70年代我们两个又年轻又吸引人
And there was a gas shortage, so we had to entertain at home.
那时候有能源危机所以我们只能待在家里玩
Wait, wait wait.
等一下等一下
Are you saying you and her husband...
你是说你和她老公
Yes, and she and your father...
是的然后她和你♥爸♥
it's a blame-o pack.
就好像换妻制度
It started with a weekly fondue party, but...
这是从一个每周一次的派对开始不过
one night the dipping didn't stop at cheese.
有一天晚上情况变得难以控制
Fortunately some of us couldn't handle it.
幸好我们之中有人没办法处理
You did unspeakable things with Sherman
你和谢尔曼做了难以形容的事
and then he wanted to them with me.
结果他也想对我如法炮制
Oh nonsense, I just raised the bar a bit.
哦你乱讲我只是稍微把门坎提高
Raised the bar? Do you have any idea...
门坎提高? 你知不知道
how many third world countries that man visited...
他要拜访多少第3世界的国家
trying to find someone else who would do those things?
才能找到另一个能做那些事的人?
He didn't have to go abroad. He was just looking for a bargain.
他不需要到国外他只是在找便宜货
If it weren't for you he would never have contracted Amoebic dysentery and die.
如果不是因为你他就不会染上痢疾而死
I... I hate to interrupt...
我我不喜欢插嘴
but I'm still trying to process the "I'm her brother" thing.
但我还是不太清楚"我是她哥"这件事
Not the shiniest penny in the road, is he?
他脑袋就是转不太过来是吧?
Now allright. I guess I'm gonna spell it out for you.
好吧我想我还是解释给你听好了
Based on the amount of time that have lapsed...
根据最后一次派对
between the last fondue party and Gloria's birth...
到格洛里亚出生的这段期间来看
Not to mention the fact that Sherman lost interest in traditional sex with me.
加上谢尔曼早就对我失去"性趣" 的事实
Thank you very much.
这都得感谢你
There is a very real possibility that your father may be her father.
非常有可能的你和她的父亲是同一个
Wow. God!
哇天啊
So you can see why an incest of this nature is completely unacceptable.
所以你就能了解像这样违反自然的乱♥伦♥ 是完全不能被接受的
It's not like we couldn't have forseen this...
并不是说我们没有预见到这点
given that your son has spent the bulk of his adult life...
就是你儿子会从成年后到现在
humping his way through the greater Los Angeles area.
几乎搞遍了整个洛杉矶的女人
Oh, unlike this boozeled tart is an innocent victim.
哦不像这个酒醉的浪♥女♥ 是个无辜的受害者
Hey, I'm drunk not deaf.
嘿我醉了但没有耳聋
Just get of bed and get dressed.
赶快滚下床穿好衣服就对了
Well, that was humiliating.
真是丢脸
Just be glad we didn't have to tell them about our little experiment.
至少不必告诉他们我们做过什么实验你就该偷笑了
Don't remind me. Oh, you loved it.
别让我想起这个你明明很喜欢
Oh, a third act twist.
哦第三幕是意外的转折
Wow. Yeah.
哇是啊
I'm so horny right now I can't believe it. Who whoa whoa.
我现在欲♥火♥难耐我还是很想要哇哇哇
Did you miss what just went down here, sis?
你没听到刚才讲的吗妹妹?
Oh, come on it's not like we're gonna get married and have a bunch of web-footed kids.
哦拜托又不是说我们要结婚然后生出一堆脚趾有蹼的小孩
You have absolutely no boundaries, do yo?
你是完全的来者不拒对吧?
Well, I don't like fat guys...
嗯我不跟胖男人做
Interesting.
真有趣
Turns out, I draw the line at incest.
反正我得和乱♥伦♥画清界线
So you'd do a fat guy?
所以你会和胖男人做?
Did you hear that? Charlie found his boundary.
你听见了吗? 查理也不是来者不拒的
It's a miracle. Christmas miracle.
这是奇迹圣诞节奇迹
Judith, can I just say that this was the best Christmas ever?
茱蒂丝我可以说这是我经历过最棒的圣诞节吗?
Yeah, well, don't get used to it.
嗯不过别太习惯
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house...
在圣诞节的前夕家家户户
Not a creature was stirring...
都不再显得忙碌 (杰克在念一首圣诞节朗诵诗)
Okay, just so we're clear, you're only doing this to piss off my Mom?
好的就像我们讲的你这样做只是为了气我妈?
You have a problem with that?
有问题吗?
No, that makes it better.
不这样反而更好